Catching The Changing Tides
I received a letter from Freehold yesterday. Crap. Well, things have changed. If you don't' want to wade through it all, check the last two paragraphs.
I was not (initially) selected for ETI. Right now the disappointment far outweighs the relief of knowing I'll have more time next year. I'm on the wait list, which I suppose means they'll contact me if they get desperate for a body should some of the picks decline the opportunity. Had I been selected I'd have confirmed in a heartbeat -- since I'd made tentative plans and inquiries ahead of time. However, if a spot opens up I will be conflicted. My initial worry of getting ahead of myself would be revived. I don't want to make the commitment to simply allow them to achieve the desired body count. Even with the day job flexibility it could mean giving up my career, and if they have doubts as to whether I am ready professionally I should think about it too. I doubt I'll have to worry about it though.
[DELETED my irritation over the letter vs a phone call]
So where do I go from here? Well, good things came up. Auditions are always good experience, and I figured out exactly why I want classical training. I also found out that for this type of time commitment my employer, Expedia, is willing to make some big adjustments -- though I worry floating the question may have compromised my status slightly. It also opens me up to other ways of getting training and experience.
Locally, I'll be checking Northwest Actors Studio for their conservatory program. I'm sure it is too late for this year, so I'll take the next year to explore the program and try a class or two to get a feeling for their atmosphere. I'll look into other conservatory programs. I've a contact in Toronto I'll check with. Not having been there, I have this stereotype classical training would be the norm. Anyone have any recommendations or contacts elsewhere?
I'll also be thinking about the theatre I put on hold while I waited to find out about ETI. I have a few weeks to think on that, as the Shakespeare Intensive I signed up for starts today. As I mentioned earlier, it was supposed to start on Sunday, but the instructor called moments after I cleared customs to cancel the first two sessions.
Speaking of my short vacation, I started a blog entry while I was up there.
It was quite a fun weekend. I took Thursday and Friday off, and rode up on the Victoria Clipper. I really enjoy going that route, as it is so easy for me. Of course I have to get a ride to and from Victoria, which is about an hour's trip. I was thinking of taking my motorcycle on one of the ferries, but decided against it because I was so beat from work. I just didn't look forward to a post work ride up north to my stepsister's house in Bellingham, then an early morning ride to Anacortes. Next time.
Thursday was a scorcher, and we ate in air conditioned splendor at White Spot, a small chain. I wasn't so sure about the name but nary a neo-nazi was to be seen. The next night I was going to grill lamb chops in honor of the sheep pasture across the arterial, but the kids didn't want them. So it was steaks, and salmon for Dave whose system can't handle meat. (Poor fellow, because he used to love steaks.) I gifted them with a cheap charcoal grill, which cost nearly as much as the bag of charcoal. I generally cook over gas, and as a result the steaks I'd intended to be rare and medium were swapped. It all worked out in the end -- even the nearly well done ones tasted great. The nice thing about getting quality instead of Costco or Walmart.
After the barbecue I took the girls, Jade 14, and Kali 9, and Kalon to the theatre in Chemainus to see The Wizard of Oz. Dave stayed home to mind Cullen, as Kalon had done the previous evening. It was a very good show in a very nice professional theatre. Canada is tempting when thinking of working in theatre. You can make a living at it a little easier, and there are lovely professional theatres in small towns like Chemainus.
Saturday was even more laid back. Dave put Cullen in the stroller and we went on a two and a half hour walk. Five to six miles, likely longer. We weren't power walking, but we weren't dawdling either. Longest walk since I broke my leg, and it felt good. My knee was a little tender, but it is nice to feel so much better. I didn't even think about it being a long walk on my recovering leg until we were done. Good. Dave's mom who lives in the downstairs apartment cooked up our dinner on Saturday.
Then up early on Sunday, and back to Victoria where Dave and I had breakfast before I checked in.
Shit, shyte, SHIT! I just got a call from Robin at Freehold and was offered a position in ETI. I have until Friday to make up my mind. I told her my concern, that they had passed over me maybe because I wasn't professionally ready for the commitment. No, they'd talked about it and I would not have been wait listed if I wasn't ready. It's surprising to me that I asked the question -- didn't have the confidence to do so a few short years ago. Well folks, I've still some heavy thinking to do the next few days. Maybe it is a good thing, forcing me to think about it a bit before committing, as well as experiencing the let down when I thought I wouldn't be offered a slot.
