That Barrier Wasn't So Sound

We completed the first week of class tonight. Unlike last Tuesday I'm ready to go to sleep now, but I am also famished so I really do need to stay up for a bit. I didn't bring a lot of food to class, and shared some with someone who forgot, and still didn't have enough time to eat everything else. I did eat all my protein during that fifteen minute break, as I knew I needed it the most. Eleven hours of class, movement, speech, voice, and acting. I'm bushed.

I was quite surprised tonight in a positive way. My scene partner and I volunteered to be the class demo for Essential Desire, which for both of us was self worth. We did an improv around the scene which culminates in a rape, or at the very least a very aggressive seduction after all else fails. For those that know me or my work, sensuality is a challenge for me on stage or off. As well as cruelty. It was brutal and sensual, and I did well. I think the instructor was aware of the challenge for me, as he made a point of complimenting my work at least twice.

It was horrifying and delightful, and I'll explore it in another post. That's one of the great things in acting, playing with and being characters you would not admire in the real world, but love in make believe land. I was worried about my walls getting in the way with this kind of work this year. It didn't even feel like a breakthrough, and that in itself is a personal breakthrough. The lingering doubt evaporated for now, and I know this is where I belong. I'll have other doubts and challenges, but dealing with this was a tremendous boon, giving me confidence I'll be able to deal with them.

I'd like to go on, but my meal is nearly ready, and I suspect this is not the best venue right now. Maybe I'll rewrite or archive this in the light of day.