Good Day Sunshine
I'm feeling cheery today. Funny since I started off messing up my diet a bit today. I was in a hurry for a Microsoft SQL presentation, and didn't pack a lunch, and skipped breakfast. Can you believe this? The box lunches didn't have anything with lamb and rice. I stuck to the veggies and meat, leaving the dairy, wheat, and sweet products behind. So, the deviation wasn't too bad. Not a big deal at this point, as I've been forgetting in the evening and eating peanuts for a snack. I have to stop doing that too.
So, while my diet is moving towards where it needs to be for the food sensitivity evaluation I'm guessing I'm forgoing enough things my body doesn't like that I'm feeling a bit better.
Also, now that ETI is done I'm only working full time. Another big difference.
I was thinking about my presentation of silly presents on Saturday. That is not something I could pull off in the past. I'd have a very specific presentation in my mind, and they never worked. Now I have more of an outline to wing it from, and roll with the situation. Improv and connection. It's satisfying to see how all this training percolates into other aspects of life. It is more of a raised baseline in my life, but that contributes cheer too.
The weather and a working motorcycle are a good cheery combo too. It was frustrating waiting for over a month to get a regulator, but it is sure sweet having it back. Even an uneventful commute on a nice day is a great way to start the day.
It is this type of mood which I remind myself will come along, like during mid January to mid February which was my low point this year, when the toll of training and work nailed me. Feeling talentless, bleeding, frustrated, unrested and sleeping poorly, frustrated, seeing no end in sight. For me that is where faith comes in. There is no end in sight, you just work forward like it is there in plain sight. I'm not sure when I learned to do this. I've never been in a more stressful time. When I was getting divorced it was close, but more limited in scope. I had more going on, and in comparison I dealt with it easily this year. I wouldn't have made it with the tools I had during the divorce. I'd have left the job or the training, or likely botched both so badly that I would be untrained and unemployed right now.
I struggled with staying invested in the training, rather than simply enduring it. I wrote of this around the time, but being in the midst of it I wasn't fully appreciative of the mess I was in at the time. I was looking to where I wanted to be, not at the morass I was caught in. That is what I did most of my life. Obsessed on how fucked up things were, making the morass ever worse. Like the giving up the keeping of relationship accounts, it was something I wanted to do. Simply wanting to do it was not enough, or was it? Maybe the realization of what I wanted was all I needed, it just took a while for old habits to fade in the face of new habits. It is debilitating to relationships to keep track of who owes who, and how much this balances that, and so on. It is plain debilitating to focus on the things that are making you blue, rather than things that will make you feel better. Now I need to work on being less pedantic. :O
So, while my diet is moving towards where it needs to be for the food sensitivity evaluation I'm guessing I'm forgoing enough things my body doesn't like that I'm feeling a bit better.
Also, now that ETI is done I'm only working full time. Another big difference.
I was thinking about my presentation of silly presents on Saturday. That is not something I could pull off in the past. I'd have a very specific presentation in my mind, and they never worked. Now I have more of an outline to wing it from, and roll with the situation. Improv and connection. It's satisfying to see how all this training percolates into other aspects of life. It is more of a raised baseline in my life, but that contributes cheer too.
The weather and a working motorcycle are a good cheery combo too. It was frustrating waiting for over a month to get a regulator, but it is sure sweet having it back. Even an uneventful commute on a nice day is a great way to start the day.
It is this type of mood which I remind myself will come along, like during mid January to mid February which was my low point this year, when the toll of training and work nailed me. Feeling talentless, bleeding, frustrated, unrested and sleeping poorly, frustrated, seeing no end in sight. For me that is where faith comes in. There is no end in sight, you just work forward like it is there in plain sight. I'm not sure when I learned to do this. I've never been in a more stressful time. When I was getting divorced it was close, but more limited in scope. I had more going on, and in comparison I dealt with it easily this year. I wouldn't have made it with the tools I had during the divorce. I'd have left the job or the training, or likely botched both so badly that I would be untrained and unemployed right now.
I struggled with staying invested in the training, rather than simply enduring it. I wrote of this around the time, but being in the midst of it I wasn't fully appreciative of the mess I was in at the time. I was looking to where I wanted to be, not at the morass I was caught in. That is what I did most of my life. Obsessed on how fucked up things were, making the morass ever worse. Like the giving up the keeping of relationship accounts, it was something I wanted to do. Simply wanting to do it was not enough, or was it? Maybe the realization of what I wanted was all I needed, it just took a while for old habits to fade in the face of new habits. It is debilitating to relationships to keep track of who owes who, and how much this balances that, and so on. It is plain debilitating to focus on the things that are making you blue, rather than things that will make you feel better. Now I need to work on being less pedantic. :O
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