Daily Oily Encounters

I started out with a pretty normal commute this morning. As usual, I watched the cell phone drivers kissing the stripes and turtles on both side of their lanes and driving over curbs when making turns. I usually ride a motorcycle, so even when I'm driving my truck I still keep an eye on the dangerous drivers. I sometimes long for the days of drunk drivers. At least they were trying to focus on the road.

I stopped to get gas, forgetting I was at one of the pay before you pump stations. The nice woman in the mini-mart reminded me. She had forgotten the public address system was at full volume. I nearly had a personal accident while jumping clean out of my shoes. Using my best operatic voice as I was walking in, and I can get loud, "I heard you, I'll be right in!" Luckily the spirit of my holler was understood, as she was in stitches when I came in. I made matters worse when I said, "Jayzus, I thought John Ashcroft was after me."

When I went back to pump the other clerk who was outside and still chuckling, said something to me about the volume too. I couldn't make out exactly what she said as she was drowned out by the guy filling up an SUV and talking loudly in his cell phone. I said, "You should blast the guy on his cell phone with the speakers." She blasted him good, but in person. I admired her directness, especially when he sassed her like most do when they're caught being stupid or inconsiderate. It was hysterical, though I suspect you had to be there. "Get the phone away from the nozzle." Then in reponse to his lame sassing, paraphrased, "I don't care who you're talking to, I don't want to be engulfed in a giant fireball for them."

For my parting gift they both came up on the speakers saying they were sorry they scared me. It was still full-volume, but I was inured. The cell phone guy wasn't, and I saw him jump pretty high. I wonder if he wet his cell phone.

It is painful to be paying so much for gas, especially when my motorcycle is broken. To make things worse, it feels like an involuntary campaign contribution for Bush, who is not my candidate of choice. Even so, the blaring speakers and the numb nut on the cell phone getting castigated were entertainment at it's best and made the price of admission worth it all. I was laughing the rest of the way to work. It is important to my emotional and spiritual well-being to laugh every day, and as often as possible. That kind of therapy is usually more than $40, and I even got a bit over half a tank of gas out of the deal as a bonus.