Silver Lining
So, in the midst of family upheaval my periodic wanderlust spoke up, "You got no family ties to this area, no reason other than comfort for hanging around." I thought about how fun it would be to live in Key West, Savannah, or even Pensacola again. Or go try out New York, L.A., Toronto, Chicago, or even London for a while.
"But wait," the self-styled sensible voice interjects, "You have more friends than ever before, and a terrific career going, even if you do like calling it your 'day job'." Well, I'm not talking about packing up in the the next 12 months. "But you're thinking of doing so in 24 months." Oh lots could change say I, and 24 months is a long time.
I came back to the Seattle area, partly to be around my family, and mostly out of serendipity. I enjoyed computer science, and was pretty good at it, and got my second Bachelor of Science in Computer Science (Summa Cum Laude -- woo hoo -- brag where you can!) With Microsoft here and the University of Washington my high tech aspirations led me back home. Even when UW's (ultra conservative) computer science department told me twice they looked on military experience and references with disfavor didn't dampen my enthusiasm. I got work, but being nearly forty I got nudged into the contracting world. It was only later that I figured out I could get interviews for full time positions at conservative places like Microsoft by removing my military experience from my resume.
Still within a few years I was making decent money, my Mom had moved so she was fifteen minutes instead of 4 hours away, I was just getting into theatre and blossoming in ways I'd put off since my teens. My brother's family was also within fifteen minutes, my Dad about an hour away in the town I grew up in, and my sister's family a three hour drive away. I got along well with my step siblings, my stepmother's kids.
My stepmother died of cancer. My mother continued to deteriorate thanks to the endless circle of prescriptions treating the side affects of the other prescriptions. I stumbled into acting, and changed from recluse to social butterfly. It became increasingly difficult to get together with my brother and sister and their families.
My Dad married a terrific lady, and he and my new stepmother spend over half the year out of the area. My mother's deterioration culminated in a suicide attempt, and I stopped seeing her, as I'd promised I would when she tried to manipulate people with suicide threats. I'm more or less estranged from my brother by his choice, and I don't foresee a big change coming there. So I once felt surrounded by family. Or maybe the fact I wasn't as emotionally healthy back then allowed me a happy delusion.
"You got no family ties to this area, no reason other than comfort for hanging around." It was a tremendously freeing realization. The silver lining to my personal storm cloud. I'm not tied down. Yeah, I don't have a significant other, but I sure do have a lot of attractive female friends, so I don't figure the celibacy will survive that much longer.
I remember leaving the attorney's office on Guam, right after we'd filed for the interlocutory decree of divorce. It felt somehow mean, but I was walking on clouds, in the best mood I'd been in for ages. This feeling of being footloose wasn't so intense, and I didn't come crashing down like I did after the initial elation for the divorce. I didn't have a downswing at all, and I still feel cheered by the fact that my world has expanded again as a result of the sundering of my family.
"But wait," the self-styled sensible voice interjects, "You have more friends than ever before, and a terrific career going, even if you do like calling it your 'day job'." Well, I'm not talking about packing up in the the next 12 months. "But you're thinking of doing so in 24 months." Oh lots could change say I, and 24 months is a long time.
I came back to the Seattle area, partly to be around my family, and mostly out of serendipity. I enjoyed computer science, and was pretty good at it, and got my second Bachelor of Science in Computer Science (Summa Cum Laude -- woo hoo -- brag where you can!) With Microsoft here and the University of Washington my high tech aspirations led me back home. Even when UW's (ultra conservative) computer science department told me twice they looked on military experience and references with disfavor didn't dampen my enthusiasm. I got work, but being nearly forty I got nudged into the contracting world. It was only later that I figured out I could get interviews for full time positions at conservative places like Microsoft by removing my military experience from my resume.
Still within a few years I was making decent money, my Mom had moved so she was fifteen minutes instead of 4 hours away, I was just getting into theatre and blossoming in ways I'd put off since my teens. My brother's family was also within fifteen minutes, my Dad about an hour away in the town I grew up in, and my sister's family a three hour drive away. I got along well with my step siblings, my stepmother's kids.
My stepmother died of cancer. My mother continued to deteriorate thanks to the endless circle of prescriptions treating the side affects of the other prescriptions. I stumbled into acting, and changed from recluse to social butterfly. It became increasingly difficult to get together with my brother and sister and their families.
My Dad married a terrific lady, and he and my new stepmother spend over half the year out of the area. My mother's deterioration culminated in a suicide attempt, and I stopped seeing her, as I'd promised I would when she tried to manipulate people with suicide threats. I'm more or less estranged from my brother by his choice, and I don't foresee a big change coming there. So I once felt surrounded by family. Or maybe the fact I wasn't as emotionally healthy back then allowed me a happy delusion.
"You got no family ties to this area, no reason other than comfort for hanging around." It was a tremendously freeing realization. The silver lining to my personal storm cloud. I'm not tied down. Yeah, I don't have a significant other, but I sure do have a lot of attractive female friends, so I don't figure the celibacy will survive that much longer.
I remember leaving the attorney's office on Guam, right after we'd filed for the interlocutory decree of divorce. It felt somehow mean, but I was walking on clouds, in the best mood I'd been in for ages. This feeling of being footloose wasn't so intense, and I didn't come crashing down like I did after the initial elation for the divorce. I didn't have a downswing at all, and I still feel cheered by the fact that my world has expanded again as a result of the sundering of my family.
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