Keep me in your thoughts in whatever spiritual or non-spiritual way works for you. If you've seen me and have any professional thoughts now is the time I could use them. I don't want to simply say yes because I want the training and get in over my head, and don't want to say no and cut off my nose to spite my face. Right now, I'm strongly leaning towards accepting.
I was not (initially) selected for ETI. Right now the disappointment far outweighs the relief of knowing I'll have more time next year. I'm on the wait list, which I suppose means they'll contact me if they get desperate for a body should some of the picks decline the opportunity. Had I been selected I'd have confirmed in a heartbeat -- since I'd made tentative plans and inquiries ahead of time. However, if a spot opens up I will be conflicted. My initial worry of getting ahead of myself would be revived. I don't want to make the commitment to simply allow them to achieve the desired body count. Even with the day job flexibility it could mean giving up my career, and if they have doubts as to whether I am ready professionally I should think about it too. I doubt I'll have to worry about it though.
[DELETED my irritation over the letter vs a phone call]
So where do I go from here? Well, good things came up. Auditions are always good experience, and I figured out exactly why I want classical training. I also found out that for this type of time commitment my employer, Expedia, is willing to make some big adjustments -- though I worry floating the question may have compromised my status slightly. It also opens me up to other ways of getting training and experience.
Locally, I'll be checking Northwest Actors Studio for their conservatory program. I'm sure it is too late for this year, so I'll take the next year to explore the program and try a class or two to get a feeling for their atmosphere. I'll look into other conservatory programs. I've a contact in Toronto I'll check with. Not having been there, I have this stereotype classical training would be the norm. Anyone have any recommendations or contacts elsewhere?
I'll also be thinking about the theatre I put on hold while I waited to find out about ETI. I have a few weeks to think on that, as the Shakespeare Intensive I signed up for starts today. As I mentioned earlier, it was supposed to start on Sunday, but the instructor called moments after I cleared customs to cancel the first two sessions.
Speaking of my short vacation, I started a blog entry while I was up there.
I'm up in Duncan, British Columbia with young Cullen on my lap. He just left me for sister Kali.That's as far as I got, as the fickle thirteen month old Cullen immediately came back and I wanted to give him more attention. I seem to have an affinity with pets and kids. People often tell me their child or pet doesn't usually warm up to people so quickly.
It was quite a fun weekend. I took Thursday and Friday off, and rode up on the Victoria Clipper. I really enjoy going that route, as it is so easy for me. Of course I have to get a ride to and from Victoria, which is about an hour's trip. I was thinking of taking my motorcycle on one of the ferries, but decided against it because I was so beat from work. I just didn't look forward to a post work ride up north to my stepsister's house in Bellingham, then an early morning ride to Anacortes. Next time.
Thursday was a scorcher, and we ate in air conditioned splendor at White Spot, a small chain. I wasn't so sure about the name but nary a neo-nazi was to be seen. The next night I was going to grill lamb chops in honor of the sheep pasture across the arterial, but the kids didn't want them. So it was steaks, and salmon for Dave whose system can't handle meat. (Poor fellow, because he used to love steaks.) I gifted them with a cheap charcoal grill, which cost nearly as much as the bag of charcoal. I generally cook over gas, and as a result the steaks I'd intended to be rare and medium were swapped. It all worked out in the end -- even the nearly well done ones tasted great. The nice thing about getting quality instead of Costco or Walmart.
After the barbecue I took the girls, Jade 14, and Kali 9, and Kalon to the theatre in Chemainus to see The Wizard of Oz. Dave stayed home to mind Cullen, as Kalon had done the previous evening. It was a very good show in a very nice professional theatre. Canada is tempting when thinking of working in theatre. You can make a living at it a little easier, and there are lovely professional theatres in small towns like Chemainus.
Saturday was even more laid back. Dave put Cullen in the stroller and we went on a two and a half hour walk. Five to six miles, likely longer. We weren't power walking, but we weren't dawdling either. Longest walk since I broke my leg, and it felt good. My knee was a little tender, but it is nice to feel so much better. I didn't even think about it being a long walk on my recovering leg until we were done. Good. Dave's mom who lives in the downstairs apartment cooked up our dinner on Saturday.
Then up early on Sunday, and back to Victoria where Dave and I had breakfast before I checked in.
