Perspectives

After I saw Akropolis last Saturday Rachel told me she understood why I like to make donations to small theatre companies. Without our support the show probably would not have gone up she said. That may be a friendly exaggeration. Even so, I never thought of it in quite those terms. When I first heard I may have made a contribution which enabled a show to be put up, I thought, "Neat."

Let's see, I'm single, and have no kids. I love acting, working on productions, watching other productions, and the rest of the theatrical world with a deep passion. I don't donate to see my name in programs or on brass plaques. I have to admit it is nice to see a gift acknowledged. Still, it is not why I lend my support. Rather it is a sense of community. You just do it, because you want to and are able

Robert Heinlein wrote about gratitude in Stranger in a Strange Land. His character, Jubal Harshaw, said gratitude is a euphemism for resentment. One of the most poisonous emotions around. Since I read that in high school 30 (oh shit) years ago I have studied situations I've been in and found it to be dead on -- gratitude is fleeting -- the ensuing resentment interminable. Acknowledgement is great, but don't harbor gratitude!

When I see an acquaintance in a show I make a point of giving them sincere compliments. I don't mean the continuous qualified nasty compliments I used to hear from the maternal side of the family, "You did okay, except for ....... and ....... then you ....... you should have ....... I would have ....... next time you should ....... Like I said you did alright, but ......." And why did it take me decades to realize I'd earned a right to confident of my abilities? So, I find things which truly merit praise and offer only that. Simplicity. I was awed by an actor recently, and even though we don't chat much, I wrote him after the show, and he replied, "You of the warm, generous, inspiring heart..." Now, that's an acknowledgement! There is a perception of myself which is surprising and pleasing, and a wonderful gift in return.

I am a little jittery about the show coming up. Rumors is a tremendously fun script, and it is a challenge. I suspect much of the challenge is being in my first show after completing Meisner. We've a wonderful mix of experience ranging from one person who is making their stage debut to another who is an equity actor. I'm finding many challenges. The Meisner Progression was a true ensemble, and while I like the entire cast, we are not an ensemble. There are no dedicated partners using the same process to work with, as in class. Most of the actors are not terribly connected to their scene partners -- there is more acting than being present and living through the character.

I'm not ragging on the cast, quite the opposite actually. I'm pointing out the external challenges I am facing as a result of the type of training I have pursued. The internal challenges are picking the prep work which will be the most effective for my character in this role. More animal work? More visualization? More text analysis? More character analysis? Etc? Brilliant training doesn't make you brilliant. That takes hard work and good choices. Making proper choices takes hard work and experience, because they will never be the same. I hope everyone else's perspective of my work is more forgiving than mine. Robin said we would never be satisfied with our work in a role.
Yeah, yeah, yeah..., yup, okay, she was right.