Java #3

That was fun. Reading a good script makes me want to see the show, even if I'm not cast, and they're both companies I've enjoyed but haven't seen in a while. Just had some snacks, a little dark chocolate, a handful of carrots, and an apple. Cuppa joe number three is decaf with a twist. I picked up some dark chocolate, that is billed as unrefined Spanish dark chocolate. The square can be dropped in hot milk for traditional Spanish cocoa, which I suspect is more marketing deception than real tradition, but it sounded good all the same. No milk, so decaf coffee and two squares. Yum. I'll have to try it with some fake milk of the soy and rice persuasions and see how it is.

I got to thinking about my last post. About not being part of the Freehold clique. It is not entirely true, as I definitely am one of the denizens. There are a lot that don't do much outside of Freehold. Since my beginning classes I've done most of my training there, but not much in the way of performances. A few small bits in several Studio Series pieces Paula has directed, but my primary role in those productions was technical director and set/prop designer and fabricator. I've looked for shows outside the umbrella of Freehold. Partly it has been by chance, as I got started with many of the companies before Freehold, and partly by design as I have actively sought parts outside of the rehearsal and performance classes. That is the path which challenges and attracts me more.

Wow, it is a quiet night thus far. Only three hours left (and one left as I proofread). To get my internal clock reset for tonight I did two things. Changed my chiropractor appointment to Thursday evening to Friday morning. I got up and after leaving the house proceeded as though it were evening. Went to the chiropractor, came home and had a nice dinner and two drinks, then watched tv for a while. The first half of Thank You For Smoking. Worked out really well and I don't feel so discombobulated. Normally I just keep going back to sleep all day long, and this longer awake time, followed with the evening ritual worked out quite nicely. This question for me remains. What about tomorrow afternoon, or rather this afternoon. I need to leave the house around 11:30am for an audition (no script to read for this one). Will I get to sleep easily when I get home sometime after 4am? Will I wake up easily around 10am?

I've had manic-depressive confidence swings. One day, I feel good about my level of work and believe I can work well with the established theatres I'm auditioning for. The next moment or day, I feel like an imposter. Like, who am I fooling? Will this ever go away? Should it? Is it a help or a hindrance to actually growing and improving my craft?

This edgy feeling goes along with it. That decision I need to make or line of inquiry I need to pursue is still gnawing at the fringes of my psyche. The frustration of last night and the tiredness that is just now starting to crop up bring it into awareness. I was going to say 'sharper focus', but that is just the feeling not the underlying thing which I hope percolates up pretty soon.

For now I'll hang out for the rest of my shift, and deal with anything that crops up, and say "Hi" to my manager who has the 4-12 shift. A fellow dark chocolate fiend, so that will be the most important bit for the pass down, a little gourmet chocolate to get the shift started right. It worked for me. I had a little turkey soup to keep it going right -- lots of free food but very little I want to try.