Meandering
The show's done, and I miss Wayne, though I still have the funny hairstyle. I keep forgetting to take a pic or two -- maybe I like the silly feel of the look. I'm thinking of actually using the dye remnant too. It's been opened as I only use half at a time, so the rest has to be tossed or used soon.
I feel I didn't do justice to Wayne thanks to the cold. I did much better the last two shows because I was finally past the parade of colds. Still, it was a choice too. I still have a day job, and I have to give that fair effort as well. When the bug came along, I had to choose. Something had to give, and I chose health and got more sleep where I could. To be honest, being sick is not something I can overcome at this point in my training anyway, so being healthier was probably the better artistic choice too. Sometimes feeling off can bring out great things in a role, but when it goes on and on... I opted to get sleep. It was the right choice, as getting sicker would have served nobody. Still it was frustrating to finally feel healthy and know I was at the point I should have been two weeks before opening, not two days before closing.
So that's my brutal personal honesty. I could have done a lot better. Factors mostly out of my control stepped in, factors I'll have to deal with if I switch day job careers. After the first cold started (thanks to the dislocated rib) I stopped all vices, and after the second one started I took up caffeine again. It actually seemed to help with some of the cold symptoms. Would have living clean prevented the first cold? I don't think so, but it is possible.
To be fair to myself, I did as well as I could given the circumstances. It's just knowing that bad luck diddled me that is irritating. It was certainly an order of magnitude better than anything I did before ETI. I feel even at the beginning of my effort to assimilate that training I should have done another order of magnitude better. Reasonable expectation? Maybe. I truly found it frustrating to not have time to do things I really wanted to do. More physical work. More text analysis. More character work. You know something though? Even doing line throughs, scene work, and thinking of things as I'm going to sleep can't help but bring those things into focus. I'd have liked to dedicate more time to it, but I'm constantly thinking of things like character, text work and physicality while doing the other rehearsal and performance tasks. I suppose the fact those are things I really want to do is indicative of something.
The constant work during ETI changed my process priorities. I got off book early. When I was under the weather I worked hard on staying connected and focused and their concomitant actions and motivations. Those were advanced things for me a couple years ago, and now they are the basic building blocks. It is what I want to build from, not spend most of my time building to. Once those are solid, change becomes easier. Changing tactics doesn't come for me until I have the others.
Thursday was the last day I felt sick, but I could feel the ickiness lifting. That was the night my folks came. My stepmom thinks I'm brilliant, and that is wonderful to hear. My Dad has my favorite laugh in the whole world. He's 75, which given our family history means I should be enjoying his laugh for at least 15 more years, and maybe even 25 or more if longevity increases for his generation. Still it was somehow all the more sweet to hear his laugh when the realization struck me backstage I won't be hearing that laugh for the rest of my life unless I punch out early. It wasn't a sad thought. It only increased my enjoyment of the moment. Is it age, growth, becoming an artist, or all of the above. To be cheered by the realization of a loved one's mortality? Simply letting yourself live in the moment. It is what we strive for as performing artists, and a good life goal too.
I feel I didn't do justice to Wayne thanks to the cold. I did much better the last two shows because I was finally past the parade of colds. Still, it was a choice too. I still have a day job, and I have to give that fair effort as well. When the bug came along, I had to choose. Something had to give, and I chose health and got more sleep where I could. To be honest, being sick is not something I can overcome at this point in my training anyway, so being healthier was probably the better artistic choice too. Sometimes feeling off can bring out great things in a role, but when it goes on and on... I opted to get sleep. It was the right choice, as getting sicker would have served nobody. Still it was frustrating to finally feel healthy and know I was at the point I should have been two weeks before opening, not two days before closing.
So that's my brutal personal honesty. I could have done a lot better. Factors mostly out of my control stepped in, factors I'll have to deal with if I switch day job careers. After the first cold started (thanks to the dislocated rib) I stopped all vices, and after the second one started I took up caffeine again. It actually seemed to help with some of the cold symptoms. Would have living clean prevented the first cold? I don't think so, but it is possible.
To be fair to myself, I did as well as I could given the circumstances. It's just knowing that bad luck diddled me that is irritating. It was certainly an order of magnitude better than anything I did before ETI. I feel even at the beginning of my effort to assimilate that training I should have done another order of magnitude better. Reasonable expectation? Maybe. I truly found it frustrating to not have time to do things I really wanted to do. More physical work. More text analysis. More character work. You know something though? Even doing line throughs, scene work, and thinking of things as I'm going to sleep can't help but bring those things into focus. I'd have liked to dedicate more time to it, but I'm constantly thinking of things like character, text work and physicality while doing the other rehearsal and performance tasks. I suppose the fact those are things I really want to do is indicative of something.
The constant work during ETI changed my process priorities. I got off book early. When I was under the weather I worked hard on staying connected and focused and their concomitant actions and motivations. Those were advanced things for me a couple years ago, and now they are the basic building blocks. It is what I want to build from, not spend most of my time building to. Once those are solid, change becomes easier. Changing tactics doesn't come for me until I have the others.
Thursday was the last day I felt sick, but I could feel the ickiness lifting. That was the night my folks came. My stepmom thinks I'm brilliant, and that is wonderful to hear. My Dad has my favorite laugh in the whole world. He's 75, which given our family history means I should be enjoying his laugh for at least 15 more years, and maybe even 25 or more if longevity increases for his generation. Still it was somehow all the more sweet to hear his laugh when the realization struck me backstage I won't be hearing that laugh for the rest of my life unless I punch out early. It wasn't a sad thought. It only increased my enjoyment of the moment. Is it age, growth, becoming an artist, or all of the above. To be cheered by the realization of a loved one's mortality? Simply letting yourself live in the moment. It is what we strive for as performing artists, and a good life goal too.
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