Acting Up

Cumin-Thyme Chicken

2011-09-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

Two pairs of chicken breast, skinned, deboned and cut up stir fry style
2-4 tbsp's oil
1-2 tbsp cumin seeds
1 tbsp thyme
Fennel
1 bunch of green onions
Garlic Powder
Ground Black Pepper
Ground Red Chili
3 medium turnips (with greens if possible)
3 small to medium beets (may be replaced with turnips)
2 large cans diced tomatoes

All measurements are approximate and may be adjusted to taste. The idea was to create a non-bean chili type dish for serving with rice.

I like to cut up everything ahead of time.
Cut the chicken into 1" or less sized chunks.

Chop the green onions into fairly thin pieces, along with thinly sliced and chopped fennel.
Chop the stems from the greens into fairly thin pieces and set aside with the green onions.

Chop the greens. I go for about 1/4-1/2" pieces so they infuse the dish.

Dice the turnips (and beets if used) to roughly 1/2".

Heat a deep skillet to medium, and add the oil.
Add the cumin seeds. They should toast in the hot oil pretty quickly.

Add the chicken. Stir occasionally. Once the first searing is done and before the liquid runs off add the chopped green onions and stems and garlic powder to taste. Then the chopped turnips/beets.

When the liquid starts to cook out of the chicken and the turnips/beets are just starting to soften add the thyme, and liberal amounts (for your taste) of black and chili pepper. Give a good stir and add the chopped greens, leaving them on top cover and simmer/steam for 5-10 minutes so that they are nearly done.

Add the diced tomatoes, bring to a boil and simmer for a little while. It can cook for a long time if you want, but I find I like it better if it is only simmered for about ten minutes.

It is nice served over rice, or cold like a gazpacho.

Summer Turkey Soup

2011-07-27T15:06:00.000-07:00

Here's another experiment which worked out well and I'd like to try again. I'm trying to thing of something slightly tart and crunchy and/or firm to add to the soup...

Make Stock from Turkey (I'm going to try with a largish chicken...)
Bones, cracking the big ones and skin.For the stock...

Slice up four medium limes
A nice big bunch of cilantro
A big leek (split and cut in two or three lengths)
Generous amount of fresh sliced ginger
Handful of chopped serrano peppers.

I let this simmer nearly 24 hours, ending up with roughly a gallon of stock.

Then, shred the left over meat and added it back to the strained stock adding a little salt and sugar. Just enough salt to bring out the turkey stock flavor, and not enough to give it a warm taste. And just enough sugar to bring out the lime flavor without adding sweetness to the flavor. You can add more later if you want, but don't want to end up with a heavy Winter type soup, then in order once it comes to a boil...

Add a good sized jicama (cut mostly to short something resembling french fry bits) and a couple cups chopped celery and bring to a boil for about five minutes.

Add four or five modest up zuccini cut up, and brought to a boil again for about five minutes.

Add five medium sized orange bell peppers diced and brought to a boil for another five minutes.

This about filled up the 10-12 quart stock pot.

Simple Asparagus

2011-04-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

I like to rinse and cut up the asparagus (about 2" lengths) ahead of time, so I can do the quick cooking as the other dishes are finishing up.

It is very simple, preheat the pan to medium and when the pan is very hot pour in some oil (I like grapeseed oil as it won't smoke so much), and a liberal sprinkling of dill seeds. Let them 'toast' in the hot oil for just a bit, then add the asparagus, getting as much as possible on the surface of the pan. Set the timer for five minutes. When there are 2 minutes left salt and pepper to taste and add ten or so drops, (a modest sprinkling), of lime juice for flavor and steam, then cover until the five minutes is up. Serve.

Killer Rabbit

2011-04-25T18:10:00.001-07:00

In honor of the best Easter movie ever (Life of Brian is up there too).

Works for 1.5-4lbs cut up rabbit.

In a hot (medium) pan add a couple tablespoons of rich olive oil and a liberal sprinkling of cumin seeds. The oil probably be smoking a bit so promptly add the rabbit pieces pushing most of the seeds to the sides. Sautee the rabbit about five minutes a side.

Take the rabbit out and add a chopped onion and a cup or so of sliced (or chopped) mushrooms at medium heat for about five minutes adding several more tablespoons of rich olive oil if desired, and a dusting of smoked paprika (1/8-1/4 teaspoon).

Add 1/3-1/2 cup of water with a little balsalmic vinegar and a modest sprinlking of garlic powder, a generous amount of sage, and stir.

While that is coming to a simmer/boil mix another two cups of liquid consisting of a cup of water and a cup of beef stock. (I use deglazed drippings from a roast beef so I go with a little less because of the strength of the stock.) Add a modest amount of salt, and some more balsalmic vinegar. Enough to make the raw sauce seem a slightly tart, but not to the point of having a distinctly vinegary taste. I add 1/3-1/2 cup of gram (chick pea) flour, mixing into a paste beforehand like you would for cornstarch to give a nicer body to the sauce. When this is at or near a simmer add the rabbit pieces back and when it starts bubbling adust the heat to maintain a low simmer. Simmer with the top off for about an hour.

In the meantime, prepare your side dishes, so that they have about ten minutes left to prepare. Once the rabbit has simmered for an hour or nearly so, cover the pan and finish the side dishes. Turn off the heat for the rabbit after it has been covered for 5-10 minutes. When your side dish(es) are done serve everything up...

Miscellaneous and Tryptonaps

2011-02-22T12:03:00.000-08:00

I've been reviewing my pictures on Flickr lately. I've gone back eleven months so far, and I was pleasantly surprised. The pictures are better than I remembered. I'm encouraged to try and copy them all over to another account, and start cleaning up the current account to images which were artistically motivated in conception or execution, with the family, friends, and proofs included on the other account. That would reduce the items of less interest for most visitors.

I also had fun catching up on the Monroe Flickr accounts this weekend (names skipped to protect the irreverent). I viewed all the photos I hadn't seen before and will probably be commenting and/or favoriting some of my favorites. I do that a lot, coming back to the ones that stick in my mind for a bit. Right now I've not got a lot of Flickr contacts. On the one hand I'd like to have more, on the other I wouldn't have the luxury of looking at every new image if I did. Justifying shyness I suppose. For some of the more prodigious contacts oftentimes I now page through the stream rather than each individual image.

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We had the read through for my one act play this Sunday, including my friend David F standing in for one of the principals. It was daunting to have six actors there reading my script along with the director (L. Nicol Cabe) and our Freehold Studio Series mentor (Sarah Harlett). The first rehearsal is March 2nd, when we should have all seven actors there for table work. I brought in donuts for everyone, as with this bug I thought it best not to bring in home cooking. I don't think I'm contagious but didn't want to stretch my luck, but I may be able to bring something for the 2nd.

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A week ago Sunday we had a roast turkey as a treat for Aaron and Sonya who were down visiting. (They don't eat mammals.) I made a stuffing with celery, broken up rice cakes, mushrooms, minced giblets, and juices from said giblets. It was more a pudding consistency, and I thought scrumptious. The gravy needed xanthum gum in addition to the rice flour, and was surprisingly good. I mention the turkey because I made the leftovers into soup on Friday. Following is a picture of most the post stock making ingredients and a bit of a process description.

The big bowl has the carrots and potatoes which I like to cook more, and the tomatoes and celery which I wanted broken down for this batch. Next the red bell peppers with some slightly dried out brown basmati rice was added along with the dark meat. The light meat and some wild rice was added just before taking off the heat. The stock was made with the bones and skin from the turkey which Eric separated, and stock veggies (carrots, onions, turnip, rutabaga). It was strained and hominy added before starting the reheat and adding the above. Ended up with a couple gallons of nice turkey soup which has been quite a hit. About the only additional seasoning was salt, ground pepper, and parsley, mostly for color.

As long as we're on cooking, I set the oven to start a sirloin tip roast while I was at the read through. It got done a little sooner than I expected, and was totally delish. For vegetables I chopped up some sun dried tomatoes and simmered them with some sauteed mustard seeds and water. I'd have simmered this much shorter except the tomatoes were crunchy rather than the more chewy, dried fruit type. I have to look around for some of those. To the simmering mixture I added frozen peas which came out alright, and reheated to be better. Chelsea and Madeline came by and Eric gave Chelsea helpings of roast beef, the spaghetti squash and marinara, and I think a little turkey soup. It was flattering he wanted to share my recent edible creations with his daughter.

Feeling Squashed

2011-02-18T16:44:00.000-08:00

I'm switching between feeling like I'm strangling and wanting to feel myself strangling something. Not a person, just whatever it is which is blocking me. Nice and early out of the sack today. Not feeling nice and early, but I was able to get the car in for servicing, and have them shuttle me to work. My cell phone alarm went off as I was getting on the elevator at work, so I know I got here at 8am. That's god awful early for me.

There's an edge of something I'm standing on, wondering if it is a precipice or a curb.

I'm furious about something, and wonder if there would be less or more rage if I could identify it.

I wish my history really was history.

I can't move anything, yet everything can move me.

Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, yeah you betcha.

The evening before last I cooked up the last spaghetti squash from the small crop Eric grew. It turns out our small crop was bigger than most people's, it was a wretched growing season. I used a little extra of most ingredients as it was a good sized squash. It was yummy. Last night I planned to cut up a couple leftover Cajun links add them to a plain marinara, and use that with the left over spaghetti squash. Happy accident. One of the links was eaten by then, but the quarter cabbage that I season, sear, and steam with the sausage in their own juices was left. I used that and the remaining sausage, chopping them and heating with the marinara. It was "Oh My God Good."

FROM _http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/spaghetti-squash-i/Detail.aspx
* 1 spaghetti squash, halved lengthwise and seeded
* 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
* 1 onion, chopped
* 1 clove garlic, minced
* 1 1/2 cups chopped tomatoes
* 3/4 cup crumbled feta cheese
* 3 tablespoons sliced black olives
* 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a baking sheet.
2. Place spaghetti squash cut sides down on the prepared baking sheet, and bake 30 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a sharp knife can be inserted with only a little resistance. Remove squash from oven, and set aside to cool enough to be easily handled.
3. Meanwhile, heat oil in a skillet over medium heat. Saute onion in oil until tender. Add garlic, and saute for 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in the tomatoes, and cook only until tomatoes are warm.
4. Use a large spoon to scoop the stringy pulp from the squash, and place in a medium bowl. Toss with the sauteed vegetables, feta cheese, olives, and basil. Serve warm.

Trucking

2011-02-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

Our playwriting assignment for next week is to start with a news story about Moon Trees, referring to trees germinated from seeds taken aboard the Apollo 14 mission to the moon. The second part is to pick a genre which is outside your normal style(s) and use that. I'm going to try a modern noir. I mention it, because it sounds like a fun premise.

Another bit of yesterday's class was quite fun. We got done a little early and the instructor asked what we wanted to discuss anything, or if people just wanted to reclaim the time. I spoke up, "It's my Dad's 80th birthday today and if you'd like we could sing Happy Birthday to his Voice Mail if I get it." They said, heck we could sing to him anyway. It was an enthusiastic response so I called and did indeed get voice mail, and we sang. I for one, thought it was wonderfully fun. I'd thought about asking folks to sing earlier in class, and dismissed it not being able to think of a way to introduce the idea which wasn't out of place or contrived, then an opportunity made itself available.

This break from reading is impacting me in unexpected ways. For over ten years I've been putting on a movie when I go to sleep, which slowed and focused my mind on something innocuous which let me easily drift off, instead of going through the multi-hour struggle to sleep. Ending that seems to make my sleep more solid as I wake up earlier feeling ready to go. So far, it hasn't made getting to sleep take longer. I've even stopped listening to the news on the radio, which changes the whole nature of the commute. Skipping the paper in the morning frees up an amazing amount of time, and I get to work earlier and still have time for the stretches to reduce the sciatica adventures. To top it off coffee seems to mess with me more.

I have some work to do on the computer tonight which does not fall into the rather inclusive "reading" category. I'll be preparing "Thank You for auditioning, but..." notifications and getting the next round of tweaks on the script started. The extra time will be useful tonight as I slog through.

Getting Back to Journaling the Artistic Journey

2011-02-15T17:00:00.000-08:00

Maybe. It's a step which I need to take at least for a while. Keeping a journal, like morning pages, organizes things in my mind and the desire to write something of personal import motivates me. It may not be interesting to others, and with all due regard to my gentle reader(s), I don't give a rat's ass. (Why do I like that expression?)

No reading for one week. I can still work of course, but no newspapers, books, Email, tv, etc. Except for The Artist's Way and notes or tasks for that, and work. It's week four of The Artist's Way, and this is the most poignant thing since starting the morning pages, where you do a sort of mind dump on three pages every morning.

The program is just starting to impact my psyche. I'm getting a feeling things I had thought were long ago dealt with are more likely shelved for later neuroses. Well, shit on that. I'll just have to deal. Starting with a failing Mom I'm not even sure I like. Family love is a funny thing. Funny as in occasionally fucked up, not funny weird or funny ha-ha.

One of the things I started dealing with is one of my very good friends, one I've not seen much of in quite a while. I don't think Friend ever reads this, not many do. I'll be circumspect just the same. 'Friend' is a talented and brilliant artist who I greatly admire, whose example urged me to seek advanced training. Ironically, much of the reason I have pulled back from the arts outside of work pressures which I've never taken too seriously anyway, which I considered a challenge not a block, is Friend's feedback.

Friend neither respects nor values my work on stage. Rather than pay attention to any others who have given me wonderfully supportive and encouraging feedback, I let this hold me back. The Artist's Way revealed this hidden block, and is also challenging the source of said notion. First I find things which are blocking me, then find I'm picking the most devastating negativities I can find, and giving them disproportionate weight. I talk about going through the conservatory program, yet haven't been doing much. I need to get on my feet more, it saves my psyche and emotional life, and feeds my other creative endeavors. I don't need accolades I'll never get from someone who typically looks for things they don't like in any production instead of finding what is moving or enjoyable.

The same thing with poetry. I like memorizing and reciting (manly) poetry. Kipling, Service, Coleridge, etc. And Shakespeare. No one really wants to hear it, so there is another manufactured bit of negativity. It doesn't matter if they don't care for poetry or poetry of that type, or can't stop to listen to another for that long. I could try to find others who like to recite things, but then I'd have to put up or shut up. Reciting for one to several people in an informal setting is harder for me than a large theater with regards to stage fright, which might feed the underlying avoidance.

It's the start of a search for things which fuck me up. And owning them rather than blaming others as my inner republican would like to do.

Spicey Green Beans

2010-12-30T15:57:00.000-08:00

One medium yellow onion
1-3 tablespoons mustard seeds
1-6 teaspoons thinly sliced or slivered fresh ginger
4-6 helpings worth of green beans
1-8 teaspoons red chili powder depending on type and taste (NOT a chili and kidney bean spice mix, but red pepper as in cayenne or Indian red chili powder)
Salt
Garlic Powder

Cut the onion into rectangular pieces, 1/2-1" long.

Heat skillet to medium heat, add grapeseed oil (or other high temp oil). If a healthy oil I like to be generous.

Add the onions, then mustard seed and don't stir until the first cooked surface has started to brown. Then stir frequently until the onions just start to soften or turn transluscent.

Push onions to the sides and add green beans. I like to break them down to about 2" lengths. Let the green beans sear a couple times then stir it up and add the red chili powder a generous sprinkling of garlic powder and cover for five minutes.

About half way through the five minutes add the ginger and stir. I work to get an amount that pops, but is not pervasive in every bite. Slices cut in half may be the way to go. Add water to make a pleasing sauce from the chili and garlic powder.

The cooking time should be adjusted up or down for thin or thick green beans. They should be slightly softened, while retaining just a little cruchiness.

Sweet and Sour Ginger Lamb

2010-12-30T15:47:00.001-08:00

A few days before Christmas I roasted a nice leg of lamb and had quite a bit left over. Made up a recipe which was quite a hit.

2 medium granny smith apples, peeled and chopped
1/2 - 1 cup (white) raisins
2-5 teaspoons rosemary, depending on the gaminess of the lamb
several tablespoons of fresh ginger, minced or slivered
1-3 tablespoons basalmic vinegar

1-2 cups asparagus, chopped to 3/4-1" long pieces
1-2 cups snow peas, broken in half
1-2 medium shallots finely chopped
1/2-1 cup chopped green onion
2 cups leftover lamb roast, 1/4 inch cubes.

Heat a small skillet to medium, then add a high temp oil like grapeseed.
Add the apples and raisins. Let sit for a few minutes to carmelize the apples just a bit.
Stir the apples and raisins fairly often, and as the apples start to break down add water, as needed to keep them from getting dried out. As the water starts getting slightly applesauce-like add the ginger. Don't completely break down the apples, and once they get pretty far along add the basalmic vinegar.

Heat a large skillet or wok to stir fry temperature, add high temp oil and the asparagus and snow peas. Add chili oil to taste if desired.
Stir infrequently allowing the vegetable brown a little bit a couple times.
Add the shallots and stir more often to cook (and cover) everything. When nearly done add the green onion and lamb. Salt and pepper to taste and when everything is about done...