Shit, shyte, SHIT! I just got a call from Robin at Freehold and was offered a position in ETI. I have until Friday to make up my mind. I told her my concern, that they had passed over me maybe because I wasn't professionally ready for the commitment. No, they'd talked about it and I would not have been wait listed if I wasn't ready. It's surprising to me that I asked the question -- didn't have the confidence to do so a few short years ago. Well folks, I've still some heavy thinking to do the next few days. Maybe it is a good thing, forcing me to think about it a bit before committing, as well as experiencing the let down when I thought I wouldn't be offered a slot.
Keep me in your thoughts in whatever spiritual or non-spiritual way works for you. If you've seen me and have any professional thoughts now is the time I could use them. I don't want to simply say yes because I want the training and get in over my head, and don't want to say no and cut off my nose to spite my face. Right now, I'm strongly leaning towards accepting.
3 Comments:
First of all, the quip about White Spot made me laugh. I had never thought of that interpretation. FWIW, they are a small chain, but they are nationwide.
Secondly, congratulations! My gut reaction is that you should seize the moment. This is something you really want to do. It may put you into some uncomfortable situations regarding work/income, etc, but we do not grow unless we take risks. Take advantage of this gift. You were not so far down the wait list as you got a call rather quickly. Scott, I'm proud of you no matter what you decide, but I suggest you jump at it.
Only you will know what is best for you. It's like with acting: only you know what's right for your character.
That said, here's my other thoughts.
1. Desire is the only clue left by god as to our true purpose. -- James Hillman. You have consistently desired to do this program. I trust that desire.
2. You have already had a profound journey at this school with this instructor. That makes me think odds are high you'll find that there again. I followed Mark Williams for a solid year, taking every class he taught everywhere, until he moved away. I took Scene Study, Shakespeare, Mask, Clown, Improv, Movement -- I was insatiable. Similarly, I took every course Leonid offered here for 2 years. Every course Bart offered for another 2 years. When you find nourishment, devour it. That's why I say, only you will know. Because only you can tell what will nourish you.
3. Our teachers are infinitely precious. There is no guarantee that Robin, Freehold, or ETI will ever exist again beyond this fall. If the gods have laid this in your hands, seize it.
4. I don't believe, "Will I make it professionally?" is the question on which to base this decision. What feels more right to me is, "Will this grow me as an artist?" or "Will this grow me as a person?" or "Does it feel right to me to do this?"
5. For me personally, I love training. I'm selective about who I study with, and what I study. But the training itself -- man, I plan to learn from fantastic teachers the rest of my life. Training is an investment in my soul that nourishes me forever. And that no one can ever take away. It also connects me with people who often become part of my personal and professional life, in mysterious ways.
I decided I was going to be one of the actors who made it. I would invest so heavily in myself that eventually there would not be anyone else who could do what I could do. -- Anthony Lee, theatre/film actor
Well, that's my two cents. As they say, take what you like and leave the rest. You will know what is right for you.
For me personally -- on big decisions like this, I do slowtens. I place the question in the far corner, turn on hauntingly beautiful music, and move toward it. I am kinesthetic. So after I go, interact, and return, I know everything. The more I do it, the more I know.
That's my process. Use whatever process works for you.
Part of the training of an artist is, an artist becomes perceptive; able to discern what is true for them.
Thank you my friends!
You nailed most all the things I have been mulling. This afternoon I asked my manager about shifting my work hours, basically working Saturdays instead of Fridays. That is my official notification. I'd told him I probably wasn't going during our weekly meeting, about five minutes before Robin called. (If I have to choose between work and ETI which I don't expect to happen, well I'll be a contractor again.) I'll be calling Freehold tomorrow morning to accept the offer.
I suppose I should clarify one thing. I'm not worried about being a professional artist at this point, if that becomes my path I will evolve to it. My concerns about my 'professional' level were whether I was ready for this training. Competence or experience may have better descriptors.
I've believed I'm ready since talking to Robin, George, and John, and was giving myself a chance to redigest.
Slow tens sound good. I am tempted to go and do them in the dusk/dark at the school field across the street from my house. I think 15-60 minutes or whatever feels right will do it for me.
To be honest, I'd made up my mind when I talked to Robin. I made my logical side take a look at it. Well, nothing has changed, friends like the both of you helped me check my perspective. And I'm sure I'll blog on this later -- talking to my folks made a big difference the last couple months, and particularly the last couple weeks. Their support and especially their enthusiasm about this endeavour is a tremendous comfort and reality check.
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