Of all the ways Mom could respond to the people I shared contact information with, it sounds like she didn't always use good side of the force. Back to that in a moment.
We had Mom over for dinner Sunday night, Ericka did the chauffering which was very nice for me. The last time I was out with her Beth and I took her to Sea Chanteys at the Wooden Boat Center along with Beth's mother Peg. A long trek, luckily with a wheel chair for Peg which we hot seated so they didn't have to make the 1/4 mile hike. Mom hasn't been very mobile for quite a while, and it seems the mobility is now getting worse and faster. I suppose that is to be expected.
Back to Sunday. We had roast beef and red potatoes, along with stir fried cauliflower. I teased her for adding butter to the cauliflower which had a lot of olive oil, calling butter Norwegian Ketchup. I popped up to the store to get her ice cream and cookies. I don't keep dairy/wheat/egg products around the house much anymore since they don't agree with me and had forgotten about desert. We may have some ice cream left for next time. I sent the macaroons home with her.
She went on a tear about someone calling her. I don't track what she says very well, and that makes two of us. I was left with the impression she was surly to someone. A little background is needed here. I found a number of relatives and friends she had not been in contact with for years and wrote them letters. It was kind of hard to do. I qualified the letters with my ignorance as to how the relationships were left off. Mom has a tendency to burn bridges with regards to relationships, and I acknowledged that in the letters along with the fact I cut off contact for six to seven years recently myself. I didn't want anyone to feel pressured, as I sometimes question the wisdom of resuming contact a couple years ago. I don't know if she was actually nasty to anyone, or was just being nasty to me. I hope the latter.
So why did I go to the effort to contact people? Not just for her sake. I've been told someone I was once close to has passed a number of times, and would have liked the opportunity to have called or written some of them. My goal has been to do that for people as much, or maybe more, than to make her feel people care. Even though the awkwardness is hard, I love the people from our shared history.
She talked a bit about Jack's ashes, being sure she understood from our earlier phone call. She doesn't have any particular date in mind which will make herding the siblings easier if they choose to take part in scattering their (Mom and Jack's) ashes in Neah Bay.
Labels: Hospice, Mom