Stir the contents of the small skillet into the wok or large skillet, and add water to get the desired sauciness. The apples and raisins should serve to thicken the mix just right, and if not add a little corn starch or your favorite thickener.

Serve over rice.

Lamb and Chicken Meatloaf

2010-12-30T15:42:00.000-08:00

I haven't been writing much here lately, so I thought I'd archive a few recently developed recipes. These are directions for me, so ingredient quantities are pretty rough. Deal with it, and follow your mood for the day. That should help you get things the way you like.

This is a recipe that surprised us (my brother and I) as it was developed during an elimination diet. I was only eating lamb, rice, and chicken, and the second time I made it I had added a few veggies to my diet...

2 lbs lean ground lamb
1 lb lean ground chicken
9 crushed rice cakes (I like the brown rice ones)
1-2 medium shallots finely chopped
2-4 teaspoons rosemary (depending on your taste and gaminess of lamb)
2-4 tablespoons parsley (for appearance)
chopped celery (roughly one cup)
chopped mushroom (roughly one cup)
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350

Mix all together and form into two loafs. I put in a bread pan with a bit of olive oil and rub a little oil on the upper surface. If the meat is not lean this wouldn't be needed.
Bake until internal temperature reaches 165, 50-60 minutes.

A Different Crawlie

2010-05-26T17:46:00.000-07:00

Well, not nearly as much crawling anymore. But to Great Uncle Scott it seems Madeline was learning to walk just a moment ago.

My brother is rooming at the house so I see his Granddaughter more often. I had the camera handy a couple weeks ago when they stopped by briefly. She is always moving and once again the lighting was low, but I still managed to get a couple okay shots. I think her cute factor makes up for my technical deficiency.

Nothing New Under the Sun

2010-05-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

The spider pictured in the last post is a Giant House Spider (sometimes called European House Spider). I received a very nice reply from the Arachnologist at the University of Washington Burke Museum, with a link to http://www.washington.edu/burkemuseum/spidermyth/myths/insidewolf.html. He also told me these spiders are so docile and harmless he uses them for hands on demonstrations for school children.

After posting those pictures and getting a nice facebook comment I dug up a couple pictures I took last Summer at the Duckabush. I was struggling with extender tubes to get pictures of water skimmers (or water striders as they're referred to more often in other places). Nearly impossible. I was using a 50mm lens, with extender tubes which allows for nice macros, but as I mention in the Flickr comments, it is a particular challenge for moving targets. The depth of focus is very narrow, and the autofocus which is not very good on that lens gets much harder to work with.

While trying to get some pictures of the water skimmers, I stumbled across a really big one, and when I got the focus a bit better saw it was actually a spider. I'm hoping to find more of these spiders this year with the macro lens I've been enjoying so much.

This spider is also a lovely critter, and not so intimidating looking as the Giant House Spider, so I'll post them slightly larger here.

I haven't had a chance to take pictures for a few days, which gives me a chance to review old pictures for those I may have overlooked. And as I get practice adjusting exposure and color it becomes easier to get decent images out of those older shots.

Beauty In The Beast

2010-05-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

To avoid giving you to oogly wooglies (I think I made that up), I'll just post a thumbnail of the spider. I wrote up a bit about this critter on my flickr site which you can click through the image to see. One of the things I talked about was I've spent many hours editing the photo, to clean up the background. I'm not yet done to my satisfaction, at least not for the additional uses I may put the image to later.

These are pretty common. During that week or two when Fall is getting started I usually see one a year inside the house. You only have to discover one in your bath towel once in your lifetime to encourage you to check during the months around that short period they tend to come inside while they adapt to the weather change. Both my brother and I have experienced that, though thankfully in my case it was before I started drying off. In any case they are little creepy when they are life size, and with this macro shot it more than fills the monitor when zooming in for touch up. So, I only worked on the image for relatively short periods of time, so I wouldn't be visited in my dreams.

All that work editing the photo had a surprising result. I got past the nearly automatic revulsion and started seeing the beauty in this arachnid. Not something I expected. I think there is a lot of the little boy surviving in me, as I still think spiders a cool because they can scare the bejeesus out of me. Now I think they are lovely as well. (I'd like to get a good close up of one of the really little black and white jumping spiders which come out when the weather gets nicer.)

Spring

2010-04-30T16:26:00.000-07:00

This Spring is starting about pretty well. I finally admitted the rapidly escalating chronic pain in my back and leg was real, and physical therapy is making a difference. Level of pain down, blues not as much. Not a big surprise there.

I am really enjoying the most recent lens I acquired. I really should have made this one of my first lenses, given my enjoyment for macro type shooting. I did a bit with the extender tubes, but they require a lot of futzing around. When figuring out which tube(s) to use for the lens and distance, which is trial and error. I always seemed to make all the wrong guesses. Not only does this lens make close-ups a snap, it is a 100mm with a max aperture of f/2.8. That gives me a little telephoto ability in theaters as well.

Here's a half dozen I like from the last couple weeks. The first three in in my yard, the next are along the walk to the grocery store.

Yellow Jacket This is on the lattice on my neighbor's landscaping.

Maple Budding The same lattice.

English Daisy

Common Weed

Tree Blossoms I don't know what kind of tree this is.

Driveway Border These were pretty dense, but found a few isolated ones in front of the bit of old telephone pole or piling.

Urban Art

2010-04-27T14:02:00.000-07:00

A while back Micha at MotoInternational where I bought my Moto Guzzi and get my maintenance and repairs done had a great suggestion for some pictures. We were talking about taking shots of some reconditioned motorcycles and he mentioned there was a nearby school with nice murals which would make a great backdrop.

On Saturday I drove down to pick up a replacement nut for my shift lever, which had fallen off last Monday evening while I was riding to class. We chatted a bit, and I'd brought up the possibility of doing some shots sometime, and he told me the school was quite nearby so off I went.

They were really nice murals, done in 2001 with all the supplies and labor donated by the artist. I did a little searching, and I believe he was about twenty at the time, probably in the middle of his college career and has continued as an artist. I sent a quick note asking if he wants me to link to future photos I make of these murals.

I shot these in the later afternoon, and I think the morning light would have been much better, and some time when I wake early enough on a Saturday or Sunday I'll back for some better shots. This was originally the Woodrow Wilson Junior High School and is now the Indian Heritage School, and it appears the UW Experimental Education Unit also has a presence there.

Here's an example, one where I used HDR to bring out the image. Here's a link for all five of the images I posted.

2010-04-26T16:28:00.001-07:00

It's been quite a while since I journaled here. I kind of miss it. Let's see, I've been cast in The Taming of the Shrew as Baptista Minola, the father setting up the initial conflict. It's the first time I've been cast as a single character in Shakespeare, and while I enjoy the challenge of doing multiple characters I'm jazzed with the opportunity to do a more principal character.

I've continued to pursue photography, no big surprise there. I'm currently saving up for the Canon EOS 5D Mark II, applying loan repayments as the come in to my camera fund. I visited the folks again this year in Phoenix, and got some nice pictures, quite a few with a 100mm macro lens, which will also serve for shooting theatrical productions with it's f/2.8 aperture. Here's a couple favorites with that lens. (Both look nice in higher resolutions if you want to click through.)

Goin' South

2010-02-27T14:01:00.000-08:00

I hadn't really meant to drop off posting to once a month. This picture is one of a set I did for A Taste Of Honey, playing through March 6 at Eclectic Theater. It is still a bit edgy, and was likely frightening when it came out in the 50's.

I took pictures for this production, the same venue and director I worked with for MacBeth, as well as one of the actors. It was a very good production and I saw it once, then again with the camera. Two wishes for photographing productions. First, to shoot one with a little brighter lighting. It seemed dark when you were watching, which is common for fringe theaters which don't have the budget for the equipment and power. The other would be to come to a couple of the final rehearsals to get a feel for the production, so I could shoot one during a dress, while wandering the venue. Then for the preview to pick a seat (maybe moving from during intermission) for pictures with the added energy of an audience.

I decided to go to Arizona for a week in March. My folks just got a new place down there, trading the condo for a small house, and I figured things would be too discombobulated so I didn't bring up the subject. I'm looking forward to the warm, and they are having an unusual amount of rain -- even more than last year it sounds like -- so the desert should be spectacular. I got what was to me an insanely pricey lens for taking pictures in the theater, and now I'm thinking macro... Maybe I should just practice more with the extender tubes.

I've been doing yoga, and it seems to be helping my back though as I work to build strength there are some days where it feels pretty bad. Another month, and some desert heat. It should feel pretty good.

Weekend Hopping

2010-01-24T16:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I saw two three hour movies. Avalon in (fake) IMAX and 3d at the Lincoln Square Cinema in Bellevue with my brother and 2012 at the Crest in Shoreline. Avalon was a lot better than I expected, with a simple story line told in a way that had the appeal of Star Wars when it came out, pop philosophy included. Though being appropriate to the times the social commentary was a more evident. I quipped to my brother there will probably be a heavily marketed sequel with vomitous character like jar jar. Until then, enjoy. Seeing a good old fashioned disaster movie, albeit with updated special affects, in an old style theater was apropos. 2012 wasn't nearly the movie, but still very fun and engaging. Again the social commentary is a bit more pronounced than when I watched a lot of disaster flicks in the 70's. I'm not with the perception american citizens only purpose to our officials is to unportestingly support big corporations. Still, don't let that keep you from the movies, it's not like they are waving bloody shirts, rather it seems to be an assumption that corporate rule is an accepted part of the american psyche. It is simply used as a device to make the plot seem believable and current.

When I got home I stumbled across a couple youtube videos I got a kick out of. First I was looking for some Timbuk 3 songs, in particular Cheap Black & White. I did of course find The Future's So Bright, which made me feel quite stupid. It didn't register with me when the tune was a hit that it was about nuclear Armageddon. I ended up going from there to Pat MacDonald (the male half of Timbuk 3 items, and found this post using some old Burlesque footage from the 1930's.

From there to Oh Well by Fleetwood Mac, to another dance video. A less bluesy tune, I Love to Boogie by T Rex with a montage of film clips that really had me chuckling.

No Answers Here

2009-12-30T15:58:00.000-08:00

I had a strange dream Monday morning. Somehow my ex, whom I think of vary rarely and have never dreamed of showed up and we were together at our current age. Somehow I have an impression in that dream world we had been back together for about a year, and our old history was there but not the hurt we gifted each other. What I remember more clearly is we were having a conversation in which she was distracted, and I asked what was up.

"Do you love me?", she asked.

My immediate reply was "Yes."

She came back with something like "What about when you're not with me?"

I thought about that, knowing I didn't want to reply with anger and neither did I want to avoid the truth. My response was more inclusive, and left neither of us with anything to say, "I long for your touch."

Then I woke up feeling pretty shaken up. Strange. As I said, I rarely think of that sadly short-lived relationship. I don't recall my ex being in dreams before, even the first few years when I was still hurting and denying I had anything to get over.

It raised two questions the last few days. First, there's a little pondering about not having a committed relationship since then, and wondering if I should be looking for more than someone who listens in return if I ever take the leap. The second is wondering why I couldn't have a dream like the previous night. I was a Greek general during mythological times about to parlay in the enemy's camp where I was going to shame him into compromise through brilliant oratorical skills, which I only have in dream land.

Garden in Lentils

2009-10-05T14:55:00.000-07:00

I stumbled onto what I think is a very tasty soup. My tomatoes have been ripening at a sedate pace, and I've been eating them mostly straight off the plant. With the weather turning cool, a whole bunch ripened at once, and I had a good deal of Early Girls and Sun Golds in the fridge. Something different...

I haven't had lentils in a while, so I cooked up two pounds (after a quick soak of a few hours), with oregano (a tablespoon or more) and rosemary (about half the oregano amount). I wanted something else with a warmer taste to counter the tomatoes and acorn squash I planned to add. Surprising to me, tarragon had a smell which seemed suited, and I added a modest amount. When the lentils were just about soft enough it was starting to smell pretty good for a lentil soup with nothing else but the herbs. I had about two quarts of Early Girls cut into eighths and halved Sun Golds. The Sun Golds were a third to a quarter of the total, so without the sweet cherry tomatoes you'd want to add a little honey or sugar to get some sweetness. I dumped in the tomatoes, some salt, and two halved acorn squash and brought it to a boil. Day was running out so I refrigerated until I could finish cooking.

I thought the cooked acorn squash would be easy to peel. No such luck. Next time I peel them ahead of time. Once the squash was mashed up and returned to the soup I simmered until the tomatoes broke down to the point I wanted them. I don't think I've ever had enough home grown tomatoes that I cooked them before. The aroma as they cooked with the herb combination was heavenly. I'll try this again with store bought tomatoes, but I don't think it will be nearly as good as those plucked when they're fully ripe.

Note: Don't add the acidic tomatoes or salt until the lentils are nearly soft enough, as salt and acid nearly stop the softening process.

The Scottish Play

2009-09-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

I'm finally working on a show again. The above picture was taken in a rush. I wandered by the door towards the end of a rehearsal break and dashed off a quick shot with the camera set up for a low light indoor shots.

My goal for this show is to push myself into uncomfortable territory, especially for the Porter scene. The drink/lechery part of the scene is cut, but the Porter of Hell-gate bit is kept which is a bigger and funner challenge. I worry that people will really resent the cut, but I may be biased since it was a significant portion of my text.

The first of two things I remember most about Peter Brooks Hamlet is that "Neither a lender nor a borrower be..." was cut. Second, there was no intermission because he (according to the promos) didn't believe the actors and audience had the wherewithal to maintain the world of the play with an intermission -- a hubris laden and inexcusable disservice to his cast and audience if true. Nearly everyone I talked to didn't remember much of the last act and a half because they were trying to quietly fidget hoping to reduce the building pain and discomfort from two hours in crappy folding chairs. Those were the two most talked of points of the play for the people I talked to. The drink/lechery scene isn't as ubiquitous in people's minds as Polonius' lecture, but getting fans of the play to forgive the omission will still be an added challenge for me.

What About the Honorable Employees?

2009-08-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm sick to death of hearing CIA operatives will be demoralized if crimes are addressed.

What about the morale of the moral?

I'm making the assumption the vast majority of people in the CIA are ethical human beings who don't believe they are above the law. I've worked numerous places where a few of those arrogant dishonest vicious people thrived, which poisoned the atmosphere and morale for the whole organization and all the honorable employees.

Two PlusTwo Equals More (Of The Same)

2009-07-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

Let me see if I understand. The republicans acknowledge they have no plan for health care reform. Only a rabid desire to stop any attempt right now. Oh, if they win in 2010 they'll give us something their corporate sponsors have written. Isn't that called blackmail when their constituents use the same tactic?

If I end up in Gitmo for putting these two things together in an obvious way we'll know there are still enough bush appointees in DOJ to get things done. I'm not worried, they didn't really get anything productive done when they were in power.

Not So Original

2009-07-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about writing some short stories or essays to go with some of the photos or images I've created. Recently there is a particular stylized version of the Avro Anson which I've not posted to Flickr which is spurring me. I've posted a number of versions of the same photo, and this one though it is evocative for me I don't think it would be for anyone else. I even have a short story in mind for it, and thought of putting it up on my other blog. I've not put any writings up there for a long time, because converting script formats to html was a royal pain, though I can't imagine that is still the case. Anyway, I thought it would be a fun thing to do.

It turns out a friend from Meisner has done just that. Funny, even after five years I still think of all my old classmates as friends. I sometimes wonder if that is presumptuous. After all, most I've only seen a few times, and some not even once since we finished. Oh well, deal with it.

I really like what Jim has done and don't think I'll approach it. Still, it motivates me.

Rolling Heads

2009-07-18T13:02:00.000-07:00

I saw this headline,
Palin promises to keep on tweeting, and thought wouldn't that be "threatens" be more truthful?

Proof Positive

2009-06-20T11:58:00.000-07:00

Another politician in an infidelity, from the 'family values' sect, or rather party. Big deal. Why did he own up rather than spouting obvious denials and attacking the victim like a good republican? Maybe some shred of decency buried out of plain view, or because the facts were about to come out in a big way? And, who cares? Of course, with Fox shouting a denial so loud we now know they gave the senator warning.

Kind of funny. It wasn't a thought process. I saw the headline and automatically knew it to be a blatant falsehood. Simply because I've followed their claims in the past, and this is totally consistent with their other lies, and in no way resembles statements they make which are truthful. (Anyone notice the wsj is beginning to sound like a few wheels have come off their wagon too?)

Speaking of MSM, I heard a discussion on NPR about the GLBT community beginning to come out in China. They talked of fighting aids and how msm's are becoming an accepted part of the prevention dialog. Huh? Then I heard them say it stood for "Men who have Sex with Men." We've known for ages there is not really a liberal media in this country. Maher summed it up nicely saying we have a center right party and a crazy party. I'd say the media is similar, except I'd describe it is being far right, with fox representing the batshit violent crazy ass fringe. Kind of puts a wry twist on the GOP being in bed with MSM.

