Zowie
Woo hoo a quarter millennial. According my editing interface this is post #250. I hope it doesn't seem like a quarter millennium to those who read. Of course as I said from the outset, this is very much a selfish endeavor. A personal journal. I do try to be a bit aware other's are reading but I don't filter out much because of I'm worried I'll offend people. Neither do I filter out much because it is too personal. Hey there's things I won't talk about, but they are not things I care too dwell on or bring up anyway.
I'm at work for release night, on the second shift rather than my usual first shift. Kid of different. I don't feel the overwhelming need for coffee, and instead of forcing naps so I could make it through the wee hours, I went to bed early and woke up in the wee hours. Luckily we had our first hard workout in class on Friday so getting to sleep before 8PM presented no problem, and I got nearly 7 hours of shut eye. That means a short nap when I get home, leaving me time for homework and a normal night's sleep before class on Sunday. This Sunday will mark the end of week one of the first fifteen week term.
It was back in February when I worked the first shift for release night, and broke my leg the following day changing my lifestyle drastically for a couple months. It is still slightly impacted, as I'm still regaining strength. Funny the old injuries to the knee and ankle of the other leg have left me with a matched set. Well, I hope for no such adjustments tomorrow.
I've been reminded of my time in boot camp, which was eight months long thanks to a badly sprained ankle. I don't think I've talked much about my time in the Navy, which was a good experience for me, though certainly not fun much of the time. It was a life changing experience, putting myself in a scary situation. One of the most intimidating things I could think of was going to basic training, where only aviators got Marine drill instructors. One of the most exciting things I could think of was Naval Aviation. Not unlike what I am pursuing now.
The intimidation factor I'm dealing with now is mostly sense or emotional memory. The radically changed life style and totally full days evoke that feeling, even though it is twenty years later, three thousand miles away, and artistic expansion instead of military indoctrination. It is life altering training, helping you find the discipline needed to perform in an highly competitive area. There are huge differences of course. Pursuing art as a vocation is different than pursuing Naval Aviation as a vocation. My first thought was the danger inherent in flying military aircraft. A lot of my friends and acquaintances died, over one a year on average during my ten years. Art is generally less fatal, but overall I wouldn't say it is less dangerous to the individual.
Your job is to expose the soft underside of your psyche. It is a vulnerable act, and you can be deeply hurt. Like Naval Aviation, the people who find healthy find ways to deal with the dangers are usually among the most solid and true human beings I've had the privilege to encounter. This seems to be a hard concept for those in these professions that are not in themselves solid. If one has ever dealt with a goldbricker or martinet in the military, or a flake in the theatre, one can see where the stereotypes of small minded people come from on both sides.
I dealt okay in the Navy, becoming more solid, but not tremendously so. I plan to deal much better in theatre. I think the first step is to find and hold onto the joy which brought me to theatre. I've not had a problem with that in the past, so I expect to be fine. It is a reminder to myself, so I don't fall into that long ago habit. I think I'd have done much better in the Navy with several things I have now. More maturity, physical strength, and a much deeper passion. I was initially thinking that in the Navy I didn't' have a break, I ate, slept and lived the training schedule. Then I thought about my work schedule, class schedule, homework, and such. It seems I've set myself up for a similar experience. I'm smiling and chuckling as I write this. I remember my days leading up to and starting in the Navy. This is a much different and more joyful anticipatory experience. I'm still worried whether I'll cut the mustard, but not frantic about it.
I'm thinking my concern about reliving my Navy experience is in itself a solution. I lost sight of the goal and passion, and was simply determined to complete the program. I won't be letting that happen to myself again, and I've already found my theatre passion will withstand the test of time and exposure. The drill instructors weren't there to remind me of my passionate desire to flit around in the sky. Most of our instructors in ETI consider a reminder every once in a while appropriate. They are no less demanding the Gunnery Sergeant Crenshaw, USMC or Gunnery Sergeant Washington, USMC.
