Independence
Our closing show and graduation went extremely well Monday night. The show was great, I did well, though my training has me aware of things I could do better in each moment. My folks, my good friend Beth, her friend Lisa, and the Lavy's were there. My folks, Beth, and Lisa were right up in front. They have seen me from before my very first show, when we did presentations for the conclusion of Rachel's classes. Jennifer and Joseph haven't seen me work until recently, but they are professionals I admire. So there were comments on the change and growth people have seen, and those from accomplished professionals. To be honest, I don't recall many specifics. What stands out in my memory is how they were truly offered.
We become acutely aware of people searching for good things about us, that we probably see that qualification of the compliment even when it is not present. When you see there is no qualification of the comment, that it is on the front of their mind, it has an astounding impact. The absence of reverse transference. I very clearly see myself in others, searching for something nice and sincere to say -- is it real enough, did they really feel what you describe, etc. You expect it from others. When hesitation in time or thought isn't there denial kicks in, and the more notable it's absence the less it can be denied.
It was that kind of direct and unqualified feedback I've been trying to deal with. First, being gracious, and I've finally learned to do so. Most of the time. Then there is accepting it. That is even harder. It is a lovely confused refreshing conflagration, the clean glow of the compliments and the swirling of the knowledge of where I can improve. I think that may be the crux of my difficulty accepting compliments. A compliment is easily denied when you are more knowledgeable of the craft and/or you are clearly aware of what you can do to improve greatly. Let's look at that denial.
Someone compliments you, and you degrade the compliment in your mind. Patting yourself on the back for being so modest. In affect you have degraded the giver, and that serves nobody. Accept it, and express joy. It gives more to you, and more to the giver. To revel in a compliment is not foolish, or arrogant. It simply honors the person who gave the gift.
A compliment is genuine, likely more so, when you are not the very best. Neither is it in any way diminished. The art is meant to serve people, not just fellow artists. So, comments from those who are not educated or trained in your area of focus are the ones who matter in the end. The feed back of those artists of similar background are more critical in the growth. They are the comments that help you judge your art with perspective, telling what is working and where work is needed.
Both groups inform you of how you are doing, and how you have grown, and where you need grow.
I am privileged to have been blessed with numerous compliments the last couple weeks. I am deeply moved, and struggling to truly accept them so I can improve in confidence, and as an artist and human. Thank you all.
While I was talking to my folks and Beth and Lisa, I was looking for Jennifer and Joseph (I need new glasses). I couldn't spot them, then I saw Catherine dancing. Instantly I knew where they were. Young children dance all the time in parks, and I have no idea why I recognized Catherine without doubt, unless it was from watching her dance with her parents during warm ups for and Akropolis show over a year back while I was testing the video camera. After talking to everybody I went to help strike the show, then to Freehold to unload and have a graduation ceremony. It was simple and meaningful. Elegant in my mind. We got a Freehold diploma (the Antioch University diploma will be sent out later), a candle, and a skeleton key to unlock our talents and gifts. That will be framed with the diploma.
While I am planning on a short hiatus for flight lessons, I am already scanning local auditions to see what I might do. I found an interesting sounding production in the Port Orchard community theatre that appeals to me next Winter, so I'll probably order a script for that. Looking locally with an eye towards the Fall too...
We become acutely aware of people searching for good things about us, that we probably see that qualification of the compliment even when it is not present. When you see there is no qualification of the comment, that it is on the front of their mind, it has an astounding impact. The absence of reverse transference. I very clearly see myself in others, searching for something nice and sincere to say -- is it real enough, did they really feel what you describe, etc. You expect it from others. When hesitation in time or thought isn't there denial kicks in, and the more notable it's absence the less it can be denied.
It was that kind of direct and unqualified feedback I've been trying to deal with. First, being gracious, and I've finally learned to do so. Most of the time. Then there is accepting it. That is even harder. It is a lovely confused refreshing conflagration, the clean glow of the compliments and the swirling of the knowledge of where I can improve. I think that may be the crux of my difficulty accepting compliments. A compliment is easily denied when you are more knowledgeable of the craft and/or you are clearly aware of what you can do to improve greatly. Let's look at that denial.
Someone compliments you, and you degrade the compliment in your mind. Patting yourself on the back for being so modest. In affect you have degraded the giver, and that serves nobody. Accept it, and express joy. It gives more to you, and more to the giver. To revel in a compliment is not foolish, or arrogant. It simply honors the person who gave the gift.
A compliment is genuine, likely more so, when you are not the very best. Neither is it in any way diminished. The art is meant to serve people, not just fellow artists. So, comments from those who are not educated or trained in your area of focus are the ones who matter in the end. The feed back of those artists of similar background are more critical in the growth. They are the comments that help you judge your art with perspective, telling what is working and where work is needed.
Both groups inform you of how you are doing, and how you have grown, and where you need grow.
I am privileged to have been blessed with numerous compliments the last couple weeks. I am deeply moved, and struggling to truly accept them so I can improve in confidence, and as an artist and human. Thank you all.
While I was talking to my folks and Beth and Lisa, I was looking for Jennifer and Joseph (I need new glasses). I couldn't spot them, then I saw Catherine dancing. Instantly I knew where they were. Young children dance all the time in parks, and I have no idea why I recognized Catherine without doubt, unless it was from watching her dance with her parents during warm ups for and Akropolis show over a year back while I was testing the video camera. After talking to everybody I went to help strike the show, then to Freehold to unload and have a graduation ceremony. It was simple and meaningful. Elegant in my mind. We got a Freehold diploma (the Antioch University diploma will be sent out later), a candle, and a skeleton key to unlock our talents and gifts. That will be framed with the diploma.
While I am planning on a short hiatus for flight lessons, I am already scanning local auditions to see what I might do. I found an interesting sounding production in the Port Orchard community theatre that appeals to me next Winter, so I'll probably order a script for that. Looking locally with an eye towards the Fall too...
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