I Did It Again

2009-06-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

The right whines. Always, even when they were in charge of the house (not anymore), the white house (not anymore), and the media (still being run by cons for the rich by the rich, and they are still denying that truth). They bitch about political correctness when they are called on their flat out lies, racial slurs or other hate speech, including when they repeatedly incite violence. When their inciting gets people killed or discriminated against they go through an unfunny version of the Monty Python "Wink, wink, nudge, nudge..." routine for their base, while trying to deny they could have influenced their base into doing what they vehemently suggested by shouting from the rooftops.

Palin is providing a small case study. She repeatedly lied about opponents in the election, and simply repeated the lies more often when the facts came out, trying to surmount them. Now she pretends she misunderstood Letterman, a lie in action and words. I know the right tries to mock intelligence, but who is actually dense enough to think Letterman wasn't referring to Bristol? What daughter was already knocked up by a jock (under her parent's roof, implying they blessed the sleepovers)? Which daughter is now an adult public figure open to tasteless barbs, and promoting abstinence she couldn't be bothered with? Who even remembered the younger daughter before the witless Sarah intentionally put her in the spotlight in a slimy way in a bizarre battle of wits?

Sarah, decent people consider it vilely abusive to use their children in this disingenuous manner. Now, wouldn't it be something if Bristol skipped attending the game with the fam for a little action with the steroid king? Of course that didn't happen, we're not blessed with instant karma.

*******************************************

Here's another shot from Goldstream Provincial Park, and a couple processed versions. This was a 3.2 second exposure, and I had to clean up a couple spots. Not sure where they are coming from, somewhere on/in the telephoto lens. It was taking these shots, that I finally figured I needed to turn off the Image Stabilization when using the tripod, particularly in low light. It is great for reducing blur in normal hand held shots, but not for tripod work.

This processing reminds me vaguely of the Asian paintings/drawings of stormy seas. I think I like it better in lower resolutions.

I thought this processing was cool. It feels like a cool day, and to my taste it is also cool in a neat way.

Meandering

2009-05-29T16:01:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about "heroic measures" in the medical sense. The survival rate for heart attacks are at a level which not long ago would have been unimagined. I probably got on this line of thought because tragedies still happen. I stumbled across the news that two months ago today Andy Hallett died of congestive heart failure. He was the host, Lorne, in Angel which I have been watching. Damn, he was young.

Then I thought of Darth Cheney. Here's a greedy (mr. Halliburton), cowardly (mr. multiple-draft-deferments), vicious (mr. torture), and amoral (duh!) creature. The doctors who helped this thing survive, do they look back and see anything heroic? Is this perhaps an even worse tragedy than the talented actor to did not survive?
ps - I love the gop operative (who was Colin Powell's chief of staff) that described Darth Cheney as "lonely, paranoid, frightened Dick Cheney."

Here's the picture BD mentioned, "Aaron's Old Man," followed by another which more clearly shows why they call it the "Old Man."

Here's the bus in which a year and a half ago I wrote my first full length play. (Still needs workshopping...). And six months ago where it was just too cold. With the small wood stove and damp firewood it doesn't warm up once the temp is below 15 F. At least not after a couple hours...

This is about a hundred feet down from the bus.

Coming Back From Going Back

2009-05-28T16:54:00.000-07:00

It amazes me to hear the right whine about anyone's sharp tongue, especially after they brown-nosed and bent over at every opportunity for arrogant (and inefficient) bullies like Rummy and Bolton. I guess a sharp tongued non-white male candidate for the court is judged by different criteria. Why do the biggest bullies bawl the most about being bullied?

I spent last week in Canada. This time I came back from vacation feeling really refreshed. December I came back chilled (NOT chilled out), early April I came back decompressed, and this time I just feel good. Spring gets some of the credit. I'm slowly getting my pictures up on Flickr, and finding that I'm getting more shots I like than in the past. Is it possible that I'm learning?

Here's a picture of a C-47 (DC-3), which I took at the British Columbia Aviation Museum.

The same picture with the colors shifted to a nostalgic tint reminiscent of my aviator's sunglasses. That and the picture itself reminded me of my old and all but forgotten career in Naval Aviation. I go back and forth on which version I like better.

Here's my favorite of several moving water pictures.

Nothing On the Right

2009-04-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

As you may have already guessed, I like this tree and how it frames the Space Needle. It is next to McCaw Hall. I've taken pictures three different Saturday mornings, and probably will one more time with different lenses. I'm still working on technique mostly, but I get a few images I really like. This is one, and a cropped version of the post-processed image. I think it looks better full size if you want to follow the links. Bellevue has a lot of glass high rises. Most are not terribly attractive in my mind, but it does let in daylight. I may not post any of them, but I want to get some pictures of reflections on the sides of buildings.

START RANT:
I don't have patience. Not a whit. The last 28 years of uninterrupted republican rule have brought our nation to the brink of destruction, and it was done with amazing speed, so we need to retreat just as fast. Yet, it seems we are too blinded and fractured by single issue lunatics and other noise to see we're on the edge. Denial is so easy until... To carry the metaphor further, we are on a hogback ridge and we can easily tumble into obscurity with missteps in most any direction. I'm saying at least two very harsh things implicitly.

First, I lumped Clinton in with republican rule. Partly because I was in the service when he made the situation even worse for my friends with his DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell) policy. It is the cowardly kind of passive aggressive approach to supporting, encouraging, and nurturing discrimination I'd expect from the right who don't seem to believe there is any possibility for personal happiness without standing atop of people they delightedly hold in misery. From my viewpoint, he was so far past moderate he became a gop enabler. (And even that wasn't enough for the right, who attacked him incessantly because giving them their way over half the time wasn't sufficient.)

Second, I laid the blame for the descent of our nation at the feet of the republicans. I've made a lot of quips based on observation. Like, "Democrats hold truth as a core value, and one they often fail to meet. Republicans aren't saddled with this burden, as they view truth as an occasional and quaint tactic." "If you want to know what evil deeds conservatives are up to, simply listen to what they accuse others of doing."

My biggest problem with republicans is not that they are sold out to the highest bidder, as that is a widespread non-partisan failing. Now, Democrats at least make a token effort to represent the wishes (good or bad) of their constituency. Republicans first and last allegiance is to the party itself, which serves the very worst of corporate america, and nearly always vote as a block per their master's bidding. They'll use anti-abortion harpies, haters of civil liberty, the christian right fringe (the ones with less tolerance than the taliban), etc. to break up anything which has even the potential of helping average productive people. You see, simply being wealthy is not enough. The less wealth others have, the more power they can wield with their wealth. GOP = Greedy Old Plutocrats.

So, after 28 years of nearly unchecked plutocracy we've approached the authoritarian corporate/government rule over the populace of which Mussolini dreamt. The last eight years have been a race to the finish line. We're nearly there, and we've merly slowed the momentum at this point. Now, we need a head long dash back towards real democracy and fairness for all. The golden showers of Reagan's tinkle on economics never happened, because it relies on the good will and intentions of those whose ethics enable them to horde wealth which rightfully belongs to thousands or even millions of other people.

Let's see if we can't lift up the disadvantaged for just a little while, instead of letting the over advantaged walk all over us. You know, a political system where the government is run by the people rather than the inverse. Where corporations make us stronger, rather than becoming too big to fail and outsourcing their failures along with our wealth and security. Where they pay their fair share of taxes rather than having conservatives siphoning off most the tax dollars we paid for undelivered infrastructure and services.
:END RANT

Taking It Out On Art

2009-04-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

My fury at the discussions we're having over torture have a root. Beyond the conviction that arguing it might be kind of effective is an act of profound cowardice. Rather, it is a deep feeling of impending betrayal from the country I served for a decade. We surrendered our liberties and ethics so quickly under Bush/Cheney I'm perhaps too cynical when it comes to having faith we will again find our way into honor. If the fear and hate mongers win on this what is the next step? Correcting emancipation?

To get my focus off those thoughts I turn to art, and at times it is just a way of expressing my concerns to move focus outward. This picture is of a different, less directly hurtful form of societal hubris. It still conveys the arrogant disregard of surroundings which gets to me. It is titled Civilization Comes To Spring.

Right now most of the images are just things I find interesting or beautiful. The buds on the lilac in my yard have become twigs with leaflets and flower buds. This is a different rendition which was intended as an intermediate step. I liked it enough that I kept a copy.

I'm going to try to move away from posting multiple versions of the same photo, though I'll keep posting mulitples to flickr for a while longer. As I play around more with taking shots and processing them I'll start posting my favorite result, rather the bloggy approach I've been taking.

Cruiser

2009-04-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'm still working on getting my pictures quickly composed and shot, and taking varying exposures with regards to aperture/time, and only occasionally tweaking ISO. I need to get a better understanding of that and exposure length to decrease/increase the degree of washout.

Here's another shot of the Chevy. It took me a while to figure it out, but Dave and Jerry identified it as a late 60's Impala, and with some googling I figure it to be a 1967 Impala. I remember the models about six years later which were huge old boats. It's amazing how much time is eaten up in post-processing. I was low on memory, and just maxed my motherboard, upgrading from .5 to 3.0 gb. (That's more memory than my first four machines had in total -- on their freaking hard drives.) That sped up the editing several fold.

Tweaked the sky, the car, the painted surface of the car, the rest of the background with slightly different effects to bring out the details, before blurring and other effects were applied, and layers blended and merged in different ways and orders to get the following two versions. Here's the original.

As I was stepping through blending options this caught me. It has the look cars had in our mind's eye back in the mid 70's when I did a bit of cruising and racing around in a beat up '67 firebird with an overpowered high performance big block.

This is more of an effect to bring out some details and stylizing for an antique car. Some similar affects, but more nostalgic. Rather than trying to evoke the coolness of the cars as we lived for them and defined ourselves with, a purty rose-colored rendition. With the car colors given a bit of a cool feel.

Sprang

2009-04-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

I have been in the dumps all weekend. It doesn't make sense. I've actually been moderately productive around the house, saw friends Friday and Saturday, did stage combat practice and class, did photographic art, and the weather has been beautiful. Yet, my system didn't respond the way it normally does with that kind of weekend. There's some nasty aches and pains but they are old acquaintances and don't affect me like this. Then while I was getting into the car to go to class tonight I noticed the car had quite a layer of pollen. I groused, and found that I'm not the only one that allergies can put into a foul temper.

The art went well, I think. I surprised myself, and got a new lens for the camera, as the Kit's a few blocks from my office was having a clearance sale. I liked the people there, and it's a shame because the other one where I'll probably have some printing done come across as arrogant -- not like any other camera shop I've been to. We need good printing on the east side.

Here are four pictures with post-processing. I think all of them look nicer in higher resolution. If you want to check, click on one of the pictures, then the "All sizes" link just above the picture.

This one is growing on me. I thought the colors were a bit glaring at first, but now I really like it. This might be nifty on metallic paper.

This is an old car that I thought looked nice. I tried an Orton-like effect. It wasn't a good day for that color of car, I think twilight, or a background with more contrast would work better. Still, it came out better than I expected for a first try. I don't think it is a Chevy, so I'll probably have to rename it next time I see it and check.

Another one that is misnamed -- I think the oaks are on the other side of the street. Again, I Ortonized it a bit, then applied an artistic filter (watercolor), which came out very nice.

I saw this dead leaf as I was walking to the store, and quickly brushed some of the dirt and fir needles off, set it on the concrete block used as a retaining wall, and took a picture or two. Again I used an Orton type technique and some additional layers. As I was playing with the blending for the last layer, this one caught me. It is one of my favorites so far.

Bartok Chili

2009-04-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

I finally found some dried red kidney beans at PCC. Canned ones are easy to find, but just not the same. Learning to not add salt or acidic items until the beans are soft enough not only reduces the cook time, but makes them much better. I had some chicken breasts and chicken sausages I needed to use up last weekend, so I did. It actually worked quite well, except the sausage weren't an Italian types, and didn't really go with the chili. Kind of an atonal note to the flavor. Not bad, but an unexpected palette cleaning. I actually kind of liked the surprising counterpoint. I'm like that with modern classical music. I can't tell you why I like the atonals in a particular piece, and not in another. I just do.

The skunk cabbages I took pictures of yesterday, while lovely to behold aren't so nice to smell. Another atonal or discordant situation. Some critters like the smell, as it is designed to attract them for pollination. I looked them up in wikipedia and found they can be used a food item. If things ever got that bad, I wonder how much competition there would be.

I played with the colors to intensify the image before applying the artistic filters. I really liked the first effect I tried and worked with that. In ascending order of my perception of the urgency the colors imparted, here are the three I uploaded to flickr. I haven't yet decided which version I like more. If anyone is out there I'd appreciate your thoughts, even if it is "Why is Scott wasting my time with noxious flora?"

This one is a black and white version, which has a ghostly quality for me.

This is a hint of another edit which is in progress, maintaining photo quality, but turning the flower red. Blending the edges is pretty tedious (I need to find a better way than smudge/blur/smudge/blur/...), and I'm only about a third of the way done with that -- I'll post it here if it comes out decent. This is less of the blood red used in that version, rather a primary red version of the black and white.

This is how the image looked before converting to the monochrome versions. I titled it Skunk Cabbage Bar Art as it has a bit of the black velvet look. Sans the ubiquitous presence of The King or canine card sharks.

Stopping to Smell the Stinkies

2009-04-16T11:47:00.000-07:00

Quick political rant... The governor of Texas is fomenting his lunatic fringe crowds with insincere cries for succession. Too bad it's insincere. LBJ escalated us into a pointless war, sacrificing our military folks to the delight of war profiteers. Dumbya got us into a pointless war, sacrificing our military folks to the delight of war profiteers. Thus, I've joked about wanting to give Texas back to Mexico for several years.

I made two photo stops in the last two days. Tuesday after my chiropractor visit I drove by Lake Sammamish State Park and was struck by the sunset reflecting off the lake. I didn't have my good camera with me, so I used the old Nikon (Coolpix 950), which I now call my car camera. It takes decent pictures, but I can't seem to get it to stay in raw mode so I didn't capture enough information to do the kind of post processing I'd hoped. Of course it takes a long, long time to write the larger raw files to the memory card so I got to take more pictures in the fading light.

There are several ducks in the foreground, and in the water right in front of them is an otter, which looks more like a small log. It turns out there were two of them floating around, and without the raw format I didn't capture enough information to bring out any details. I had both of them in frame from a different angle, when a couple geese flew by. Totally blurred, but worth noticing. Stopping to take those pictures took me out of the normal routine of driving home. So, I was disappointed with the picture quality. Big deal, it was a beautiful time and place to be for ten minutes.

One nice side affect to adjusting the image exposure/color levels so that it more closely matched the human perception, all the homes crowded around the lake vanished (though I can't remember now if they were visible in the original).

On the way to work today I was driving by a marshy area with skunk cabbage which have been catching my eye for the last week. They have that nice primary yellow, which brighten up even the grayest day, though they aren't so pleasant to the nose. Like when I stopped at the lake, I had to talk myself into making the pause. Good thing too, as it certainly put me in a better mood at the office. Like I droned yesterday, photography seems to tie in with theatre work. I notice what is around me more, which is an important skill for preparing or trying to figure out how to prepare for a role. I was going to say "taking the time to notice..." but it doesn't take any time. Just attention.

Art does seem to have a tendency to nurture itself in wonderful and synergistic ways. Learning to let that work, rather than wanting to force everything to a conclusion is my challenge.

Working Terms

2009-04-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

I've not worked on a show for a while. Partly because of the executive driven determined dive into dysfunctionality at work. I'd not felt I had the freedom to take on projects, but as I look at it honestly, I think it is mostly an excuse to support the blues. Recently I've started each morning with an effort to find something interesting and fun about going to work. It's been difficult in both remembering and execution but has been paying off. I found I just have to accept we are now working for the enrichment of elite executives, and figure out how I can best serve customers internal and external in spite of the avarice driven initiatives which impede nearly every effort to get work done.

My assessment of the leadership is a bit harsh The continued claims we are the work/life balanced and customer focused organization we were a couple years ago, has the same ring of veracity as GM claiming they build quality products. GM is still trying to live on a reputation they had in the sixties, which the MBA's have been sucking profit from for 40 years with no continued commitment to quality outside of ad campaigns. (Without a major bankruptcy type re-org I'll never buy another GM. I was screwed on three cars in a row.) Strangely, accepting this is not the ethical, and quality of product and life driven company I started at is a positive step. There are still lots of good people here, and I still get to work with (and for) them.

I was thinking about all this again this morning as I got ready for work. It occurred to me the photography I've been playing with for a needed artistic release may also help my next theatre project a bit. While doing character work, what if I take pictures from my character's perspective? That has potential for me, and as a bonus it could leave me with some photos I could use for prep work.

Now, here are a couple of photots I processed in the last week, which came from my Arizona vacation the first week of March. This one just has the hue and shading adjusted for the flower, which was actually yellow, and jumped out from the background in the same way.

For this one I played with multiple partially transparent layers to achieve results similar to what I've seen for some Photoshop add-ons. It came out more appealing (to me anyway) than I expected. I think this type of processing probably works best on photos that aren't too busy.

