On My Way To Where
I feel tired, cold, and fuzzy. I'll try some of that organic fix the cold stuff. I've another audition tonight, and I don't want to go, but I want to be in the show. Also, I'll be meeting David afterwards, who is auditioning for the same show about an hour later. I'll start reading the script for my audition on Saturday. The weekend auditions went pretty good, and pretty bad. In that order. The cold read of the sides went well on Saturday, though I suspect I'm not appropriate for the role. Last night, the adrenaline hit so hard all the intention, action, and discoveries I'd worked on so diligently for the monologue went right out the window. I ended up with too much conscious thought on remembering things and voice work. Ugh.
I had a personal epiphany, or rather opened the door a crack, and will work on what I think is coming. Forgive me if this is the most obvious thing in the world, it was profound for me in it's simplicity and scope. I was thinking of ETI, and it occurred to me that we are perceived by where we start. The same thing which plagues us in grade school, college, careers, etc. The instructors saw where we started, and that informed them for the rest of the year. We did it to each other as well. What was and is important is where we are going. As I think of all our instructors, a few did see that for us, some more than others. Especially those we didn't have as much contact with. Not only did this pigeonholing happen with peers and instructors, I for one, tended to do it to myself even more. Still do.
It’s really an age old thing. I’ve been constantly working to redefine myself, and experience the challenge in having other’s perceive me in a different way. It happens, not gradually, but in big steps. Friends or family see me working theatre pursuits all the time, but still think of me as the one-time pre-med, former naval aviator, now a computer programmer guy. They’ve seen me change interests constantly throughout my life. Then they’ll see a show I’m working in, and in incredulous voices, "Wow that is a really good play." Somehow surprised I would find my way into quality productions. Of course, I’m surprised myself at times. My folks, Dad and Joyce, are as enthusiastic as they are supportive, and have never had that incredulous surprise. Or, I’ve never seen it. They’ve been pleased and surprised when I’ve made strides, but have never pigeonholed me, or if they did I never saw it. Really, I suspect they probably have, but their openness gets them past it. A few of my friends have been the same way, but mostly those that are artists themselves.
So what do I need to do? Find the faith and confidence my Dad and Stepmother have in me. Let’s see if I can start by believing and doing a tiny bit better with my monologue tonight. Saturday will be a classical monologue, so tonight I’ll continue working on a Caliban (The Tempest) monologue I did for one of my classes last year.
There’s going to be some meditation time the next week or so, on where I’m going. Not so much making big decisions or goals right now, as cleaning out all those "where I started from" preconceptions.
I had a personal epiphany, or rather opened the door a crack, and will work on what I think is coming. Forgive me if this is the most obvious thing in the world, it was profound for me in it's simplicity and scope. I was thinking of ETI, and it occurred to me that we are perceived by where we start. The same thing which plagues us in grade school, college, careers, etc. The instructors saw where we started, and that informed them for the rest of the year. We did it to each other as well. What was and is important is where we are going. As I think of all our instructors, a few did see that for us, some more than others. Especially those we didn't have as much contact with. Not only did this pigeonholing happen with peers and instructors, I for one, tended to do it to myself even more. Still do.
It’s really an age old thing. I’ve been constantly working to redefine myself, and experience the challenge in having other’s perceive me in a different way. It happens, not gradually, but in big steps. Friends or family see me working theatre pursuits all the time, but still think of me as the one-time pre-med, former naval aviator, now a computer programmer guy. They’ve seen me change interests constantly throughout my life. Then they’ll see a show I’m working in, and in incredulous voices, "Wow that is a really good play." Somehow surprised I would find my way into quality productions. Of course, I’m surprised myself at times. My folks, Dad and Joyce, are as enthusiastic as they are supportive, and have never had that incredulous surprise. Or, I’ve never seen it. They’ve been pleased and surprised when I’ve made strides, but have never pigeonholed me, or if they did I never saw it. Really, I suspect they probably have, but their openness gets them past it. A few of my friends have been the same way, but mostly those that are artists themselves.
So what do I need to do? Find the faith and confidence my Dad and Stepmother have in me. Let’s see if I can start by believing and doing a tiny bit better with my monologue tonight. Saturday will be a classical monologue, so tonight I’ll continue working on a Caliban (The Tempest) monologue I did for one of my classes last year.
There’s going to be some meditation time the next week or so, on where I’m going. Not so much making big decisions or goals right now, as cleaning out all those "where I started from" preconceptions.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home