I've been quiescent lately. All over the place, not just here. Had a couple more auditions this week. Sunday was a cold read, and I was timid in my physicality and even realized it at the time. Then I made a bad decision, kept going the same way. Geesh, doing the wrong thing would have been better. At least it would have shown some kind of range. Last night I had a classic and a modern monolog for Troilus and Cressida
. I had to shorten both, as it was a tight schedule. I was aware of myself evaluating technical things, like my voice, intention, action, text, and movement. With the movement I found myself being consistent in defining my world, and realizing I wasn't happy with my choices, and more, they should have been less consistent between the two. Both monologues I was talking to someone in the same freaking spot. There were little realizations with the other aspects as well.
I of course commenced an orgy of self-flagellation walking back to the car. Then I thought about it a bit. Without letting myself off the hook for doing a lot more work on my audition skills, I gave myself a little credit. I'm not getting into the character or really living through the character's lens in the audition. Doh. I've had that problem all along. Still, I got past the loud frightened monotone sound of a 10 year old talking in front of the school assembly. I don't know that I ever sounded quite that monstrous, but I did in my head and honestly, it couldn't have been much better.
Logic doesn't count here. I get more nerves from a couple of auditors than a large packed house -- which I love. Remember towards the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail
, "Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?" I tell myself that about auditors, and something inside still makes them killer bunnies. I've been an auditor, and know that's not usually the case, but even that direct knowledge doesn't stop the head from playing games.
At least I do continue to have more fun with auditions, which should have told me something. My mind became conscious of lots of technical things I need to work on. I still wasn't connecting or living in the world, but I had a passing acquaintance with the character. Before just the horror of how I must sound was about all I had in my head, so this is a big move. Forward, I hope.
Practice, practice, practice. That's what I need. A couple weeks ago I had a couple auditions, so now I'm up to four. Another sixteen and maybe I'll have a part. I'm figuring if I get something 5% of the time I'm doing good. Due to luck and prior acquaintance I've done much better in the past, but now that I'm auditioning differen't places I don't expect that luck again for a while. I do plan on doing some more audition workshopping or hooking up with a coach or two. I'm not ready for that yet, and may not be for a bit. I need to assimilate so much right now, that a workshop would be more of a placebo. Sugar pills don't work so well when you're in on the trick.
Last night my auditioner chuckled a couple times at my modern monologue, and in the appropriate places. That was a watershed, and damnit, I thought so at the time which further demonstrated my distance from the world I need to be in. Maybe I'll be considered for some pretty small roles. We had a nice chat even though I blurted out a stupid question, wondering if a friend who had been in her production of The Tempest
was auditioning. It felt like a big faux pas to me, and she was very gracious and did nothing to make me feel faux pas-ier.
I have a two or three more auditions lined up for next week. I'm being slightly selective. Looking for productions that have some appeal to me, and aren't a miserable commute. It wasn't that long ago I'd go for anything with commutes up to an hour or two. The first speaking role I had was in Port Orchard, and a long drive. It included a ferry ride, and that is where I learned most my lines. That is a lot harder to do now. We've had so many tax initiatives for the greedy, that about the only things left are conservative pork barrels, which don't cover public transit. Ferry schedules are deliberately inconvenient, as opposed to the last forty or fifty years. Why is it the dems let the corporate sock puppets get away with every bit of pork they can, while gutting public services in the name of pork reduction? Kind of like shooting someone in the head seven times to save them from drowning.
Now I look for roles that will grow my art. There are still lots of opportunities, and the concommitant increase in opportunities to hone my audition skills. Well I'm getting ahead of myself. I need to get an edge on them first.