Reminiscing

2009-04-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

While I was walking to a rehearsal space at Seattle Center on Saturday morning the view of the space needle in the morning haze caught my eye. I took a quick shot and was on my way again. I'm not enjoying stage combat like I expected. There is a young woman in the class who seems to detest me for some reason -- maybe we've met before and I forgot? That is not the reason. It has more to do with having the blues, and still being in constant pain from breaking my leg four years ago. That worries me. However, the rich and interesting dreams I had last night gave me the feeling of rounding a corner. I hope so. Today does feel brighter from the inside than it has for months. Stopping to take that picture helped.

I wasn't happy with the clarity of this shot. I hope when I go to practice this Saturday I have a similar situation. There probably won't be the nice haze, but the morning light... I like the unprocessed shot I took a lot better in black and white (it's on flickr, after I deleted the color shot I decided to add the b&w and some processed versions) The has the feel of the black and white pictures I took with an old 120 box camera when the Space Needle was brand new, and I was too.

This is one of my post-processing attempts. I used some Photoshop tools which didn't appeal to me with other shots I've played with. I step through a lot of things to find combinations and effects I like, and I tried the ones I liked before first, but they didn't work for me here. This also has a bit of a 60's feel to me. Lately I've been remembering when the Space Needle and Seattle Center were shiny and new. Maybe that is why this type of rendering appealed to me.

Now for a short political screed. 'Screed' and 'short' are contradictory, but so am I. Back in October I posited that the prosecution against Stevens was intentionally incompetent and compromised, so Stevens could avoid a conviction. Then, despite their worst efforts, Stevens apparently convicted himself by proving to the jury he truly believed he was beyond the law, while loudly blaming his wife and co-conspirators for any moral lapses. So, despite the petulance by which Stevens basically convicted himself, it looks like the plan is finally going to work, though probably too late to allow the aged crook to sneak back into office. Instead, the drones who made errors too blatant and stupid for anyone to believe they could be unintentional are getting some unwanted scrutiny. It's a shame the elitist old crook is escaping what should have been a rock solid conviction, but some of the dubya toadies who abrogated the legitimacy of the DOJ may pay a small price for their actions. Now, the thought occurs, what if these guys weren't the neo-con toadies I assumed? Rather, they'd just be an example of the type of people dubya didn't fire for ideological reasons. I'm not sure which possibility is the worst.

2009-04-03T17:22:00.001-07:00

First, so you don't think I'm going soft, a political barb. Have you noticed the change in the neoconservative bullies? From media bobble heads like Beck to K Street tools like Boehner, to the repetitive violent non-compromising pro-multinational corporate talking point recitations they've added bouts of crying. Just like the schoolyard bully who fails to get what he wants through beatings and intimidation, they are resorting to calculated weeping.

If the mouthpieces for the wealthy 'conservatives' can't effectively demonize minorities (by race, gender identity, religion, etc) to distract us from the depredations of their ceo's, they can pretend to weep for the decline to their brand of tyrannical patriotism. They claim to be so worried about government intruding into corporate affairs, so they have opened the door to special interests while shutting out the taxpayers. YES, I do want government to govern the unbridled greed of the conservative's handlers. And I also want the robber barons out of my government.

I reviewed all the pictures I took in Arizona. I was going to say quickly reviewed, but that would be misleading. It took over an hour, as I was reviewing a dvd with several gigabytes of photos -- as each picture is 2-7mb they don't load especially fast on a laptop dvd drive. I found some more shots which caught my eye, some sans processing I posted in a new set. There were a lot of experimental sunset pictures, and my near favorite composition is here. Only the one shot. Too bad, as in higher resolutions the fuzzy focus becomes apparent. I'll have to visit again and hope for a similar sunset.

Here's a cholla I like. It is near one I took a lot of shots of, failing to catch the streaked sky and highlighted cholla. I loaded those to a set with my first post-processing attempts to get both sky and cholla to show. This picture was a nice find, not composed quite the same, but I like seeing the sky and cholla contrast in an unprocessed shot. There is also a staghorn or candelabra type cactus on the left which adds something for me.

In the set with these pictures there is also one I titled "0527 Gonna Get Ya'", which is reminiscent of sci-critters for The Abyss or the more menacing Alien. Personally, it connected more with Cleopatra from the old tv series, The Addams Family.

Lilac's In The Air

2009-04-01T15:29:00.001-07:00

Yesterday morning I took a few more pictures of the lilac in my front yard. It was a typically Northwest early Spring day. Gray, drizzly, and cold. I used a different lens (50mm instead of the 17-40mm). I couldn't get the exposure I wanted, as the fill flash made the twig and buds (I think that sounds funny) too intense, and a regular exposure left them too dark, even playing with the exposure. Eventually, but by then the lens would have gotten wet.

So, I experimented with the selection ability of Photoshop using the magic wand and polygon to select just the lilac plant, so I could turn up the color and brightness there, while dimming the background. Then some time cleaning up the edges with the smudge tool. Not perfect, but I'm pleased with my first try. There are a number of other pictures from my trip I want to do this kind of processing with. This was a non-flash picture. Tonight I'll play with the one of the exposures using a fill flash, if I got one in decent focus (the auto-focus is out on the 50mm - I think it was dropped from a short height).

Finding Surprises

2009-03-30T16:48:00.001-07:00

The old saga... Twenty five years ago today I was returning to basic training from the hospital. During the infamous "rifle run" I got heat stroke, not the only one in the class thanks to a sinus infection epidemic, but the worst. I thought the problem was my ankle, but nobody seemed to notice until the fourth or fifth IV bag emptied, and my ankle finally started swelling. After complaining about the ankle for hours I was something less than my normal patient self when one of the nurses or orderlies asked, "Did you know there is also something going on with your ankle?"

It was the first and less serious ankle injury. At the time the heat stroke was the bigger concern, and I at least had the chance to scare the drill instructors as bad as ever they did me. Six weeks later I rejoined another class, and three weeks after than I sprained it again, and by the time I rejoined another class after another 15 weeks nearly everybody I'd started with that time had graduated.

This Spring has been a bit less life changing, but I've renewed my interest in photography. I really loved it in high school and drifted away for budgetary reasons and more for the dysfunctional bias I had that art was not a serious pursuit. Digital photography has now matured to the point where good quality gear for nice images is within my range. I have a Flickr account, which I've divided into two collections. The first is Friends and Family for vacations, gatherings and such.

The other collection is Projects which has my aritistic work. Right now I'm trying out things with Photoshop and eventually will be upgrading to a new version and some addons, so most of the items here are things on which I'm experimenting with post-processing. There will be more I hope, including images which are untouched except for cropping, in topic or essay groupings. Here is an example of one of the images using several of the post processing options.

This is not my favorite from this set, however it is as this resolution. My favorite is this black and white version.

I'd appreciate comments/suggestions here or on the Flickr site. If, like I fear, you tell me to give it up, I'll ignore you.

Anniversary

2009-03-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

Twenty Five years ago today I started basic training, at 5am in Pensacola, Florida. Back then navy flyers had a separate commissioning program, with the distinction of being the only pipeline with Marine drill instructors. I'll let you guess how those lovable grunts liked to nurture officers, Naval officers.

I was active duty for nine and a half years, and it generally seems either like it was several lifetimes ago, or just yesterday that I awoke to the first day of my military career in Pensacola.

As I celebrate this anniversary (which I nearly forgot!), please take a moment to send your thoughts to the men and women in uniform right now. I get angry then all teary everytime I think of the under-appreciated sacrifices they have made the last eight years.

Tell Me It Ain't So

2009-03-15T15:21:00.001-07:00

Why is Cheney stepping up his criticism of the current administration and of his own administration at this moment? He's got no credibility with the majority of the country, and the media loves it when politicians politically self destruct in front of cameras and mikes. It's as if he desperately wants the spotlight on himself right now.

So, why play the crazy man on the airwaves and web right now, just when a few of his egregious crimes are coming to light? I think that question may answer itself. He will try to stir up his base by claiming his crimes are actually laudable and this is simply a witch hunt because of his criticism of the current and previous administrations. Tell me this is a silly thought if he is meaningfully held accountable for his (treasonous) crimes, and doesn't play the persecution card.

I do love the irony that he is chewing off his 'dubya' foot over Libby. He obviously doesn't really give a tinker's dam for Scooter, he's just setting himself up to assume the typical republican victim role. Did he miss the memo from Stevens and Craig, that the world isn't buying it right now?

In the Saddle Again

2009-03-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

Well, this week I was back at work. Sadly, finding space in the parking garage is easier. On Thursday (2/26) when I was on the way to the airport I was called by a vp to tell me about the re-org and of some of the people I'd not see again. My company has been laying people off without notice, sneaking them out the service entrance, not even allowing them the say farewell to old workplace friends. There are quite a few to whom I'd like to have offered a referral. The vacation was wonderful, though that phone call kept the stress level pretty high. First time I lost weight on a vacation.

On most of the ten days I was there we went for hikes in the desert, and I finally feel warm from my fingers to my toes. First time since I got chilled in December. I was spending a lot of time snapping pictures, working on getting the shots quickly and I got quite a few I liked. I really like saguaro cacti, and here's one them.

This was our second hike, several miles on South Mountain, which has the claim of being the biggest city park in the country. Here is the same picture, a black and white version of the red channel. I like both versions.

PussiesAreU.s.

2009-02-05T17:21:00.001-08:00

After assassination is used against us, the assassin is generally swept up with the rubble from the explosion, and labelled a terrorist. I have no problem with that.

However, when we use assassination against our foes, the assassin who is thousands of miles away sets down the Predator joystick and hopes the commute home isn't too bad. He's labelled a civil servant.

There is of course the obvious ethical issue of fighting wars with no more risk than a video game on our side. I think it may only be an ethical dilemma if you're the one who has faceless bureaucrats blowing people away long-distance. I think we are disconnected from the rest of the world on this creepy issue.

Until we can see and acknowledge the similarities between the assassins we employ and those we oppose we will never be able to face the hard facts of reality which the rest of the globe deals with.

It takes a little courage to be honest with ourselves, and we need to find and harness that tiny bit. We've shown great courage in generations past. It will disappoint the avaricious, but we may need to stop killing indiscriminately in support of the exxons and halliburtons in order to stop motivating the much smaller attacks on us.

I'm So Not Surprised

2009-02-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

So what happens when a democrat screws up their taxes? They own up and withdraw job applications per the wishes of the party leadership.

What happens when a republican knowingly fails to pay taxes, and misrepresents his career? The party leadership asks Joe the Plumber what they should do to regain their reputation and relevance.

Sound Bites in The Mo(u)rning

2009-01-06T17:56:00.001-08:00

When my tv came on this morning CBS was going on about the death of Jett Travolta. I didn't catch the name at first and was appalled as they talked to a doctor about what an autopsy might reveal. Questions could be designed to inform, especially people with children who might be concerned (my nephew has had a few siezures recently).

So, what did this inane woman ask the doctor? She asked if the family had found him earlier and acted sooner would the young man have survived? That's right, a question which only serves to insinuate guilt, to further traumatize the survivors. I heard a little more, and it turns out they were justified in this gratuitous and vicious attack. After all, Travolta is a Scientologist.

I may think Scientology is a bizarre religion, but really no more bizarre than any mainstream religion, all of whom should show more caution in ridiculing the bits others take on faith. Would CBS have been vicious in this manner had the parents been Catholic? Now there is a truly bizarre and dangerous faith more interested in their institutional worldly power and wealth than anything else. Their actions supporting and investing in things such as the Third Reich and Apartheid, protecting pedophile clergy speak much louder than their carefully (and quietly) worded and incredibly belated disapprovals.

Then they brought on Ann Coulter to push her latest publication. I am not embarrassed by the woman. To me she lacks what most would call a soul, as she continually demonstrates by her complete estrangement with compassion and other signs of humanity. She should be pitied more than reviled. Rather, I'm embarrassed by an america which buys enough of her filth over the air and in writing to even cover bus fare.

One of her big whines is that liberals complain about being victims when they are really the bullies. I've claimed for years that the best way to know what conservatives are up to is to listen to what they accuse others of. This one was so blatant that maybe even other whackadoodles think it is ridiculous. What am I saying? Of course they won't. That embracing and perpetuation of self-serving delusions is what embarrasses me.

Thoughts

2008-12-31T15:38:00.000-08:00

Warm Cockles
It's cold and dark and gray outside,
A perfect day for the fireside
So cold and dark on the inside
Can be banished to the curbside.

Send the yearning warmth in the heart
Coursing to every wanting part
Never too soon or late to start,
Warming the soul is always smart.

Yeah Yeah
I'll mash his face to a pulp
I'll stomp his toes 'til they're blue
I'll steal his food, every gulp
Aren't you happy, he's not you?

Runaway Getaway

2008-12-26T11:56:00.000-08:00

My Winter vacation didn't work out as nice as last year. I wasn't able to take the entire two weeks, so lost three or four days off the front. Then the cold snap was a bit much. Very little writing was done, just a little bad poetry and finishing the solo performance piece so that I have written down what I actually did. I assume the poetry is bad because I have very little experience, and meter does not yet get much attention. I'm still striving for syllables and rhymes.

I expected the second full week would give me time in the converted school bus to get in some uninterrupted writing time. Wrong. My trip from Duncan (on Vancouver Island) to Denman Island (a Gulf Island a mile off of Vancouver Island) was delayed a day until Monday the 15th because of 14 inches of new snow. It was dark by the time I arrived, and -7C (19 degrees F). Good exercise -- it is between and third and half mile walk to the bus, through about a foot of snow, ironically it was deeper on the trail thanks to drifting and the break in the canopy. The hoar frost was stunning in the moonlit fields. One of my poems is about that image.

The trip to the bus was pleasant, then it took a lot of work to start the fire. The wood was damp, and the fire start cubes helped. Finally I got a blaze going, and with two pairs of sleeping bags, one inside the other, and a couple layers of clothes I went to bed. I expected I'd wake up really toasty and have to shed some clothing. Instead, I started shivering about an hour later. The damp wood fire just wasn't enough to bring up the temp. I finally admitted defeat and trekked back to the house.

The next day I hiked down to the bus every two or three hours with dry firewood, and it was a bit warmer so I had a comfy night and morning. Then it started snowing heavily, dumping at least another 14 inches by Wednesday evening. And cold again, then even colder. Just a little more of a snow challenge than I would have enjoyed. Instead of a writing retreat, I felt like a nuisance (though I wasn't treated as such). I was really looking for more solo time to write and decompress. Didn't really do either very well. Still I was out of the office for a while and that helps.

The snow wasn't going anywhere, and every day it seemed we got a few more inches to make up for any settling or sublimation, keeping the total at more than two feet. The challenge became getting my car out. The first 3/4 mile was their unplowed driveway and start of the public dirt road. We ended up hiring a backhoe to get me to the plowed portion of the provincial dirt road -- only $60 Canadian, which I didn't mind a bit covering. Then it was 200 miles last Saturday, mostly on packed snow and ice. Made for a long day.

I of course left my chains at home, but they came in handy on Tuesday, so I was able to come into the office. I found I don't like working remotely for a couple reasons. One, is it blurs the line between life and work which could be fixed by setting up a separate office, and secondly my home set up is not so ergonomic. It would take some different furniture to set it up for working long stints. Right now I'm in the office watching the heavy snow try to turn to rain.

And, here is a clip at Aaron and Sonya's I took a week ago today. I'd like to edit out the rough transitions. Moving tripod in deep snow = klunky. The horses loved the canters (0:50 and 3:15) in the snow. I suspect they were aware of their rooster tails.

Hang In There

2008-12-06T14:04:00.000-08:00

I saw a pedestrian hit at 1st Ave N and Mercer St. I was on 1st waiting for the light, which is one way northbound, and I noticed a car turning left suddenly stop. I looked and saw the pedestrian hit the ground hard. I hadn't noticed the pedestrian prior to that, as it was dark and rainy and she was wearing dark clothes.

I pulled foward and parked in the second parking lot on the left, at St. Paul's which has the scalloped chalet roof. I was delivering a stage prop I'd built, and once the police arrived I went down to let them know what I'd seen. He had no interest in me as a witness, and was snidely curt in the way of the career beaurocrat at the DMV. Disclaimer here, I haven't met that kind of jerk at the DMV since I went to Bremerton in the 70's. Good luck, or simply an inaccurate stereotype.

View Larger Map

Here's the aspect I had from the light.

View Larger Map

Who ever you are, I hope you recover as quickly as I did when I went down on the motorcycle. A scare and bad bruising is more than enough for anyone to deal with, and again I hope you have the same lack of lingering injury.

I believe it was an accident in the truest sense of the word. Poor street lighting, and lousy conditions. I imagine the driver feels horrible. It's made me pay extra attention to crosswalks...

Bookings

2008-12-05T17:28:00.000-08:00

I recently started FaceBook and enjoy it. I like reading people's status updates, kind of min-blogs. I was just added as a friend by one of the many really good actors I know. We worked on The Cherry Orchard, and have crossed paths several times since. I've seen his name pop up several times in the "people you may know" frame. I hesitated to add him because we aren't well acquainted and I think he is very talented. Stupid, I know.

I've been thinking about how shy I was, and realize I am still very shy and every time I reach out to a potential friend or even an established friend I still have to ignore those self doubt thoughts. I've just learned to more often work outside my comfort zone.

