Laugh It Up

I gabbed this weekend how I needed to figure out and quell the internal dialogue from distractors. Oddly, I believe embracing art taught or informed me to find and silence them. Shutting off my internal dialogue was something I'd tried to do since I read Castaneda talking about it in my teens or early twenties. One of those things that comes to you, as trying to do it would drive me 'round the bend. The ability to turn off internal dialog happened sometime last year during my Meisner training. The things I consider distractions are identified and quieted through art. Is it irony, or art feeding itself?

I'm feeling better about this show than I did about Rumors. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, and the work won't look as good. Still it feels better from inside my skin. When we work the Passer-By scene tonight it may be the director won't like the choices I've made, and I'll have to change the physicality or vocal work. Still, I made choices which felt right for what I wanted to achieve. Something which now starts easily, and I didn't have a clue about in the past. Working it deeper and more fully is, and I hope will always, be a challenge.

I was thinking on Monday night I won't be totally happy with my work here either. I catch myself holding my voice a bit, and letting my head get in the way, like when I am supposed to be flirting. Something I'm horrible at as Scott, and a doubt I need to let go of on stage. It is the time on the boards, in good classes, and working out the kinks in my mind which lead to improvement or growth. So, I feel I am doing better work than the last show, and I still want to improve. A lot. ETI should provide that opportunity, if I'm accepted for next year.

I'm excited to feel I am moving forward, using last year's class as a resource. I gives me confidence outside of the classroom environment, which was my biggest hesitation when looking at the conservatory program. I'm still green, and feel growth instead of being stunted.

There is a nice article by a director (Tom Donaghy) in New York City which is also a very apt description of our production. Stuart is a great director, and I'll work and hope we live up to his vision. Also, in the article Chekhov's last words are said to be, after drinking a glass of champagne, "It's a long time since I drank champagne." Just like the play, it feels very Russian to me. Humorous, cheerful, dark, and not quite sad. Lovely, I think.