Acting Up

My musings, thoughts, rants, and discoveries. - Scott Maddock

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Location: Redmond, Washington, U.S. Inc. (Formerly U.S.A.)

Back to Blogging

I haven't blogged here since 2012. Why am I making a stab at it again?

I realized two things about social media I wanted to get away from. First was that I was often using it as a journal, which is boring and maybe TMI for those platforms. Secondly I was using it too much for my taste, so that I felt like a tool for marketers rather than using social media as a tool for my ends.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

No Answers Here

I had a strange dream Monday morning. Somehow my ex, whom I think of vary rarely and have never dreamed of showed up and we were together at our current age. Somehow I have an impression in that dream world we had been back together for about a year, and our old history was there but not the hurt we gifted each other. What I remember more clearly is we were having a conversation in which she was distracted, and I asked what was up.

"Do you love me?", she asked.

My immediate reply was "Yes."

She came back with something like "What about when you're not with me?"

I thought about that, knowing I didn't want to reply with anger and neither did I want to avoid the truth. My response was more inclusive, and left neither of us with anything to say, "I long for your touch."

Then I woke up feeling pretty shaken up. Strange. As I said, I rarely think of that sadly short-lived relationship. I don't recall my ex being in dreams before, even the first few years when I was still hurting and denying I had anything to get over.

It raised two questions the last few days. First, there's a little pondering about not having a committed relationship since then, and wondering if I should be looking for more than someone who listens in return if I ever take the leap. The second is wondering why I couldn't have a dream like the previous night. I was a Greek general during mythological times about to parlay in the enemy's camp where I was going to shame him into compromise through brilliant oratorical skills, which I only have in dream land.