In The Beginning There Was Darvon

2008-11-24T17:16:00.000-08:00

Everyone did great work for the Solo Performance class presentations last night. I haven't been as nervous for a show in quite a while. We were all feeling that way. One talented young woman was really upset, and I hope she understood none of us minded her tears. They were ours too.

I ran my lines so many times I was at the point where I didn't know what I'd missed unless I really focused, which is a bad idea when you're driving, or trying to get ready for the day job without being late.

It is a lot easier in most ways to work with your own text. There is immediate knowledge when you are paraphrasing, and then you get/have to decide whether the paraphrase is better. One lesson I've heard and agreed to many a time, is that every word is important. It was never so immediate and personal before. Even if I never do another solo piece, I will strive to find that meaning in every word as I work with text.

It was a friendly audience, our eight classmates and ten or twelve guests. I was still playing with staging, and truth be told was just at the point I like to start from at the commencement of rehearsals. It was an autobiographical piece about the relationship with my mother. The working title, is also the title of this post.

The first thing for me in this process, along with getting off book, was getting my emotional baggage out of the way. That was a challenge. My emotions are part of the story, but not THE story. I did not want old dysfunctional familial responses getting in the way, as I wanted to go past them for a more universal story. So I worked to get a pretty neutral delivery. Then, diving back into my own text to make the desired moments and concepts pop. That might have been more challenging than working with someone else's text.

By last night I was getting the emotional and story arcs in the general vicinity of what I wanted. Not yet close to a sharp focus, more of an whispy haze. I also had several concurrent time lines going. My childhood and early adult years, mother's childhood and early adult years, and the last six years. Making the story clear without causing confusion around interwoven story lines was a big challenge too. Mostly technical with the writing, but staying in the moment(s) was critical too.

I had several tentative guests, and only one made it and he had to leave right after the show so I didn't hear from him. I was next to last, and before I went up I was relieved only one person showed. Afterwards I actually wished some more could have made it.

People found the story very clear which was very satisfying, as was people's emotional response and feedback. I was sincerely stunned it seemed to work well. I may submit to the Solo Performance Festival. My reasons for not doing so are because it's a personal piece of limited appeal and I want to move forward on a non-autobiographical piece. Is that good reasoning or chickening out?

Political Telegraphing?

2008-11-20T21:26:00.000-08:00

The news about Mukasey's collapse broke in the last couple hours. I, of course, had a wickedly dark thought which will probably not be appropriate for a while. I realized all the editorializing (like "no-nonsense") and life background skated the edge of obituary territory. The so called liberal newspapers simply had less of the flowery accolades. That moves from biographical background to obituary notice territory. It's as though they have already written him off for some reason.

It sounds like he had a serious incident. I would wish that on no man, and hope he recovers quickly.

Perino's statement sounded like the president said, "Hope he can get up and take another hit for the team." What do you think? Here's what she really said, "The president has him in his thoughts and will be kept apprised and hopes that he will be back up and at 'em again soon."

EE...

2008-11-20T13:16:00.000-08:00

Spoiler alert, if you're going to the class show I'm in this Sunday. That class is part of the reason I've been so quiet here lately.

I just ordered two tickets for Black Nativity at the Intiman. I've been wanting to see the show since I started subscribing in 2001. It's been nearly that long since I saw my mother for more than a few minutes at a time at family functions, every other year or so.

Seats E-111 and E-112 on December 3rd, with a dinner before the show. Mother is looking forward to the show as well. I also expect she is feeling some anticipation, though for different reasons. I will allow myself to fall into that old habit of putting others at ease, as I think it appropriate for the occasion and both of us.

A Dysfunctional Relationship With... me

2008-11-17T13:26:00.001-08:00

This weekend should be my first full day off since August. Office move, and my computers will be offline, so I can't even connect from the house to work. Yippee!

I'll be starting my annual two weeks of pager duty, but that rarely requires working on-site, as we are basically called when understanding the problem and reassigment assistance is needed. Here's hoping it's a call free two weeks.

I've been pretty busy with the day job and two classes at Freehold. The Solo Performance piece is at Freehold this Sunday at 8pm if you're in the area and interested. It is my first stab at solo work, and after only four weeks of work none of us in the class are sanguine about our work, though I think everybody else is doing great. I have a piece around McCarthyism I'd like to start developing with solo work, but I needed to get this more personal one out of my way for several reasons. I have had some success. My goal is to present the history around the dysfunctional relationship with my Mother, but not as a vent or a justification for either of us.

As Sgt. Friday would say, "Just the facts, Ma'am." There is more than that of course, and my challenge was to get through the piece without being overwhelmed by the baggage. Building on that analogy, there is a big pile of baggage, most of it meaningless, and a lot of it useless in that nothing can or should be done at this point. There are a few items which need to be looked at, and the trick is keeping out of the way when the rest come tumbling down.

I find myself going back to basics. Take the text and work on flat reads, so it's just the words and as they're mine, some concurrent wordsmithing. I'm working on getting to a pretty neutral presentation, then working the text. The larger beats I know since I wrote it, but working the operative words and phrases will allow me to say what I intended with the text, rather than the unhelpful habitual emotional responses from all that old baggage. It seems to be working a little... I hope I've got a lot more of those kinks worked out by Sunday.

Release Night at the Day Job #3

2008-11-08T03:29:00.000-08:00

Only half an hour left, and I'm having my first cup of coffee in a few months. I've been here close onto fourteen hours and don't want to fall asleep on the way home. I got enough work done that I don't have to come in again until Sunday.

And I just did a little work helping some folks out and my shift is done. Sweet dreams.

Release Night at the Day Job #2

2008-11-07T22:47:00.000-08:00

I got in early as I accepted a phone screen, a sort of pre-interview, forgetting I was scheduled for 8pm - 4am. So, in at 3:30 do the interview and clear a number of tasks. I'm not going to do much more work right now, as I'm pretty beat and I figure I wouldn't save any time as I'm too likely to introduce bugs I'll have to track down.

The good news, is the prospect I screened seemed good as did the last so we may soon have a new db dev. I'm considering cancelling my vacation plans in December which I don't want to do, especially because at this point I've not had a day off since August. Who has the world's smallest violin to go with that?

I'm still in shock about the election. I hadn't realized how much my faith in Americans had suffered as a result of our mad dash towards totalitarianism and demonization of the weak to distract us from corporate inspired depradations. I don't think we yet realize how far we have sunk, but to change direction is a wonderful step. We are moving away from denial towards healing, maybe even growth at some point. I posted this at the liberal discussion group at work.

It's only beginning to sink in for me. I'd gotten so pessimistic about our country and it's direction I was in a state of shocked denial last night. Today I'm getting intense emotional flashes. I'm feeling pretty whimpy for a combat veteran. ; )

I'm still getting emotional and the denial lingers. It's getting better and I've lost my five or six year obsession for checking new sites all day long.

Release Night at the Day Job #1

2008-11-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

Well, it's another late on. I go home around 4am, and to start here's a few items for my Dad. The first is a piece which we play, though ours is a somewhat less complex arrangement, and he is much better at it. The second speaks for itself. And the third just because I think he'll like it.

2008-11-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

I'm 28 days older than Steven, my neighbor growing up and best friend and enemy throughout grade school. He was an average, perhaps slightly above average athlete, and I was a non-participant and I always felt a little kinship because of that. We found different social groups in junior high and high school. I never asked, and assumed he found a group in which he felt he fit in. That created a small bit of envy on my part.

I don't know of anyone from that early period in our lives besides us that spent significant time in the military. I believe his brother spent a couple years in the Air Force. I spent 9 1/2 years in the Navy, and Steve is getting ready to retire.

Steve left a note in January of 2006 on this blog and we've been trading several Emails a year. It was he who told me this September that our neighbor Ricky had passed away. Ironic, seeing as he is currently stationed in Afghanistan. Funny I forgot to ask what his rank is. We used to be a little competitive, and I was the first in the military, then he went in as an enlisted musician. That really impressed me as I admired artists (which I thought I was not), and then he went to chaplain school and is now looking towards retirement. I googled and found an article, and in 2007 he was a Major. Wow! I'm looking forward to seeing him when he is back in the area. As I work on a piece for Solo Performance I am going back to that world and he was a big and positive part of it.

Now, he is in Afghanistan. I pray for my chaplain friend. I don't know his politics. I don't know what type of religion he practices. I assume his choices are well considered, intelligent, and compassionate. I remember that of him and how he and his mother instilled some of that in me. At least, I hope they succeeded.

That said, I don't care a whit about his politics. I hope and pray for his safety, something I don't do often, as I have a contrary nature and only pray for things which are important to me, but for the benefit of others. I may not be much of a christian, but I am very spiritual and am okay with praying to something I don't understand. My spirituality serves to humble myself and challenge my preconceptions, which is perhaps my reason for feeling driven out of most churches. I have an perverse intolerance of intolerance which I have yet to overcome.

I haven't seen Steve in nearly half a life time, and find myself admiring him.

Getting Schooled

2008-11-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

I'm taking two classes this quarter. I've not been auditioning for anything with rehearsals starting before January. I don't expect to have time to rehearse until December, and I want to take a two week vacation before Christmas, pretty much shooting down December. I've not had a full day off since August, and it looks like I'll break the streak this month, as we have an office move and I won't even be able to work remotely as my office computer won't be available.

So, I'm starving for art and decided to take a couple classes at Freehold I've been wanting to do for quite a while. They make me nervous, so I wanted to take them all the more. One is solo performance, and I got quite a bit out of the first class. I won't have the time to dedicate to that class I would like so it will cause some stress. I expect it will relieve a lot more stress than it creates. I don't do so well when I'm not actively working on a project.

The other class is Voice Over. Pure fun. It is supposed to be one of the fastest growing industries. You can guess where my thoughts go. What a cool day job that would be. It's fun to fantasize about and more likely than winning the lottery.

Truthy-nuts

2008-11-01T12:25:00.000-07:00

Back when the republicans had a few things to say which weren't fear-mongering I leaned towards a few of their points, but still supported democrats in a majority of races. Like most of the guys I knew in Naval Aviation, we were non-partisan, said we were conservative but actually voted a more progressive line. As I've become less and less trustful and more disgusted with the Gop Store (for the rich) I've wondered why. They've always been assiduous in their anilingus for the wealthy, so that hasn't changed. Then one day a couple weeks ago a thought occurred which keeps coming back.

I was thinking how neither party has anything close to a monopoly on lying. How many times have we seen an apparently remorseful or even teary democrat apologizing for being a lying son of a bitch after the wiggle room was exhausted? How often have we seen a republican denying the obvious and making everyone think they are unrepentant rat bastard sacks of lying shit? Strong language, and that is the point. It occurred to me that however often they fail to live up to ideals, that in general honesty is a value with the democrats. With republicans that is not true, in general truth is a tactic (which they don't often find useful).

Recent high profile cases. Spitzer and his hookers; bawling repentance from the democrat. Recent, hypocritical, tawdry, and inane. Stevens as a hooker for oil clientele, whom I thought would get off as the prosecution appeared to be throwing the contest, insists he was not convicted. Fact: his conviction by a jury of his peers was for lying. Now he's demonstrating the belief he is above the law (which is a non-partisan trait of the powerful), and especially ironic in this case. Is it that at eighty-four he little old man frightened silly of a major change in his day to to day life? Or is he paving the way for Palin, believing he'll be elected and then she'd be appointed. Either way it's up to Alaska. I'm wondering whether they feel they owe him service, or rather the senator should be serving them.

Spitzer got his pain out and done with rather quickly, a better solution for him and his constituency. He showed himself to have feet of clay, and quickly stepped aside when he could no longer serve effectively. He didn't seem to feel the constituency owed him something. Stevens seems to think that by God the little people he should be serving owe him a huge debt, and a criminal conviction at their hands doesn't even count. Are those the respective end games for the 'truth as value' versus 'truth as tactic' ethical systems?

Ding Ding Ding -- And We Have A WINNER! well, maybe...

2008-10-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

George Will must have had that Ace of Hates up his sleeve waiting to be the first to throw it on the national media table. To be fair, from that clip I didn't hear him saying Powell picked Obama because he was black. Was there more, or were the FDL folks a little too eager to nail someone for the pre-ordained belittling from the right?

Still, I love taking the thunder away from the professional hate-mongers. I mean how could that guy come up with it off the cuff, unless it was already there? Let's assume that Will gets credit for making the black connection. Was he really the first? Did anyone beat him playing the utterly predictable and even more inane race card following Powell's endorsement? Did he really beat the hate-centric race baiting likes of Bill O, Hannity, Malkin, Cavuto, Limbaugh, Imus, Coulter, ...?

Frankly the few times I've seen George Will I've always thought he should be reading bad poetry on Laugh-In. He's come across to me as dull, slow, anything but clever; an extra strength sedative in a bland suit. The usual racist hate mongering crowd must be really disappointed they missed the opportunity for the gold on this one. Oh well, they're probably touching themselves in commiseration while they look at this creepy (in a real way) Halloween decoration.

I hope they go so over the edge on this one that they won't be able to rekindle a Clinton-like witch hunt. What would they do if the democrats ever put a progressive on the ticket instead of a centrist? I can only dream.

Preemptive Cynicism?

2008-10-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

I think Stevens is guilty. Mostly knee-jerk. There are real factors. Then there is the fact that he is a republican and from a family deeply involved in corruption. The "you are defined by the company you keep idea." Of course it can be taken to ridiculous ends as is the case with linking Obama to tenuous and ancient acquaintances. (Now if Obama was a recent keynote speaker for groups advocating domestic terrorism or celebrated vicious witch hunts in his church that would get him closer to the seemingluy infinite unsavory associate list of Palin.) Hmm, that is one quiet 800 pound gorilla in the McCain camp.

After the company he creates and keeps, there is precedent. Ashcroft. Gonzo. Mukasey. I don't know the credentials of the prosecutors in his case, but it certainly sounds like liberty university type shenanigans. Screw up the case so he gets off. Yup, I'd say he's as safe as a jaywalker wearing a brown shirt during a 1939 Berlin book burning. Of course, even then there was the occasional rogue cop who enforced the law. Maybe the apparent prosecutorial mishaps are more overblown Rupert-Noise. Dream on Scott...

Flying For Obama

2008-10-15T11:27:00.001-07:00

I ordered new Naval Aviator's wings. I couldn't find my old ones, and as a combat veteran and former Naval Aviator (Naval Flight Officer) I am rabid about this election. I wanted to state my conviction, especially for those that claim to support to the military while using us like a moist towellette and tossing us in the shit can when our blood is no longer needed to salve over their cowardice.

I heard rumors about McCain, or McFlame as I remember one sailor calling him, when I was active duty. I disregarded them as much as I could, and like so many thought he was a breath of fresh air in previous presidential elections. It was in the last year that I realized the rumors treated him kindly. It was not unusual or inappropriate for POW's to be given license. As far as we were all concerned they paid their dues. We knew the Viet Cong did not screen prisoners, taking only those with strong resumes.

So, along with heroes and average guys some dirtballs were taken captive as well. I've read his record, and I suspect McCain was the latter, and that being abused didn't turn him into the politically weak and unprincipled man he is today. That is probably who he has always been, from the day he was born into a house with servants reminiscent of slavery. He grew up at a time when many minority enlisted troops were stewards, basically personal household servants for senior officers with no rights and the weight of military law keeping them completely obedient. Some grow up in that elitist environment and manage to retain their souls. Sadly, it appears McCain didn't have the strength or will to let himself be inconvenienced by a soul.

So, I will wear nice shirts for a while, to honor the wings which represent the sacrifices large and small made by our troops from the founding of our country until now. And to honor my personal obligation to truly support them I will wear the button of the candidate who I believe will give them real support instead of wasting them along with the power and reputation of our once great nation. It is the only way to make us a great nation again. I will speak against individuals and actions from any party which make us less than we should be.

I was surprised to find that I couldn't wear my wings today. They have a deep personal meaning for me, and wearing them with a T-shirt is not something I am at all comfortable with. For my actor friends who have taken mask (or in any way imbued an object with power) this is an easy concept. The first thing we did in neutral mask was learn to shoe and unshoe the mask, never in view, and to handle the mask with care and honor. Those wings are imbued with several years of hard work, challenge, and perseverance. Earning them is one of the accomplishments I am most proud of. Treating them with honor, gives the political statement more deeply personal meaning for me.

The Comedy Sour

2008-10-10T18:03:00.000-07:00

Did you catch dubya this morning (Friday)??? A couple things stood out. He appeared to me like a scared kid delivering a book report for something he never read. Not much of a confidence builder. Of course, I've detested him for a touch over seven years so I'm biased.

Secondly... So, after almost eight years of telling "Amercka" to be afraid of everything under the sun, he goes on about how we must not now be afraid. Too late numb nuts.

As for my thoughts yesterday. I'm wondering if the gop is cutting Palin loose already? I almost choked on my morning sardine breakfast when the big news was the McCain Campaign had released their investigation which cleared Palin. They couldn't find some neocon think tank to produce a fake investigation? And, this is fucking news? That's the liberal media for you. At least the official report is getting almost the same level of coverage.

