Need a Hit
Not blackjack, not a shot, not a toke. I need some art, man.
Friday we're probably going to celebrate my friend Paula's birthday. I'm assuming she doesn't read this, though it's not really a surprise, and I don't recall sending her a link recently.
I have to call Steve today or tomorrow to be sure the birthday dinner is still a go. That will let me hang out with some other artists, which quenches the thirst. Not completely or even close, certainly more than watching tv or reading books.
I haven't been in this state for over a year, as I haven't had a break in three or four years. Even though I have done a lot of production and backstage work the last three or four years, I still felt like I was crawling out of my skin at times, until I got on the boards again. Even did a short indie film a year and a half ago, where I was the male lead and co-producer. It filled the craving, was great fun, a tremendous learning experience, and between you and I, I'm glad it didn't get much exposure.
When I was reading the blogs of Rachel and Kipley several days ago I asked myself, "Am I serious about my art?" Since mid-July I haven't done much except decompress from my busy year and get further enraged with our government. Okay I've done a little research and some writing, when the guilts overtook me. And, I ran lights again for Spolin last Saturday. They had a great show, and a very good sized audience. I didn't expect that in North Bend, at least not so soon. I've also seen a lot of shows in the last couple months.
Am I serious about my art? Well, I am getting progressively edgier. I still have the restless feeling I mentioned several weeks ago. I don't know if this is part of it, or simply adding to it. I know from experience my tendency towards inertia is about to lose out, and I will be getting head's down quite soon in preparing for my part and the talk I'll be giving in a couple weeks. Forty years of sloth loses out to passion, even when I think it is worn out. Maybe I'm not serious enough about my art. Possibly this is a skewed perception, though I'd argue it's not on purely subjective and spiritual bases. It seems art is serious about me and won't let me stray for very long. I think along these lines, concepts and visions which were foreign and untenable to me a few short years ago. I find it harder and harder to remember that life. What a drab and lifeless existence it must have been.
I want to be good, heck I'd like to be very, very good. Most of all I need to be. I love the irony so many of us experience in theatre, in learning to live in and through different characters, and bring life to them we learn to become ourselves. So, bring it on, gimme art, and let me be.
Friday we're probably going to celebrate my friend Paula's birthday. I'm assuming she doesn't read this, though it's not really a surprise, and I don't recall sending her a link recently.
I have to call Steve today or tomorrow to be sure the birthday dinner is still a go. That will let me hang out with some other artists, which quenches the thirst. Not completely or even close, certainly more than watching tv or reading books.
I haven't been in this state for over a year, as I haven't had a break in three or four years. Even though I have done a lot of production and backstage work the last three or four years, I still felt like I was crawling out of my skin at times, until I got on the boards again. Even did a short indie film a year and a half ago, where I was the male lead and co-producer. It filled the craving, was great fun, a tremendous learning experience, and between you and I, I'm glad it didn't get much exposure.
When I was reading the blogs of Rachel and Kipley several days ago I asked myself, "Am I serious about my art?" Since mid-July I haven't done much except decompress from my busy year and get further enraged with our government. Okay I've done a little research and some writing, when the guilts overtook me. And, I ran lights again for Spolin last Saturday. They had a great show, and a very good sized audience. I didn't expect that in North Bend, at least not so soon. I've also seen a lot of shows in the last couple months.
Am I serious about my art? Well, I am getting progressively edgier. I still have the restless feeling I mentioned several weeks ago. I don't know if this is part of it, or simply adding to it. I know from experience my tendency towards inertia is about to lose out, and I will be getting head's down quite soon in preparing for my part and the talk I'll be giving in a couple weeks. Forty years of sloth loses out to passion, even when I think it is worn out. Maybe I'm not serious enough about my art. Possibly this is a skewed perception, though I'd argue it's not on purely subjective and spiritual bases. It seems art is serious about me and won't let me stray for very long. I think along these lines, concepts and visions which were foreign and untenable to me a few short years ago. I find it harder and harder to remember that life. What a drab and lifeless existence it must have been.
I want to be good, heck I'd like to be very, very good. Most of all I need to be. I love the irony so many of us experience in theatre, in learning to live in and through different characters, and bring life to them we learn to become ourselves. So, bring it on, gimme art, and let me be.
2 Comments:
Oh, I'm right there with you on climbing out of my skin. I haven't directed since SPRING, the show opened June 12th, and I haven't been in the green infinitude of making a play since. Observing Bart's is like phantom pain release; it helps, but doesn't heal. I am dying for performers and the pursuit of truth. I get back in the studio October 12th -- that's when my BCC classes begin -- AND I CAN'T WAIT.
I'm even thinking seriously about a PhD program, just because I realize -- teaching gives me space to work with the art.
So anyway, right witcha big boy -- right dere witcha.
Wow, this cheered me up! Don't know why, but I had a happy laugh. I haven't a clue what I could do, but let me know if you need any help with the class. Schedule permitting, I could certainly videograph again.
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