Getting Back to Journaling the Artistic Journey
Maybe. It's a step which I need to take at least for a while. Keeping a journal, like morning pages, organizes things in my mind and the desire to write something of personal import motivates me. It may not be interesting to others, and with all due regard to my gentle reader(s), I don't give a rat's ass. (Why do I like that expression?)
No reading for one week. I can still work of course, but no newspapers, books, Email, tv, etc. Except for The Artist's Way and notes or tasks for that, and work. It's week four of The Artist's Way, and this is the most poignant thing since starting the morning pages, where you do a sort of mind dump on three pages every morning.
The program is just starting to impact my psyche. I'm getting a feeling things I had thought were long ago dealt with are more likely shelved for later neuroses. Well, shit on that. I'll just have to deal. Starting with a failing Mom I'm not even sure I like. Family love is a funny thing. Funny as in occasionally fucked up, not funny weird or funny ha-ha.
One of the things I started dealing with is one of my very good friends, one I've not seen much of in quite a while. I don't think Friend ever reads this, not many do. I'll be circumspect just the same. 'Friend' is a talented and brilliant artist who I greatly admire, whose example urged me to seek advanced training. Ironically, much of the reason I have pulled back from the arts outside of work pressures which I've never taken too seriously anyway, which I considered a challenge not a block, is Friend's feedback.
Friend neither respects nor values my work on stage. Rather than pay attention to any others who have given me wonderfully supportive and encouraging feedback, I let this hold me back. The Artist's Way revealed this hidden block, and is also challenging the source of said notion. First I find things which are blocking me, then find I'm picking the most devastating negativities I can find, and giving them disproportionate weight. I talk about going through the conservatory program, yet haven't been doing much. I need to get on my feet more, it saves my psyche and emotional life, and feeds my other creative endeavors. I don't need accolades I'll never get from someone who typically looks for things they don't like in any production instead of finding what is moving or enjoyable.
The same thing with poetry. I like memorizing and reciting (manly) poetry. Kipling, Service, Coleridge, etc. And Shakespeare. No one really wants to hear it, so there is another manufactured bit of negativity. It doesn't matter if they don't care for poetry or poetry of that type, or can't stop to listen to another for that long. I could try to find others who like to recite things, but then I'd have to put up or shut up. Reciting for one to several people in an informal setting is harder for me than a large theater with regards to stage fright, which might feed the underlying avoidance.
It's the start of a search for things which fuck me up. And owning them rather than blaming others as my inner republican would like to do.
No reading for one week. I can still work of course, but no newspapers, books, Email, tv, etc. Except for The Artist's Way and notes or tasks for that, and work. It's week four of The Artist's Way, and this is the most poignant thing since starting the morning pages, where you do a sort of mind dump on three pages every morning.
The program is just starting to impact my psyche. I'm getting a feeling things I had thought were long ago dealt with are more likely shelved for later neuroses. Well, shit on that. I'll just have to deal. Starting with a failing Mom I'm not even sure I like. Family love is a funny thing. Funny as in occasionally fucked up, not funny weird or funny ha-ha.
One of the things I started dealing with is one of my very good friends, one I've not seen much of in quite a while. I don't think Friend ever reads this, not many do. I'll be circumspect just the same. 'Friend' is a talented and brilliant artist who I greatly admire, whose example urged me to seek advanced training. Ironically, much of the reason I have pulled back from the arts outside of work pressures which I've never taken too seriously anyway, which I considered a challenge not a block, is Friend's feedback.
Friend neither respects nor values my work on stage. Rather than pay attention to any others who have given me wonderfully supportive and encouraging feedback, I let this hold me back. The Artist's Way revealed this hidden block, and is also challenging the source of said notion. First I find things which are blocking me, then find I'm picking the most devastating negativities I can find, and giving them disproportionate weight. I talk about going through the conservatory program, yet haven't been doing much. I need to get on my feet more, it saves my psyche and emotional life, and feeds my other creative endeavors. I don't need accolades I'll never get from someone who typically looks for things they don't like in any production instead of finding what is moving or enjoyable.
The same thing with poetry. I like memorizing and reciting (manly) poetry. Kipling, Service, Coleridge, etc. And Shakespeare. No one really wants to hear it, so there is another manufactured bit of negativity. It doesn't matter if they don't care for poetry or poetry of that type, or can't stop to listen to another for that long. I could try to find others who like to recite things, but then I'd have to put up or shut up. Reciting for one to several people in an informal setting is harder for me than a large theater with regards to stage fright, which might feed the underlying avoidance.
It's the start of a search for things which fuck me up. And owning them rather than blaming others as my inner republican would like to do.
1 Comments:
Good for you! It's necessary to face those blocks and deal with them in order to progress. The first step, though, is to recognize them in the first place.
Nice to read a post again!
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