I'm not sanguine, but I'm getting more hopeful that we'll slightly loosen the corporate stranglehold on America this year.

Taking the 25th

2008-10-09T15:37:00.000-07:00

I was reading about Gerald Ford a few days ago. In hindsight it seems the primary purpose of his appointment was to pardon Nixon if needed, thus making the president appear to be above the law. We are paying the price today in blood and many years of delayed retirement for making the mba in chief above the law.

Apply that thought to Palin. Why pick a running mate already under the light of at least one very public official ethics investigation? Plus, she has proven to be a blithering idiot capable of nothing more than rote recitals of disconnected talking points. Why would she be picked? A colossal miscalculation? No. The opposite, I fear.

The republican machine is amazing in its capacity for duplicitous calculation against the constitution and the citizens it was intended to protect. Whether it be faking irritating robocalls from the opposition, caging and intimidating poor and minority voters, lavishly funding spoilers to the opposition, and on, and on, and on... I can't think that Palin was a big oopsy. They must be expecting and counting on the Agnew scenario, allowing the president to appoint a replacement they couldn't possibly elect. Cheney? Giuliani? Satan? It's becoming apparent that through mental, emotional, and/or physical breakdown and/or failure that McCain probably could not finish a four year term. Then we'd have another unelected president, and you can bet the republican machine doesn't want to go with another mostly inoffensive tool like Ford.

Of course, it appears there may be another miscalculation. The republicans are the last to realize changes in culture, and at the moment it seems the masses they market to have fallen out of love with Britney, Paris, etc. Vice President Nicole, er, Sarah just isn't garnering the long-term adoration they'd hoped. It appears even Alaska which like the other western states, doesn't much care what the rest of the country drones on about, is embarrassed. Kind of like we in Washington have been made to look like buffoons over Gorton, Ehrlichman, and the ultimate Abramoff/DeLay towel boy, doc Hastings.

So, there are the McCain moves to squelch the investigations. Why are they seemingly half-hearted? In the event we elect the dotard the last thing the gop wants is to have her in office for any length of time. Thus, only a token squelching is being done. This is not intended to stop the investigation, only to delay it. If the current trend reverses and we put neocons back in the white house, her investigation will grow even faster and she may not last the year. Then we'll have an obvious piece of trash like Cheney back in office, or a closet corporate imperialist like Roberts ushered in under the radar.

No, there won't be an intentionally incompetent prosecution for Palin, like what appears to be playing out for her fellow Alaskan and servant to Exxon, Stevens. Her show trial will be skewed the other direction.

Isn't that cute.

2008-09-30T20:12:00.000-07:00

Everybody else has this labeled "McCain Thinks Venezuela Is In The Middle East." Which is more distressing? He didn't catch himself screwing the pooch again (at least within the time frame of this clip), or that the boobleheads applauding him didn't seem to notice?

PS - Booblehead is my new moniker for those swallowing the neocon pill...

A Real Representative -- Thank You Mr. Jay Inslee!

2008-09-30T17:08:00.001-07:00

I called Jay Inslee's office on Monday, and talked to a live staffer! Voice mail for Murray, and Cantwell's voice mail was whacked. The man I talked to mentioned other people had told him Cantwell's voice mail was broken. I've railed on her a number of times for supporting Bush fear tactics and corporations too often, so that didn't make me think she is suddenly interested in non-millionaires.

Inslee (like my experiences with Murray in the past) was a refreshing difference. I wasn't rushed and was able to cogently state my concerns, that we not rush through a bill for a huge bailout, which removes any motive for exercising responsibility for the corporations who made the mess. As I griped earlier, I really don't want to support the republican fantasy of depleting government funds for their rich buddies at the expense of social security and any hope of meaningful health care reform.

Apparently a lot of other people voiced the same concern, and the Honorable Mr. Inslee listened to us instead of dubya's latest calls of "Wolf!"

Now, I wish I'd made the obvious suggestion. Give them 70 billion with a preponderance of strings, and make sure it is invested wisely and that the corporals of industry are forced to ask for more every damn time it is needed, instead of passively waiting around for their slice of our pie.

Why should we be rushed? The neo-con government and their corporate partners have never rushed to help us (Katrina, bridges, and other infratructure), and I'd challenge the notion they've ever done anything with the primary aim of helping their constituents/customers. I do not believe this is very urgent, and certainly not as dire as the chicken-hawks declare. At least make them sweat while they wait for their corporate welfare checks. Maybe it will make them less sanguine about the republican culture of entitlement.

The Republican Bailout Package

2008-09-29T12:41:00.000-07:00

-or-
Don't Throw Me In That Briar Patch

The Savings and Loan bailout because of republican's Laissez-faire approach to high finance ruled out any meaningful social programs for a generation as we paid down their Reagan-Bush debt. Now we are again bailing out the upper caste as a result of the republican's Laissez-faire approach to high finance. Along with Iraq. Now we'll be paying down the Cheney-Bush debt for the next generation.

Our wealth gets diverted to the ultra-rich for their tinkle down on the masses fantasy world. Once the debt they created is paid down and the democrats want to do something for you and I, the conservatives screech like the worst brat in the K-Mart toy section about tax and spend democrats until the voters, like an embarrassed weak-willed parent, give in and give them whatever they want to stop the whining.

This time they drove up the tax burden so far that paying back the money borrowed from social security will be nigh impossible. How many people know that if our politicians hadn't looted social security in the first place there would not be any impending crisis? I suspect the republican goal of destroying social security will be enabled this week. "Health care?", you ask. They say, "Fuck you, Daddy needs a bailout kiddies. So, quit your belly-aching and get a job if you want luxuries."

Next on the conservative... Privatizing water.

At least one person states what seems obvious:

It's Worse Than You Think

2008-09-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

More and more I'm thinking there is no need for a bailout. The one bank which actually failed, WaMu, appears to have had it's doors closed by banking regulators. That's an oversimplification, but demonstrates my non-nuanced view.

What is important and absolutely straightforward is that it was gobbled up by Chase. What would a bailout do for such institutions? Provide extra incentive for the surviving predators, thus reducing competition while greatly increasing their power over our leaders. If there is a bailout, it must have a stipulation the institution cannot not then be absorbed by a bigger one without repaying the taxpayers with interest -- the same level as applied to credit cards for the poor. I don't see the risk as being any different.

Local WaMu employees are getting axed, Chase is now even bigger and more influential and will drive government policy even more than in the past. We need to be regulating these big boys out of business. If we are to survive, if our government is ever going to govern corporations instead of the reverse we need to go back to trust busting. Now!

Three is Crowding Me

2008-09-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

Last thing yesterday evening I found out Richard Grant, one of my best grade school friends died recently of brain cancer. Then first thing this morning I found out about Paul Newman. I of course never knew Mara or Paul personally but had short connections. Mara through a co-worker, and Paul through my uncle. They raced professionally at the same time and same circuits. Now, Uncle Spence was a son of a bitch, known as one of the most talented and gifted drivers out there, but one of the dirtiest too. Paul Newman and Dick Smothers were known for being class acts and surprisingly good drivers. Ironic on several levels -- I'll remember Paul more fondly because of my uncle.

I met Richard as Ricky and as we approached junior high he became Rick, and was Richard in his Obit. We were best friends for years, with the occasional half a day here and there as mortal enemies. I had two other friends like that, so he was a very big part of my early life. Funny, in addition to all the memories of childhood joys and games I remember a mole he had on his face. His right cheek back towards the temple or was it the jaw or cheek bone? It impressed me, and made me a little jealous because it had a couple big blond hairs. I mean, how cool is that? I've tried to track him and his sister down a time or two over the last few years to see if they are on any social networks. It's fun to touch base with people you knew years ago, but this is not my preferred way of catching up. I hope his family and friends are doing well. I remember him as a charming, good, and fun person.

Teach Me

2008-09-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

I received an E-mail from a co-worker telling me Mara had passed away after a year long fight with cancer. I was trying to figure out who she was as I didn't remember working with her, or on Mara's Team. Then I followed the link and remembered. She was six years old.

Richard knew of her through his local kindergarten, and he had participated in the American Cancer Society Relay for Life. I made a modest donation and remembered looking at the web site at that time. I sincerely wished her well, but didn't follow her progress as things did not look hopeful. I didn't have the heart at the time.

Even so I'm shedding tears now, while realizing that being a soft touch is better than not being able to shed a tear. I wish could have done more, and yet know there was nothing I could have done. It looks like there was a lot of support there, and while I pray nothing like that will happen to people I know, it reminds me tragedy doesn't often RSVP. I believe I would be one of those people giving support. If nothing more than playing and reading with them. I've found children enjoy those interchanges as much as I do.

I don't understand what it means to be at the end of life, and I expect I'm at least half way there with time rushing past the windows of my soul. It breaks our hearts when we see someone so young facing that which we avoid dwelling on as long as we can.

The few times I've interacted with or seen children in an end of life situation I've seen more acceptance and peace than I can imagine having myself. We have a whole medical industry based on emptying estates of the very old for a few extra weeks in misery -- something I was a little surprised my stepmom, a geriatric nurse, seemed to heartily sympathise with me on. We grown-ups refuse to accept that which cannot be changed and grasp onto no-quality life rather than celebrating the good we've experienced. Perhaps we have much, much more to learn from young children in that situation than we have to teach them.

Edsel for President?

2008-09-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

McCain had a huge media advantage, as they had for years accepted his maverick persona and showed no inclination to slow down their cultish worship of the man. Until he attacked them. First for daring to cover Obama, then for covering only his most egregious lies.

It seems that McCain's patina is something below the popularity level of 1960 Edsel.

It's starting to look like my pessimistic feeling that McCain would be elected through judicious use of smears, fear mongering, and passive-aggressive keyword racism of the right may not come to pass. If that is so, will selecting Palin or suspending his campaign be viewed as his moment of jumping the shark? Or is he trying to win by jumping a whole bunch of sharks at one time?

I wonder how much pain it causes him to put strings on the bailout for the Wall Street Wealthy. Thoughts?

Conspiracy Fallacy

2008-09-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

I was suckered from the google news page to an article about the financial meltdown and bailout. It was an article titled Plausible Deniability, and I didn't notice it was from the most egregious purveyor of misinformation in modern history. At the end of the first paragraph foxnews says:

If you believe the Times or the Obama campaign, everything but government regulation is to blame for the crisis.

They actually put that in print. So according to the fox reality, "If you believe the Times or the Kennedy Widow, everything but JFK himself is to blame for the assassination of the 35th president." That's right, and you heard it here first. At fox they believe Jack Kennedy shot himself dead with a remotely positioned high powered rifle.

Oh, the icing on the cake. They blame Clinton for the financial meltdown. It was no surprise, as I read several pieces speculating on how long it would take them to blame Clinton for the latest of their boy king's disasters. I bet there were a lot of betting pools on that. Congratulations if you won.

Is fox finally jumping the shark? Probably not. They haven't run out of people they can fool into living in fear or willful ignorance. What should really worry us all is that this is not the rantings of the neighborhood lunatic, but mass consumed drivel that we cannot write off as inconsequential.

Ouch

2008-09-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

So, this has been my life the last month, and probably the next month. Being a software developer I get Dilbert, however I usually don't feel like I'm living it in such an exact manner.

Turn About is Not Fair? -or-Precedents Don't Count for People Who Matter

2008-09-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

I believe hacking someone's E-mail is wrong. Period. That's because I respect the constitution and believe in privacy and a host of other things for which the neocons degrade us moderates and progressives.

I really am crying a thimble full of crocodile tears for Palin. She represents the far right which believe privacy and other personal safeties are quaint and have no weight compared to what they perceive as their common good. Our current leaders don't even believe these safeties merit dialog before abrogating 200+ year precedents.

So, the hackers who have bought and sold our government will get away with far more egregious and widespread hacking of citizens (e.g. retroactive immunity for blatant FISA violations), while those who hacked a single hack politician for the common good will face the full force of our unequal justice system.

Star Musing

2008-09-16T21:38:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while the stars align and you can perceive and actually believe your art is growing and improving. For a moment anyway.

This Summer I was in As You Like It on the basis of an earlier audition for MacBeth with the same company. For another director in the same company I auditionedn for a show this Fall, but was invited to a callback and subsequently cast for a different show early next year. I had an audition on Saturday, and I was not cast but the director wrote me a very complimentary Email, asking if she could call on me later. So, even without being cast they turned out to be three very successful auditions. I'm also precast for a "pirate" show, and looking forward to that. It is for the same folks who put on Noah Way Out, which was tremendously enjoyed by cast and audience. In fact it is the same writer, and he's writing the part with me in mind.

Sunday night I went to an Open House at Freehold, mostly to see their new digs and meet the instructors for the classes I signed up for (Solo Performance and Voice Over). I chatted with George, telling him I'd like a little guidance as I'd been asked to consider conducting a mask workshop for the theatre group that put on Noah Way Out. George was excited, asking me to call so we could get together and talk about it. I was prepared to explain that I'd talked up how helpful I thought mask work was, and that was why I was asked, but George didn't really give me the chance for my self-effacing explanation. His immediate enthusiasm was an indirect compliment which later reminded me of a number of little successes, including those I mentioned above.

It is so much easier to berate myself. Why is that? Is it the disproportionate guilt over the little feeling of happy smugness when I feel good about where I'm going? Or because I know how much better I could do if I had the time? Some combination I'm sure. I am hungry to learn more skills and hone the ones I have, so I have a bigger toolbox to select from for the next show.

I've found that having more things to try, allows me to make better decisions when preparing with the time constraints of a full time day job. Some shows doing more animal work feels like the ticket, others more Meisner type imagery, some want more classical treatment, or more text analysis. I suspect even with the time to do everything I'd still focus more on the items that feel like they'd be more effective for the project at hand. There is no rule, just a feeling of what I want to work on based on the piece and my mood, and what I feel can make the most difference at that moment. More than a little intuition. Notice, I didn't jump to the conclusion that it is consistently good intuition. ; )

I'm looking forward to the classes. Even when work is too busy to let me work on a show (which to be fair is not often), I can still be productive and find ways get outside my comfort zone.

One Way

2008-09-07T11:22:00.000-07:00

Are the hate mongers like Rush and BillO feeling deep disappointment the robber barons holding their leashes aren't letting them practice character assassination on palin and daughter? You know if it was a democrat the opening salvo would have been a rumor that Levi was actually her brother, secretly adopted out to avoid some scandal. Or are the gop junkyard dogs so well trained they don't even think of attacking mouthpieces for their rich masters? I believe the answer to my rhetorical question is yes? I would love to look at one of them when the question is posed. It would be same look you'd get after asking dubya to derive the quadratic equation. No guys, counting on your fingers won't help.

Per the rove playbook of going after the opponents strengths I guess the republicans have a lot of avenues of attack when it comes to Obama. When we look to attack the strengths of McCain and Palin, well we gotta' find other things to attack. So far it seems Palin is most admired for 'her' lipstick joke. Come on folks, what a tired old joke. Is that the best they can do to highlight her cleverness, charm, and humor? It was funny the first time I heard it in the 8th grade. By high school it was older than nehru jackets.

Communing With the Weeds

2008-08-18T13:39:00.000-07:00

A novel weekend for me. A sultry weekend, and I hung out in the shade with books and laptop. The script I wrote last December was my project. I wanted to get busy on a rewrite, and actually got one done. Plus I did a little fun reading (The White Dragon).

Since we were in smog warning I didn't mow the lawn, though soon I'll have to at least run the scythe over it to prevent the dandelions from going to seed. They and the clover are the only things which have grown since the last mowing anyway. A lazy August day. I want some more of these. I forgot how nice it is to just sit around outside. I'll try to get my mowing and weed/shrub whacking done before the weekend so I can some more guilt free liesure.

I had several take-aways on the script. Most surprising was how much I enjoyed reading it. Second was the short bits towards the end which are a little heavy handed in the treatment of gall-mart and vp dickweed. (The names changed here to apt aliases.) Heartless box stores and proudly corrupt leaders deserve mockery, but they are not the focus of the story so I have to lighten up the treatment, making it a little subtle.

I'm guessing the script is not as fun for others as for me, and that the heavy handedness isn't as smothering as it seemed. I of course assume the negative is closer to reality, and I need more work to make the script enjoyable and less heavy handed.

I have a couple friends who offered to give it a read. One a big vampire fan, the other another big theatre fan. I'm looking forward to their feedback. Nearly as much as I'm dreading it. Silly of me I hope, as thus far people have really liked it.

Payback's a Bitch

2008-08-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not clear on what is happening in Georgia, which sadly puts me on par with the white house and at least one belligerent, cranky whining candidate. I do get the impression it was not a time critical issue, meaning I think Russia picked the time to repsond. Let's see, the biggest rivals in their eyes are us and China.

Even the majority our own population finds the sabre rattling and attempts to scold Russia for attempting regime change ludicrous. We ceded the moral high ground in favor of lucrative no-bid contracts for cronies to pursue an elective war we started (after failing to provoke one). Now, we can't even afford to stay in Iraq, much less play with any big boys.

