Smurmions
I found out late Tuesday night in an E-mail from my folks that one of my nieces is due to have a daughter in a couple weeks. Joy and a little sadness around that. One of joy and fun at my little brother a grandpa, my folks great grandparents, but my sister and I Great Aunt and Uncle? I'm not so wild about the latter. Seriously, it's exciting and joyful to see the start of a new generation.
The sadness comes from the distance of my nearest geographical relatives. It's a reminder that not all people you've made yourself available to will respond. Years ago I learned to let go of those who choose not to give you the time of day. As a result there are relatives and a few old friends who are not part of my life, and vice versa. I don't think that is a bad thing, but life events like this are a reminder that it is not a perfect world either. No matter how much I deny, there is a little twinge in finding out so late and indirectly. As I think about it, I realize it doesn't matter if it is simple oversight or a thought out snub. I know my role. To be available. Nothing more I can or should do.
Rather, I choose to dwell on those friends and relatives who embrace me as a part of their world, while making infrequent gestures to those who have pushed you away, in case something changes. That is a lot easier and more enjoyable than chewing over why someone else struggles to even share a cold shoulder. The latter is not fun for me, not fun for them, so why push?
I've had enough friends and relatives who build up elaborate judgemental fantasies on why they have a divine right and moral imperative to be angry. Or why some imagined anger on my part is unreasonable. Ever have someone tell you that you're crazy and selfish to be angry about smurmions, and won't acknowledge your statement that you don't know what a smurmion is? That is what a big part of my family life felt like growing up, and the behavior I was beginning to learn/emulate. I worked to check out of that cycle a long time ago. Most of my active relationships are with those who haven't got a clue as to what a smurmion is either. I can't stop other people's smurmion fixations, but if I work to eliminate mine, half or more of the baggage for reestablishing ties are out of the way.
The sadness comes from the distance of my nearest geographical relatives. It's a reminder that not all people you've made yourself available to will respond. Years ago I learned to let go of those who choose not to give you the time of day. As a result there are relatives and a few old friends who are not part of my life, and vice versa. I don't think that is a bad thing, but life events like this are a reminder that it is not a perfect world either. No matter how much I deny, there is a little twinge in finding out so late and indirectly. As I think about it, I realize it doesn't matter if it is simple oversight or a thought out snub. I know my role. To be available. Nothing more I can or should do.
Rather, I choose to dwell on those friends and relatives who embrace me as a part of their world, while making infrequent gestures to those who have pushed you away, in case something changes. That is a lot easier and more enjoyable than chewing over why someone else struggles to even share a cold shoulder. The latter is not fun for me, not fun for them, so why push?
I've had enough friends and relatives who build up elaborate judgemental fantasies on why they have a divine right and moral imperative to be angry. Or why some imagined anger on my part is unreasonable. Ever have someone tell you that you're crazy and selfish to be angry about smurmions, and won't acknowledge your statement that you don't know what a smurmion is? That is what a big part of my family life felt like growing up, and the behavior I was beginning to learn/emulate. I worked to check out of that cycle a long time ago. Most of my active relationships are with those who haven't got a clue as to what a smurmion is either. I can't stop other people's smurmion fixations, but if I work to eliminate mine, half or more of the baggage for reestablishing ties are out of the way.
1 Comments:
I think that I hit a smurmion on the way into work the other day.
Post a Comment
<< Home