Correspondence

I have exchanged a number of deep correspondences the last week. I didn't keep my rage and hurt about the war limited here to my journal. One of my closest friends wrote back immediately, "I love you. I know you know that, but I thought I'd remind you." I have served as a calming influence and anchor for her in many productions. She and her fiance are very very important to me, probably my best friends right now, and one of the happiest events for me this year was when they told me they were engaged. She is right, I know they love me. The reminder was incredibly meaningful and timely.

Another very good friend wrote with a great perspective. She pointed out my rage was looking for an outlet, and the innate wisdom from letting yourself be open focused the rage on legitimate targets. Not that those targets weren't causing rage of their own. What a great thing to see. Rage from within sharpening anger directed by wisdom from without. Is that a difference between artists and technologists? Technologist tend respect wisdom or knowledge they have developed themselves, whereas artists honor wisdom and knowledge from elsewhere? No wonder us crossovers feel conflicted at times. The point she made and I paraphrased, was freeing and sent me down these different avenues of thought, helping restore some peripheral perception of the world.

She also blogged a list of "100 things about me." It was a fascinating, revealing exercise in which many things I didn't know were shared, and things for which I had a different perspective. One of the things I liked and honored most were the contradictions. I enjoy and am fascinated by dichotomy. Life in tension. Complementary aspects. Inconsistency. Struggle. Frivolity. Any or all of these. If everything were consistent, predictable, dire, and immutable where would you find life? I was in conflict with myself, still am; the note and blog served to remind me it is simply life being lived and moving toward fullness.

Another friend told me to give myself time and permission to grieve and rave. She sent me a quote which I am considering printing up or finding for my bedroom wall.

Mother Teresa's Prayer

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
...Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
...Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
...Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
...Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
...Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
...Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
...Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
...Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

"We can do no great things -
Only small things
With Great Love."

Inscribed on the wall of her children's home in Calcutta.

Another friend thanked me, sharing his concern with a friend about to be deployed to the gulf. There were kind and well considered words from many other friends and family.

Every letter, every note touched me deeply. There is an upswell of feeling I feel at those raw times, like I could break into tears or laughter or both. Like the lightest breath of wind on my body or drop of rain on my head would push me over the edge. I am still on that cusp, and feel the upswell every time I read over one of them again. I have this hope and expectation I will soon be surfing the swell. I wonder where it will take me?