China is busting a hump to cover their routine human rights depredations long enough to get some good press out of the Olympics. Russia is kind of stealing their thunder.

So assuming Russia chose the timing do you think the Chinese frustration at losing the spotlight and the exposing of U.S. impotence and hypocrisy has anything to do with their choice? My mental picture of this is America getting totally pants'd in front of everyone, and the trophy trousers held up in front of China's face.

Definition
Pants'd: 70's slang for when someone yanks down your pants.

Who's Buzzing?

2008-08-13T16:36:00.000-07:00

Right now ABC and CNN have the tragic death of Bill Gwatney as lead stories. Guess what MSNBC and Fox have in common? Leading question. Both seem to lead with the Georgia conflict (understandable), and Fox also views the 'shocking' rumor that Powell will endorse Obama to be more newsworthy, and MSNBC seems to think Ms. Edward's 'emotional pain' over the old news about hubbies wandering to be more newsworthy than the assassination. Maybe Olbermann should chill on his assumed supremacy over their competing infotainment whores.

That Movie Wasn't So Bad After All

2008-08-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

I saw The Dark Knight with Beth on Saturday. I liked it better than Batman Begins, though like that one it was painfully long to my tastes. And here is one of those conundrums I so enjoy. American culture is notorious for it's short attention span, and if we were able to focus our second grade intellectual level on anything outside ourselves we'd realize what a mockery we are to the thinking world.

We are constantly pounded with MTV style sound bytes, and rather than work or even think for a couple seconds we accept the word of the lowest common denominators like billo. We'll form any opinion people who pay monolithic marketing engines want us to. In america to disagree with the mob is weird. To think for yourself is traitorous. The peer pressure to be an easily pliant tool and afraid of nearly anything is overwhelming. Yet our action movies are getting painfully long. King Kong was so long I sacked out during the last fifteen minutes when it first came out on dvd and have had no desire to watch the rest. I've never been one to fall in with the crowd, and while most trends leave me a little cold this is one I like.

At least in our movies there is a thirst for more focus and time spent on a topic. The antithesis of modern manipulative marketing. Will our population become a little less herd-like for a while? I certainly see the possibility, and it is exciting.

On a sadder note, we saw Heath Ledger just as his range as an artist was blossoming and becoming evident. He's been deified a bit, and given the circumstances it is understandable. The only other movie I saw where he had a major role was 10 Things I Hate About You, (an adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew) where he and Julia Stiles made the movie. I've a copy of Brokeback Mountain at home which I haven't watched, but is now a lot farther up on my list of heavy movies. Funny thing. Since I started going to live theatre a lot, I don't see as many heavy movies.

Getting My Pipes Cleaned

2008-08-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

Aaron and Sonya were down for visit this weekend, which worked out nice. Finished up with birthday dinner at The Noodle Boat yesterday evening. About my favorite Thai food in the area, and run by a very nice family whom Aaron and Sonya have been friends with for years. Beth joined us for dinner too. It wasn't a birthday party, just a dinner with friends. Which is the perfect way to celebrate the day in my mind.

Saturday I took on a plumbing project. The upstairs bathroom sink have always drained slowly, and when I want at them a month ago with a plunger I blew the seals n the master bathroom sink. So I got some new hardware (well plastic), and got a more elegant and leak free trap and drain, solving the leak but the slow drainage problem. In fact not using the sink for a while had caused the slowness to seem more like a complete stoppage.

Here is the problem, the two sinks drain into the same pipe, and liquid plumbing products did not help much last time, so I needed a more aggressive solution. The 1problem is that the snake simply goes across the wall to the other sink, as it is a T instead of a more sensible Y joint. I went downstairs to see if there is anything I can do. The plumbing for the pipes is not accessible through the downstairs bathroom, just those for everything else (bathtubs, toilets), and on the other side of the wall is the garage, with a plywood ceiling and wall. The pipes are inside the wall. Luckily the sink drain has a jog, with a right angle elbow accessible above the washing machine, where it pops out of the ceiling and back into the top of the wall.

Washing machines are not designed for kneeling on top. Neither are knees designed for the washing machine tops. Before I got far I had to get a pile of rags on top of the washing machine which was quite handy when I removed the elbow which was held in place with pipe clamps on a rubber sleeve. Rather unpleasant water and effluvia came forth, which was mostly caught in the pan I brought for the purpose, and the rags got the rest. Running the snake then became quite easy, though I entertained myself with an unpleasant thought. How does the soap and such which goes down the drain turn into a nasty black goo?

Now my sinks drain even faster than when I bought the house -- as fast as the water can run out of the sinks. And the little nicks and such which the black goo got on have not infected so I am feeling pretty pleased with the result. I think that added to my enjoyment of my birthday on Sunday. That and the phone birthday serenades from Beth and my folks.

Good Reflections

2008-07-31T15:42:00.000-07:00

I didn't hear back on the Stoppard callback from last Wednesday, which was no surprise as I mentioned I'd done myself a disfavor when I read it aloud ahead of time making a choice (good thing), but committing to it during the read and getting in a bit of a rut so I kept falling back into the choice when I got direction (bad thing). Still, it is slightly disappointing to not get a "Thanks, but no thanks." It was a pain in the neck commute that day and I was given the wrong address, so I would have appreciated the courtesy even more. Still, I had fun at the audition even if I was still berating myself, which is a positive step.

I had a wonderful two days off this week. We closed As You Like It on Saturday (after two production meetings with other groups for me), then I saw A Streetcar Named Desire at the Intiman on Sunday afternoon, and left afterwards for a few nights with the family at the Duckabush River.

Our final show was terrific, with some extra horsing around which was very well-suited for the show -- I usually get nervous when people do that. A lot was insider stuff that gave extra life for the audience and about killed the director with laughter. Our cast party is this Saturday, and I expect it to be a good time. I had two work friends come to the show, one from my current job came the first weekend, and for the next to last show an old acquaintance from Corbis where I worked in 2000. Neither of us expected to see the other. On the other hand none of my family (the folks) and group of friends (Beth, Rachel, Greg, Bob, et al) who come to most of my shows made it to this one. Kind of a funny and enjoyable irony.

Seeing Streetcar was fun (it was as good as people have been saying), as I went with my scene partner from Meisner, where we did a scene between Mitch and Blanche a little over four years ago. I'll always be able to figure out that date, as it was the same night Marlon Brando passed away. Even though we didn't have Stanley in our scene, it felt like a bit of a cosmic connection and I still hope he has a generous soul.

Then off to the Duckabush River and family for a few days. My niece who is about to have her first baby was on her way out, and it was a pleasure to see her and meet her boyfriend. In the ten minutes or so I was quite impressed with him, and I hope they all do as well as I'd hope and guess from my impression.

We used to have Chautauqua's for Thanksgiving at the Duckabush in the 80's and 90's, and when the crowd got larger and less tolerant of primitive Winter conditions a couple insisted with token resistance we stop Thanksgiving in the woods. At that point the homegrown sharing and entertainment kind of died without fanfare. A number of us wanted to resurrect the tradition, but the Thanksgiving get together pretty much dissipated too. I missed the Chautauqua, because it was one of the factors in getting me to try an acting class to get over my stultifying stage fright.

It turned out they were planning one for Sunday night. I recited The Cremation of Sam McGee. I treated it seriously which made the funny parts funnier. In the past I'd done another of Service's poems, a similar one and this was a very different experience. It is still harder to perform for close friends and family (unless they are part of a larger audience), but I was able to take on the character and circumstances to where I really felt like I brought some people into the world of the Yukon as I understand it. That made the story more fun for me too. Probably the bigger difference was I enjoyed sharing something I appreciated, rather than enduring it as a trial. It was great fun, and I was flattered by the surprise from people in the difference between now and the last time I participated.

I made my black bean vegetable soup for Monday's dinner, which I'm starting to think of as Summer Stew. It was a big hit, and everybody still around the next day had it for lunch and several people asked for more before I left. Like the last time at the cabin, I read Dr. Seuss (plus Harold and the Purple Crayon) to the younger nephews and nieces, while a few of the older ones wandered into the area to listen.

I had fun, and realized that the anxious and claustrophobic feeling I get in large noisy groups is dissipated when reading or being silly. Wish I'd noticed that as a kid. I'd have had a lot more fun, and maybe captured some of the childhood I left behind all too early. I don't know if I've ever gone into that here in detail. Probably because not, having the childhood interrupted experience is what brought me to theatre and the arts relatively late, and made life so enjoyable now. Had I not stopped being happy at six or seven, would I appreciate and savor what I have now as much? I think not. I may be wrong, but it is not a productive concern. Savor the moment as much as I can right now, so I can honor the past and future with more facility. That's the better approach for me.

The better approach for me partially led to a thought I kind of like, both artistically and spiritually. Consider the thought that every person alive, past and present, is you. For me it doesn't matter if I look at it as a logical exercise or an actual possibility for reincarnation or as being a part of a larger spiritual whole. It is simply an acknowledgement that at some level I am capable of being a Gandhi or a Hitler. I suspect that is why so many of us detest seeing news of tragedy or atrocities, and savor news which is hopeful or joyful. Either way we see our own reflection.

Scars Fade

2008-07-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

I was married twenty years ago today, and was officially divorced after the second anniversary. Since 2000, this is the second, maybe third time I've remembered the anniversary, and only because I just had to write the day's date for some code I was unit testing. Usually I don't think of it until my birthday, which falls on Sunday. And two or three times in the same period I've forgotten my birthday. A lapse I could not have imagined as a child.

The last post, about entertaining the thought we may be a single spirit somehow living in and through every other person got me thinking. I remembered meeting at a mutual friend's wedding, after already having been acquainted with most of her family. I was crazy for her, and those feelings outlasted the relationship by years, which in my memory seemed to die about the same time we said "I do." I still don't understand the distant coldness I never once broke through during the marriage. I don't even know how much originated from my side. That empathetic thought yesterday urged me to reminisce more than I had since getting divorced nearly eighteen years ago. As a result I feel more at peace about that history. Not reconciled or anything artificial like that, which would not make sense nearly twenty years later.

Is it time, or maturing that when I take a moment to look at the life of the relationship the happy memories are what stand out now? Or more of the empathetic world view?

Blah, Blah

2008-07-25T10:43:00.001-07:00

I got away from my regular posts, feeling they were becoming mundane and repetitive. Well, duh. It's a journal, and life is like that. Plus I've been busy, but that didn't stop me in the past.

It's an interesting thing for me. When I'm actively journalling I feel more productive, a combination of the perceived and the actual. When I note what I've done it is more immediate, and gives me more feeling of accomplishment. Then there is a little added pressure: "What will I write about in the next few days?" I don't respond to pressure from others, but that subtle pressure from myself seems to be a motivator.

Tomorrow we close As You Like It. It will be the fourth show I've done this year, ironic as I'd decided to pick and choose more and take it easy. Well, two Shakespeare productions is very nice to have under my belt. Plus this is the third paid show this year. They are modest stipends, and I generally don't cash the checks as a surprise donation when they balance their books.

I had a callback for a Stoppard one act (After Magritte) on Wednesday. I hadn't auditioned, but got a referral from an actor (and director) I worked with in Troilus and Cressida. It was fun, and I'd read the play aloud for my character ahead of time. Next time I do that I'll read aloud with neutrality. My take on the character was of course different than that of the director, and I had extra difficulty in taking direction on the spot because of that habit. Nothing I couldn't get rid of with an hour's work, but I kept falling back into the choice I'd made for myself. Better than bringing nothing, but still limiting. I don't expect to get that part, but I sure learned a lot about how I should prepare in the future. Plus, it was a lot of fun.

Smurmions

2008-07-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

I found out late Tuesday night in an E-mail from my folks that one of my nieces is due to have a daughter in a couple weeks. Joy and a little sadness around that. One of joy and fun at my little brother a grandpa, my folks great grandparents, but my sister and I Great Aunt and Uncle? I'm not so wild about the latter. Seriously, it's exciting and joyful to see the start of a new generation.

The sadness comes from the distance of my nearest geographical relatives. It's a reminder that not all people you've made yourself available to will respond. Years ago I learned to let go of those who choose not to give you the time of day. As a result there are relatives and a few old friends who are not part of my life, and vice versa. I don't think that is a bad thing, but life events like this are a reminder that it is not a perfect world either. No matter how much I deny, there is a little twinge in finding out so late and indirectly. As I think about it, I realize it doesn't matter if it is simple oversight or a thought out snub. I know my role. To be available. Nothing more I can or should do.

Rather, I choose to dwell on those friends and relatives who embrace me as a part of their world, while making infrequent gestures to those who have pushed you away, in case something changes. That is a lot easier and more enjoyable than chewing over why someone else struggles to even share a cold shoulder. The latter is not fun for me, not fun for them, so why push?

I've had enough friends and relatives who build up elaborate judgemental fantasies on why they have a divine right and moral imperative to be angry. Or why some imagined anger on my part is unreasonable. Ever have someone tell you that you're crazy and selfish to be angry about smurmions, and won't acknowledge your statement that you don't know what a smurmion is? That is what a big part of my family life felt like growing up, and the behavior I was beginning to learn/emulate. I worked to check out of that cycle a long time ago. Most of my active relationships are with those who haven't got a clue as to what a smurmion is either. I can't stop other people's smurmion fixations, but if I work to eliminate mine, half or more of the baggage for reestablishing ties are out of the way.

Them (It's All About Them)

2008-07-23T11:18:00.001-07:00

War crimes for Osama's driver? What did he do, run a red light in a war zone? It is past Orwellian to see a chauffeur who himself is a victim of torture being tried for war crimes. I feel there probably are cases for war crime prosecutions against the actual people planning and carrying out the attacks, and certainly against our own president, vice president, attorney general, and secdef to name a few for killing hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and thousands more Americans. However, I can't in my wildest imaginings consider prosecuting a pilot for Air Force One for war crimes for ferrying around our all-american mass murderers, yet we are doing just that.

After six or seven years of illegal detainment and interrogation the first and best show-case in dubya's kangaroo court is a driver for the guy we had the Brits let go? (Referring to when they had Osama located and surrounded and we told them to hold off until we could get our guys there for the photo op.)

What do we as a population do to show our mettle and good old American values? America, now considers the domestic economy to be a bigger issue than this war. Is it any wonder we're mostly mocked by the rest of the world which once mostly admired us?

It's All About Me

2008-07-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

Whew. Since we finished The Amazing Dicky it's been more than a little hectic for me. Busy at work, with a new upgrade to our web site last Friday. My mom's 75th birthday last Saturday, which wasn't a big time commitment. Some stress in seeing mom again I'm sure, though I never really acknowledged it. And, Eclectic Theatre needed an ensemble actor for All's Well That Ends Well, which was playing all last weekend starting Thursday. I took that opportunity knowing the stress it would create, but desirous of another Shakespeare production on my resume, and this one an in the park type. Plus I really do like Shakespeare.

It was less than two weeks rehearsal for me, and some scenes I'd only run once prior to the first preview. Even with just five lines and a song it is tough for me to have them there for natural recall without a few runs. I apologize to the bard for paraphrasing one of my lines on the first preview. Half way through I'm thinking, "Wait this is all cocked up and backwards", but in that moment of shame and panic I charged right through somehow managing to not lose or change the meaning. And it wasn't the typical phrase or word swap, rather starting with a cascade of key words. Thanks for those improv workshops John, Gary, and Rachel!

I was beating myself up quite a bit for taking on a project without a real break after working two concurrently. On Saturday the Artistic Director made a point of giving me a very nice compliment on my work. So, that doesn't keep me from trying to do much better and find new pearls in my bits for the last three shows. It does make the show a lot more enjoyable, and positive.

Singing? A tremulous and horrified question asked by any of you that have heard me sing. Happily Touchstone castigates the performance so my singing ability is perfect for the scene. I'm scared of singing, and on the last show I actually found myself singing pretty much strongly and on key for the first of the three short verses. Just that thought was enough to make the other two verses appropriately god-awful. Even that is fun, and it may well be a presumptuous flight of fancy, but with a lot of practice I might actually be able to sing a bit.

I had an interesting experience on Thursday or Friday's performance. I'd talked with someone as we watched a little boy running on the lawn across the drive from our production. We mused, "We used to play like that thoughtlessly, and now we work our tails off to get there again." Not long afterward I was far over on the stage left side of the area we were working when little girl ran skipping and merrily laughing down what was the edge of our playing area. Like a sprite flitting across our Forest of Arden. I had an emotional recollection of the feeling of play as a kid. Remembering playing cowboys or cops and robbers, and knowing when I got someone with my toy cap pistol and then when Brian Redmond got me. He was angry at first because I didn't die immediately, but he got me in the stomach so I didn't have to die instantly and got to nicely writhe in my agonized death throes, which more than soothed his crossness. We both knew he got me dead. We were still Scott and Brian, both 6 and 5 years old, and at the same time fully invested in our characters and make-believe world.

These little epiphanies are not infrequent. At the moment they are experienced they feel profound, yet they each represent an incremental movement back to what we once were. There were some kids who didn't know when they were hit or got a hit. Where does that fit in? Were we on a different wavelength? Were some of us more into the game itself, and others more into claiming a 'real world' victory regardless of the reality we were working in? This has gone beyond the scope of the art of acting into questions of art, greed, and integrity. Fun places to go, but for now I'm more interested in growing my art (or lack thereof). That keeps me plenty occupied.