In a way I'm glad I didn't have that passion twenty years ago. I wouldn't be following what I've discovered to be a greater and more meaningful passion for myself. Not only would I not be training as an actor, I would likely be in that travesty in Iraq because of my specialty, airborne intelligence collection. I would have been due to retire two months after we started the war, and I'm sure I would not have been given the okey dokey. It is interesting how things often work out.
I'm at work for release night, on the second shift rather than my usual first shift. Kid of different. I don't feel the overwhelming need for coffee, and instead of forcing naps so I could make it through the wee hours, I went to bed early and woke up in the wee hours. Luckily we had our first hard workout in class on Friday so getting to sleep before 8PM presented no problem, and I got nearly 7 hours of shut eye. That means a short nap when I get home, leaving me time for homework and a normal night's sleep before class on Sunday. This Sunday will mark the end of week one of the first fifteen week term.
It was back in February when I worked the first shift for release night, and broke my leg the following day changing my lifestyle drastically for a couple months. It is still slightly impacted, as I'm still regaining strength. Funny the old injuries to the knee and ankle of the other leg have left me with a matched set. Well, I hope for no such adjustments tomorrow.
I've been reminded of my time in boot camp, which was eight months long thanks to a badly sprained ankle. I don't think I've talked much about my time in the Navy, which was a good experience for me, though certainly not fun much of the time. It was a life changing experience, putting myself in a scary situation. One of the most intimidating things I could think of was going to basic training, where only aviators got Marine drill instructors. One of the most exciting things I could think of was Naval Aviation. Not unlike what I am pursuing now.
The intimidation factor I'm dealing with now is mostly sense or emotional memory. The radically changed life style and totally full days evoke that feeling, even though it is twenty years later, three thousand miles away, and artistic expansion instead of military indoctrination. It is life altering training, helping you find the discipline needed to perform in an highly competitive area. There are huge differences of course. Pursuing art as a vocation is different than pursuing Naval Aviation as a vocation. My first thought was the danger inherent in flying military aircraft. A lot of my friends and acquaintances died, over one a year on average during my ten years. Art is generally less fatal, but overall I wouldn't say it is less dangerous to the individual.
Your job is to expose the soft underside of your psyche. It is a vulnerable act, and you can be deeply hurt. Like Naval Aviation, the people who find healthy find ways to deal with the dangers are usually among the most solid and true human beings I've had the privilege to encounter. This seems to be a hard concept for those in these professions that are not in themselves solid. If one has ever dealt with a goldbricker or martinet in the military, or a flake in the theatre, one can see where the stereotypes of small minded people come from on both sides.
I dealt okay in the Navy, becoming more solid, but not tremendously so. I plan to deal much better in theatre. I think the first step is to find and hold onto the joy which brought me to theatre. I've not had a problem with that in the past, so I expect to be fine. It is a reminder to myself, so I don't fall into that long ago habit. I think I'd have done much better in the Navy with several things I have now. More maturity, physical strength, and a much deeper passion. I was initially thinking that in the Navy I didn't' have a break, I ate, slept and lived the training schedule. Then I thought about my work schedule, class schedule, homework, and such. It seems I've set myself up for a similar experience. I'm smiling and chuckling as I write this. I remember my days leading up to and starting in the Navy. This is a much different and more joyful anticipatory experience. I'm still worried whether I'll cut the mustard, but not frantic about it.
I'm thinking my concern about reliving my Navy experience is in itself a solution. I lost sight of the goal and passion, and was simply determined to complete the program. I won't be letting that happen to myself again, and I've already found my theatre passion will withstand the test of time and exposure. The drill instructors weren't there to remind me of my passionate desire to flit around in the sky. Most of our instructors in ETI consider a reminder every once in a while appropriate. They are no less demanding the Gunnery Sergeant Crenshaw, USMC or Gunnery Sergeant Washington, USMC.
In a way I'm glad I didn't have that passion twenty years ago. I wouldn't be following what I've discovered to be a greater and more meaningful passion for myself. Not only would I not be training as an actor, I would likely be in that travesty in Iraq because of my specialty, airborne intelligence collection. I would have been due to retire two months after we started the war, and I'm sure I would not have been given the okey dokey. It is interesting how things often work out.
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