Open Eyes
I was at drill this morning, right on time, which is late for me. I like getting there a bit early. I was the only one, which didn't surprise me. One person had a vicious headache and had to leave class early last night, another was exhausted and talking of skipping, and the other is feeling a little cross about things. I still gave myself a bit of a workout. I feel like I'm cheating when I skip rope because it gets things a-pumping and a-sweating so quickly. I also spent time on monologues, juggling, balancing, core strength build up, and the stage combat fight choreography.
As I was doing things I was thinking how everyone else in my drill session was being affected by the long term intense nature of ETI. It was not a judgmental thing at all, just a thought process which of course led me into thinking about myself, which might have been a little judgmental, but I let go of that quickly. I put ten or fifteen pounds on the last couple months -- I haven't weighed myself in that long. It is not as bad as it sounds, because my waist has remained about the same. I'd like to do more than switch fat for muscle, but at least it is progress of a sort. One of the places I carry stress (thanks to both parents) is in my stomach, and I realized I've been feeding acid indigestion a bit. Need to eat more carefully, and reduce the meal size.
So there is the little(?) weight frustration, but more significant is my overall health. I've felt slightly off for a couple months. Riding the edge, balancing my time between work the conservatory (ETI) and a few minutes of leisure. The constant feeling of coming down with a bug has added to the frustration for me.
So, I'm there thinking about my reaction to the stress, and "Bang." The thought sank in, and hit me. There is not much time left in ETI. One more week of classes, then a little under three weeks of rehearsals during the same time slots, and our ETI Recital for this term on the last week of April. After that it is the five weeks of full time rehearsal for The Merchant of Venice.
It is coming to an end, and the classroom portion is nearly over. A year from now I'll look back on this and miss it terribly. That is the aspect which struck me the most. I'm in the midst of a pivotal point in my life, something I have striven for, and which I enjoy even when it has me feeling like crap. That realization perked my spirits up immediately and it is staying with me.
I'm also aware of another of those lovely antitheses. I'm enjoying myself, even when I feel out of sorts, exhausted, and talentless. I'm not feeling talentless at the moment, but the extra feeling of physiological malaise makes up for it.
The realization that I am in the midst of a very special time in my life and training was a big warm fuzzy. And it is a comforting thought which helps deal with the stress.
As I was doing things I was thinking how everyone else in my drill session was being affected by the long term intense nature of ETI. It was not a judgmental thing at all, just a thought process which of course led me into thinking about myself, which might have been a little judgmental, but I let go of that quickly. I put ten or fifteen pounds on the last couple months -- I haven't weighed myself in that long. It is not as bad as it sounds, because my waist has remained about the same. I'd like to do more than switch fat for muscle, but at least it is progress of a sort. One of the places I carry stress (thanks to both parents) is in my stomach, and I realized I've been feeding acid indigestion a bit. Need to eat more carefully, and reduce the meal size.
So there is the little(?) weight frustration, but more significant is my overall health. I've felt slightly off for a couple months. Riding the edge, balancing my time between work the conservatory (ETI) and a few minutes of leisure. The constant feeling of coming down with a bug has added to the frustration for me.
So, I'm there thinking about my reaction to the stress, and "Bang." The thought sank in, and hit me. There is not much time left in ETI. One more week of classes, then a little under three weeks of rehearsals during the same time slots, and our ETI Recital for this term on the last week of April. After that it is the five weeks of full time rehearsal for The Merchant of Venice.
It is coming to an end, and the classroom portion is nearly over. A year from now I'll look back on this and miss it terribly. That is the aspect which struck me the most. I'm in the midst of a pivotal point in my life, something I have striven for, and which I enjoy even when it has me feeling like crap. That realization perked my spirits up immediately and it is staying with me.
I'm also aware of another of those lovely antitheses. I'm enjoying myself, even when I feel out of sorts, exhausted, and talentless. I'm not feeling talentless at the moment, but the extra feeling of physiological malaise makes up for it.
The realization that I am in the midst of a very special time in my life and training was a big warm fuzzy. And it is a comforting thought which helps deal with the stress.
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