A Very Gay Play ;^)

2008-06-24T13:57:00.000-07:00

Getting ready for another short run. The Amazing Dickie, for which the title of this post is the subtitle goes up tomorrow, and closes Saturday. It's felt like an abbreviated rehearsal schedule, which brings up stress and abject fear. Most of tech was yesterday, and we ran through the first act in order, but with delays between. It is another challenging character for me, and I tried some different things which felt like they worked out well. A lot better than I expected in fact, and while the director didn't have notes for me, I made quite a few.

I still feel like I have at least 80% of my training from ETI (a one year conservatory program I finished about two years ago) to assimilate. It is nice to at least have the feeling that I am improving greatly. It helps me deal with the constant feeling of being an utter drub when I'm on the boards.

I'm horrible about announcing shows I'm in, so if you're a reader please consider this a personal invite! I vow to do better in the future.

On another note, it turns out I am an inch too tall for the bit (one of the soldiers) they wanted me for at the Seattle Opera. The good news, I'm the alternate for another bit (one of the guards) that is on stage a whole lot more. Either way, I'm looking forward to seeing Aida from either the stage or my subscription seat. I've heard about it a lot, partly because it's a favorite in crossword puzzles. All the vowels I suppose.

Surrendering

2008-06-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

It's not a compromise bill,
its a compromised bill!

It looks like the telecoms are going to get immunity. It is an action that speaks louder than any words from either party. Much like embracing torture as a fun way to conduct ourselves, something at odds with the foundations of our nation. We are no longer a nation of law, but of fear and power. The telecoms get a free ticket for knowingly breaking the law, because it wasn't really their fault the administration broke the law in asking them to abet. Such alibis would not work for you and I.

Alibi 1, "the decider told us to": If our boss asked us to do something illegal we'd still go to jail. They probably wouldn't. So the telecoms are getting a free ride that citizens never would.

Alibi 2, "the decider is above the law": We'd never get this kind of dispensation, even though in theory our elected officials should be more beholden to the law of the land than we are. So the president is not subject to the laws he is sworn to uphold against us.

Telecoms spying. Torture, in house and outsourced. Cooking intelligence. Etc.

It seems everything which has tarnished our democracy and reputation is initiated by scum who believe they are above the law and carried out by avaricious scum who either blindly follow or lead the pres by the nose.

PS - And now Obama is supporting the FISA bill? Please say it ain't so -- it is the very type of criminal assault on the law of the land that will drive me to a third party, particularly if the virtual pardon granting telecom immunity is included. On the up side, this kind of behavior has a slim chance of creating a viable third party candidate -- though the republicrats/democans/liebercrats would be united in their efforts to create additional third party candidates for diluting the power of the disaffected if anyone became an actual threat.

PSS - Obama may have just saved the republican party.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

2008-06-19T14:53:00.000-07:00

McCain's campaign seems to make no sense whatsoever. We've finally started to crawl out of the hole of trauma induced cowardice and he's running on a fear based campaign. He's running as if we were just suffered another major terrorist attack and the GOP hadn't discredited themselves with fear mongering. The only thing at this point which could turn around the abysmal performance would be a new terrorist attack before the election. Listen to him. He is running as if an attack just happened, which will only work if we are attacked before the election.

Just a little thing for the conspiracy theorists to chew on. We all know that not even the decider would never allow an attack on the fatherland or suddenly catch/kill Bin Laden days before the election as a craven political ploy.

SureWould (Random Thoughts)

2008-06-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

The democrats are about to reaffirm their obedience to the republican belief the president should be above the law.
:: Sorry Mr. Kucinich. Sorry America. Sorry Planet.

McCain finished at the bottom of his class, 894/899. Some claim that is because he is a rebel, the same crowd that worships the "No Child Left Behind" blight to gut all education in lieu of narrow trade school training. The conservatives only apply academic standards where they are inappropriate. He still finished the academy, and I'd bet big money it was thanks to his daddy the admiral.

Now we've set the stage for the beginning of his career. We all know he was shot down and spent five and a half years in Hell -- as a POW. He is a hero for surviving and I believe his refusal to be released early (because of his Father's prominence) was a real act of bravery. That experience didn't magically make him more competent, though it opened the door for many opportunities. That is perfectly reasonable. He was given command of a training squadron, and is credited with earning them the MUC. When I was in the service it was generally granted for political points, or used by martinets as the only way they could get recognition. Also during my time in the Navy, training commands weren't the ones given to golden boys. He is credited with improving the squadron, and my jaundiced eye reads between the lines. All in all, an undistinguished career, other than opportunism punctuated by the horrific stay in Hanoi Hilton.

Nobody should have to go through what he went through at the hands the North Vietnamese. Even if they are our enemies. They say bad things happen to good people. My personal opinion is that McCain is a good example of bad things happening to people who are not so good, or at my most charitable, to unremarkable flip-floppers.

Why was Obama my only choice since Edwards dropped out? He appears to me to be the only candidate who takes stands rather than trying to game the polls while at the same time pandering to the bottom feeders for their party. I don't agree with everything Obama says. He could disagree with me on a much larger number things, and I'd still support him. You see, I actually feel I know where he stands.

I can't say the same for McCain. Is he against torture? Kind of, almost... Is Hillary opposed to the war? Kind of, now, almost...

Of course we know where Bush stands. For the uber wealthy and against everybody else. His lies and once charming (to some) illiteracy cover up the harsh reality. He is "Hood Robin", taking every possible cent from the poor and giving it to the rich. Would the old machine candidates (McCain and most the other gop'rs, Hillary and a lot of the other dem's) be any different? That is the question everyone needs to honestly ask themselves. While you're conclusion may well be different, I'd hope you'd prefer "Robin Hood."

The republicans blocked extending benefits for the jobless. I guess they need to economize in order to bankroll the tax cuts for the wealthy executives, so they can more easily cover the initial cost of permanently outsourcing more jobs. Curious this is more heavily reported in the foreign media.

Like I said yesterday, for the first time in my adult life I feel our country may be moving in the right direction (even if it is to the left). Towards responsibility. Towards honor. Even the democratic party has taken a step in the right direction! Still we have to constantly watch those driven by avarice. The ANWR can only be destroyed once. Yet, it has to be saved several times every year. Eventually we'll allow the oil companies to poison. It won't put off the day when we deplete the planet's oil reserves by very much. It won't save us a cent at the gas pump. It will give the oil companies and their puppets (all those bribed politicians) a nice windfall. The hunger for destruction is eternal, whether for it's own sake (i.e. wars for the heck of it) or the greed of a few (i.e. oil), and keeping them in check enough that we can heal scars faster than they are created may be a losing battle for mankind. The basis of hope, is the belief there is a possibility we can save our nest before the blindly avaricious piss it out of existence.

For

2008-06-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

I am really excited about Obama clinching. As you've no doubt figured from my ponderous past posts, I don't think much of Clinton for her support in starting the Iraq War and all the predictable war crimes being the bad guy leads to, or for her belated and neocon style cold-hearted use of the military, dead, active-duty and veterans alike. A good deal of my life's baggage summed up there. So there is a deep and unforgiving detestation of people like her, w, Rumsfeld, Powell, Petraeus, etc. Whether they are instigator or enabler they are responsible for bringing our nation to the brink of destruction, and the deaths of every soldier, marine, and Iraqi innocent sacrificed with no real reason for those of us who don't have salaries in the 7 digit and above range.

Obama. Elected or not come November, the fact that we have chosen a man above the fray, who speaks his mind instead of vetted sound bytes, and believes that government should serve the voter and not the other way round is heartening. For the first time in thirty years we are moving towards democracy, instead of using it as a catch-phrase to justify the most heinous corruption and oppression in our country's modern history.

Someone who gives me hope. Someone I can vote for! I'm freaking tired of trying to pick the lesser evil. Perhaps for the first time in my life I'll have the chance to vote for principle, instead of the recurrent and depressing exercise to guess the least onerous.

The Bush Illegacy Begins

2008-06-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

The whitehouse conveniently 'lost' copious records of their E-mail records. Gee whiz golly gee. That may soon cause them more pain than it relieved. The cabal's above the law credentials have wilted a bit, despite everything they could do to maintain opaqueness and openly encourage further terrorist attacks to help them keep the level of fear they so desparately need to implement their policies.

Now, that scoundrel Abramoff is resurfacing and documentation is showing he had much more contact with the whitehouse than was previously admitted. Poor babies. They may not have the resources to magically find (and cook) the missing E-mail archives. About all they can say is "We have better documentation, but we lost it since we were illegally using gop accounts and failing to properly archive the legal E-mails..." Hmm, I think this may be too much for their one time supporters base to swallow.

Of course, I don't believe an accurate E-mail trail would exonerate these tyrants of anything. It's just nice that we've finally arrived at a point where they may feel a bit of discomfort while peddling lies. At some point I expect the house of cards will collapse. This probably isn't the tipping point, but it moves them closer to realizing their legacy. Or should the be the Bush Illegacy?

Pursuing New Old Habits

2008-06-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, a full night's sleep. That was a treat. The show went very well this weekend, better than I expected. I was surprised at one thing, and quite pleasantly. It was the first chance I'd had to really work with some of the commedia and clown work I did at Freehold during ETI (a one year conservatory type program). I've used little bits here and there in developing characters, but never as a routine or activity on stage.

As I think back on it there were a couple Lazzi's I developed for bits of the show. I probably wouldn't have named them, but during the cast party it was mentioned people delayed their entrances while I was doing my bit with the saw and wood. I was pleased I was able to get a nice audience response, but didn't realize anyone was noticing.

I think it was reflex from the training, and plus some exploration (also a habit from the training). I still have so far to go in assimilating what we worked on two years ago, so these little triumphs are both encouraging and formative. Formative in that next time I'll do more than what comes from reflexive habit, and dive into the work deeper. And that's another thing I love about art. At fifty, I'm still going through formative experiences. How neat is that?

All I did was try to cut a piece of Masonite with a handsaw in one, and the flexibility of that dense particle board creates different problems depending on the depth of the cut. There is of course a way to do it without much trouble, but somehow that never occurred to Barney. The audience loved it, especially the last time when I finally got all the way through, and picked up the little piece and used it as a template for the next cut as the other actor entered. The other bit was cutting a 2x2 length-wise. Trying to find a way to cut it, which usually ended up with me straddling the board as it rested on sawhorses. Silly, simple, and quite effective. I guess it's the sort of things we've all futzed with at some point. George, thanks for all that physical work you had us do.

When I first decided to pursue acting, I figured I would have to find some way to enhance the non-physical aspects. Two big lessons there. First, and obvious to everyone but me I imagine, is the fact that you can't separate the physical from acting. I learned that before the first continuing ed scene study class was done, and other than the stage fright thing it was the most daunting thing for me to accept, much less embrace.

Second, was learning to embrace the physical, as I find my way into so much that way. I felt I was the world's worst athlete growing up, and to discover that physical work was not only enjoyable, but productive and something I could be good at was a huge surprise. Also, a major shift to my self-image. Every once in a while I ponder what would have happened if I'd been encouraged in art or athletics as a child. Not for long, as I believe I wouldn't be having so much fun right now. I don't think I was ever a glass half-full person before, and now I have my moments.

Hmm, does this sound boastful? Well to be utterly frank, I suppose I am a little proud. However, this was more a discovery than an accomplishment. We did a lot of work in that conservatory program and I've noticed some wonderful things from my old classmates since then. Stuff they struggled with, yet since have brought to the stage like they'd always been doing so. It has been wonderful to see them blossom. I've felt like a dud, and still hesitate to claim anything close to what they have done. Typical actor self-denigration or accurate self-appraisal? It pisses me off that I haven't the foggiest.

We still feel like the same person that walked into that first day of elementary school. It's mostly the world around us that has moved, morphed, and changed. Is it the same with developing as an artist? I don't feel much different or more competent than I did when I started seven years ago, much less two years ago. I've gotten feedback from people I trust (Dad, Joyce, Beth, Rachel, ...) that I know to be sincere. Not just because they said it, but because of what they commented on. I don't believe I'm wildly gifted, I just have passion. From my tech careers in naval aviation and computer science I know that is more important. Math is easier for me, but it doesn't have the same persistence or constancy for that I find in the theatre.

I've finally learned to avoid deflecting compliments. I still do a bit, but I'm usually gracious to the person saying nice things and even to myself. Still, there is that feeling that I should have done a hundred times better, and they missed noticing my shortcomings. Is that the difference between doing something you have a gift for and something you have a passion for? Or is it just the difference between the mundane and art?

Ask Not for Whom the Balls Toll

2008-05-30T16:08:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling deeply sad right now. I just saw Harvey Korman died yesterday. I remember him from The Carol Burnett Show and more specifically from Blazing Saddles and numerous supporting movie characters and guest spots on tv shows of the 60's and 70's. His character in Blazing Saddles, Hedley Lamarr, was someone you despised with loving relish and guffaws, and when you booed the screen you were in reality rooting for him. I'll watch it again this weekend. I'll really miss those daffy fellows, even if they were fiction. He brought us silly irreverence for the sake of silly. Something wonderful, and really needed right about now.

It's odd when someone unexpectedly affects you this way when you hear they are gone. I teared up a lot for Elizabeth Montgomery too. Maybe you recognize the distance between you and the innocent joy they brought you, and feel mortality in a more palpable way than we do most days. Or maybe they feel like friends you really should have met.

Stark Raving

2008-05-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

You've got to be kidding, Dunkin' Donuts accused of aiding and abetting terrorists, accused by our most insidious domestic terrorists. I've never seen Rachel Ray, but I hope she sues the nutballs that pulled the add for lost revenue and defamation of character. They need to reimburse her for the commercials that won't be aired. It'd be fun to sue faux news, but in a way you have to admire their blatantly cavalier attitude towards fact and truth in pursuit of their overthrow of the american way of life and democracy. Nope, she should go after Dunkin' Dunces. It's obvious they wanted to pull the ad for other reasons, for who would actually let avaricious lunatics dictate their policies. Oh yeah. The american voter...

On the home front. This is a busy week, making me feel a little crazy. Rehearsals or performances every day this week, from last Friday to this coming Sunday, when when Noah Way Out closes. Then to a more sustainable schedule. Having fun, and looking forward to a long sleep Sunday night...

Snarking For Truth

2008-05-22T14:58:00.000-07:00

So, I forgot about the primary election the year before last until too late. I was disenfranchised through no fault of my own. Well I forgot, but golly gee whiz! Let's redo it so my non-compliant vote can be counted.

Ridiculous? Yup, I think so too.

What if I die young, before I'm 54? I think I'll cast my 2008 vote now so I'm not posthumously disenfranchised. Can you imagine anything more viciously vile and villainous than suppressing the dead guy vote?

Ridiculous? Yup, I think so too.

Yet, this is exactly what our neo-con in a pant suit would like us to do and which the fat cats in the DNC smoke filled rooms are too chicken to address.

DISCLAIMER (sort of):
When I was watching one of her speeches yesterday I realized she did something that kicks in one of my biases. I don't trust, and take much longer to warm up to people wearing the botox living death mask. They creep me out. Does she overdo the botox, or work extremely well to mask any show of sincere emotion? Either way, hiding behind a mummified face puts me off and makes me suspicious of what is being hidden. Not surprisingly, I find the look of a botox'd face disturbing and unattractive. Give me a living breathing face over the embalmed one any day.

I'm A Sneak

2008-05-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

I just saw the new Indiana Jones movie. It captured the camp and fun of the first installment, so it will appeal on that level to those of us who remember when it came out in 1981. I can't speak for the younger crowd, but I'd guess the formula is the same in a pop culture contextual way.

I went in with anticipation, but guarded expectations. After all, my employer (Expedia) is partnering with LucasFilms, or whatever is the proper marketing term. It's a big promotion for us, and I was worried it would be a little disappointing like the fizzle at the end of the Star Wars. I still haven't made it all the way through the last episode of that one.

I had a great time, and enjoyed the way they handled an older lead. The young guy, Marion's son, is predictably snotty to Indiana. What I enjoyed was his not rising to the bait in typical Hollywood fashion, but going on in his focused almost distracted way when following a clue and winning over the new generation kid just by doing his thing. It felt fun without a contrived or awkward feeling. I was gratified.

I hope it appeals to all, simply because it was good old corny, campy fun in a nostalgic way which the first of the series did in a similar milieu of cookie cutter action movies. It is funny it seems to have come full circle where the action/adventure flicks that are plain old fashioned fun are once again striking a chord. At least for me.

We had a good company meeting, so from a business perspective I hope others have as much fun as I. More importantly I just hope others enjoy the same sense of enjoyable nostalgia. The first movie nailed that feeling, using stereotypical bad Nazis soon after they'd fallen from vogue as baddies needing no exposition. Twenty years later, and stereotypical Soviets fill the same fading niche. It was the first clue this is more romp than anything else. Thank you Expedia for supporting this, and giving me a chance to see a sneak preview two days before release.