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Oh God. This is hard. Coming into the office on Saturday after working full time during the week in rehearsal. The fact it is part of a training program matters not. Things, I'm not sure what things, but emotional ones, welled up in my chest. A warm longing tightness, that feels intensely sad or joyful and you can't quite tell which.
Working as an actor. That is what this final term of ETI is about. Taking what we have learned and experienced over the year and starting to apply it. I was a little struck at how special this experience is, getting me excited about the homework I plan to work on tomorrow.
My very good and close friend from Duncan, BC is visiting, and is off doing some errands and sleeping off a lingering cold as I work. It is wonderful to see Dave again, though his bug and my schedule make things a little tight, though if he were feeling better I'd throw other things out the window for a couple days to be out and about.
I am still overwhelmed at the great treatment and opportunities Expedia has afforded me this year. Whacked out schedule, total flexibility in reporting unpaid leave and vacation while I am out for six weeks, then coming back to a promotion when I transition back to regular hours the last week of June and first week of July.
I need a day job for the near future. It was a hard thing to jump from working as a full time actor for a week, then driving into the cold hungry maw of a high tech parking garage. I do truly thrill working at Expedia. The very attributes which have made me a serious (and I hope good) artist are those which have gotten me an unsought for promotion. Getting along well with others, sincerely liking most people, an ability to run my mind and thoughts on a totally different direction, often too distant to be tangential, and to come up with seemingly simple and elegant solutions to problems. It does sound like I am trying to convince myself I enjoy my high tech job. That is true, and it is not a contradiction, though maybe a conflict. I get a little burnt out with theatre on occasion, and even in the midst of it, I know I have to get back to it, and I remind myself. My hunger and balance demand it. There's the rub. I don't know if I am compelled to work in high tech. The last bit of the commute, driving into the garage and riding in the elevator felt ominous. There was a flash, maybe an epiphany.
If I were to commit my entire life to theatre at some point, I may not be able to return to high tech. I've been able to maintain a balance with my day job and theatre, balancing two full time pursuits, which many cannot. On the other hand there are people like Rachel, who can leave high tech and explore and return as needed. That is a type of balance which I'm not sure I could do. I've made drastic changes numerous times in my life, but I've never gone back. Could I leap into theatre totally full time for a couple years, then go back to the world of programming? I don't know, and that hit entering the parking garage made me think turning back might be especially difficult.
Maybe it was the wonderful Spring day and everything else landing on me at one time. The joy of tasting the experience of being a working actor, seeing Dave (and some of our other friends at a bad movie night get together last night), the appreciation of my situation at Expedia, and the temporary nature of all human endeavors came to a head to remind me of the bigger world. Then there is Spring fever which has me feeling as randy as a teenager added to the mix.
I'm not sure the wallpaper on my computer, a picture of the Royal Shakespeare Company is comforting me. That isn't bad, as it just occurred to me that dreams probably shouldn't make you feel comfortable. That wouldn't be much of a dream now, would it?
Despite this strange feeling, I'm getting a goodly amount done at the office. A couple things to deal with, though there are some other projects I'd like to work on during my hiatus, which will make passing down responsibilities easier. It is an awkward feeling. I am in a job I enjoy with career opportunities. There is an undercurrent. Knowing there is another career I am building which is even more enjoyable, and fulfilling in ways I never imagined. I've been in a similar place before. This time there is a different feeling. In theatre, both the analytical and artistic sides of my mind and spirit are called upon. I've loved the balance working high tech and theatre gives me. There is a quiet question bouncing around within me. Can theatre in and of itself provide the balance I need to be whole? I don't know, but I suspect so.
I'm really curious to find where my journey takes me in the next few years. Will my career at Expedia blossom? Will my growth as an artist zoom? Both? Neither? I'm living in interesting times of my own making, though I don't feel cursed. I do feel like things are going to delightfully turn upside down before long.
Working as an actor. That is what this final term of ETI is about. Taking what we have learned and experienced over the year and starting to apply it. I was a little struck at how special this experience is, getting me excited about the homework I plan to work on tomorrow.
My very good and close friend from Duncan, BC is visiting, and is off doing some errands and sleeping off a lingering cold as I work. It is wonderful to see Dave again, though his bug and my schedule make things a little tight, though if he were feeling better I'd throw other things out the window for a couple days to be out and about.
I am still overwhelmed at the great treatment and opportunities Expedia has afforded me this year. Whacked out schedule, total flexibility in reporting unpaid leave and vacation while I am out for six weeks, then coming back to a promotion when I transition back to regular hours the last week of June and first week of July.
I need a day job for the near future. It was a hard thing to jump from working as a full time actor for a week, then driving into the cold hungry maw of a high tech parking garage. I do truly thrill working at Expedia. The very attributes which have made me a serious (and I hope good) artist are those which have gotten me an unsought for promotion. Getting along well with others, sincerely liking most people, an ability to run my mind and thoughts on a totally different direction, often too distant to be tangential, and to come up with seemingly simple and elegant solutions to problems. It does sound like I am trying to convince myself I enjoy my high tech job. That is true, and it is not a contradiction, though maybe a conflict. I get a little burnt out with theatre on occasion, and even in the midst of it, I know I have to get back to it, and I remind myself. My hunger and balance demand it. There's the rub. I don't know if I am compelled to work in high tech. The last bit of the commute, driving into the garage and riding in the elevator felt ominous. There was a flash, maybe an epiphany.
If I were to commit my entire life to theatre at some point, I may not be able to return to high tech. I've been able to maintain a balance with my day job and theatre, balancing two full time pursuits, which many cannot. On the other hand there are people like Rachel, who can leave high tech and explore and return as needed. That is a type of balance which I'm not sure I could do. I've made drastic changes numerous times in my life, but I've never gone back. Could I leap into theatre totally full time for a couple years, then go back to the world of programming? I don't know, and that hit entering the parking garage made me think turning back might be especially difficult.
Maybe it was the wonderful Spring day and everything else landing on me at one time. The joy of tasting the experience of being a working actor, seeing Dave (and some of our other friends at a bad movie night get together last night), the appreciation of my situation at Expedia, and the temporary nature of all human endeavors came to a head to remind me of the bigger world. Then there is Spring fever which has me feeling as randy as a teenager added to the mix.
I'm not sure the wallpaper on my computer, a picture of the Royal Shakespeare Company is comforting me. That isn't bad, as it just occurred to me that dreams probably shouldn't make you feel comfortable. That wouldn't be much of a dream now, would it?
Despite this strange feeling, I'm getting a goodly amount done at the office. A couple things to deal with, though there are some other projects I'd like to work on during my hiatus, which will make passing down responsibilities easier. It is an awkward feeling. I am in a job I enjoy with career opportunities. There is an undercurrent. Knowing there is another career I am building which is even more enjoyable, and fulfilling in ways I never imagined. I've been in a similar place before. This time there is a different feeling. In theatre, both the analytical and artistic sides of my mind and spirit are called upon. I've loved the balance working high tech and theatre gives me. There is a quiet question bouncing around within me. Can theatre in and of itself provide the balance I need to be whole? I don't know, but I suspect so.
I'm really curious to find where my journey takes me in the next few years. Will my career at Expedia blossom? Will my growth as an artist zoom? Both? Neither? I'm living in interesting times of my own making, though I don't feel cursed. I do feel like things are going to delightfully turn upside down before long.
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