Acting Up

My musings, thoughts, rants, and discoveries. - Scott Maddock

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Location: Redmond, Washington, U.S. Inc. (Formerly U.S.A.)

Allie's Journey

For the next several months this will be dedicated to information pertinent to Allene M. Maddock. Her care has been assumed by Hospice as of 06Apr12.

Please feel free to call or write her. If you call be patient and take time to explain who you are. Currently she remembers, but you have to help her focus so she truly knows who she is talking to at the moment. We have to do this too, and I frequently say something like, "Yes this is Scott, your oldest."

Her phone is area code two-zero-six, and the number is 216 3816.

Her Address:
Allie Maddock
c/o Queen Ann Manor
100 Crockett Street
Seattle, Washington

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

No Answers Here

I had a strange dream Monday morning. Somehow my ex, whom I think of vary rarely and have never dreamed of showed up and we were together at our current age. Somehow I have an impression in that dream world we had been back together for about a year, and our old history was there but not the hurt we gifted each other. What I remember more clearly is we were having a conversation in which she was distracted, and I asked what was up.

"Do you love me?", she asked.

My immediate reply was "Yes."

She came back with something like "What about when you're not with me?"

I thought about that, knowing I didn't want to reply with anger and neither did I want to avoid the truth. My response was more inclusive, and left neither of us with anything to say, "I long for your touch."

Then I woke up feeling pretty shaken up. Strange. As I said, I rarely think of that sadly short-lived relationship. I don't recall my ex being in dreams before, even the first few years when I was still hurting and denying I had anything to get over.

It raised two questions the last few days. First, there's a little pondering about not having a committed relationship since then, and wondering if I should be looking for more than someone who listens in return if I ever take the leap. The second is wondering why I couldn't have a dream like the previous night. I was a Greek general during mythological times about to parlay in the enemy's camp where I was going to shame him into compromise through brilliant oratorical skills, which I only have in dream land.